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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

Adulthood is wild. One day I’m transferring money to my savings account, and three days later, I’m transferring it out to save myself.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

The trick of life is to get the sports car before you have to grunt getting in and out of it.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

Good morning to everyone who still believes what they see with their own two eyes.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

People drive you insane and then say “see, I told you that you’re insane.”

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

If Kanye got hacked, no one would even know.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

Revenge? No. I just post hot selfies and let the algorithm do God’s work.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

Being famous on social media is like being rich in Monopoly. It’s not real, so calm down.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

Who’s your favorite horror director? Mine’s God.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

I’m actually pretty attractive, if you don’t compare me to anyone, ever.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

Part of getting older is having a favorite pen.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,439

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Facebook:

Every morning, the cat watches me make coffee and asks if we can go sit out on the balcony to watch the birds, and every morning I say, yes, of course, let’s.

Just shared via Telegram:

The person opposite me has a donut. I do not have a donut. That should be my donut. This person is now my arch nemesis.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I love being single because how could I explain a 2 p.m. – 5 p.m. nap on a Saturday.

Just landed via Slack:

I never finish what I start. I have a black belt in partial arts.

Just landed via YouTube:

An introvert walked into a bar. Just kidding. The introvert stayed home.

Shared recently on Facebook:

A.I. should be forced to wait tables before it’s allowed to make art.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Tensing up so the masseuse doesn’t win.

Spotted on TikTok:

Ponytails are only hot on women, bro.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I wish every day had 30,000 hours, and that I had unlimited Adderall and was unemployed.

Just landed via Messenger:

My mom and all her opinions are visiting this weekend.

I think that police officers on foot should wear blue flashing sneakers.

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Commentary:
👮‍♂️👟 "I think that police officers on foot should wear blue flashing sneakers…because catching criminals is a marathon, not a sprint! 🚨👟💨" #FashionPolice #SolePatrol

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Social Media Stars ⭐

26 shares on Threads this month:

For my birthday, I want everyone to delete whatever old version of me they have in their head— it expired.

98 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.

86 shares on TikTok this month:

The great thing about having pet insurance is that while our dachshund is at the vets, they’ve given us a courtesy poodle to hang out with.

13 shares on Snapchat this month:

A spoonful of peanut butter from the jar will fix me.

41 shares on Snapchat this month:

Me summer vacation planning: I’m going to Europe. Bank account: You’re going camping.

81 shares on Snapchat this month:

Woke up and immediately broke my resolution to be less sexy this year.

48 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Gonna take the kids to the planetarium so they can watch YouTube on their phones.

50 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m doing a challenge called ‘November’ — it’s where I just try to get through every day in the month of November.

87 shares on Twitch this month:

The subtle art of surviving this life with grace and dignity.

44 shares on YouTube this month:

The best addition to any essay is, of course, a condescending tone.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Where do I sign up to be one of those influencers with 2M followers whose whole thing is just standing in front of other people’s content and nodding?

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes being a woman is just trying to figure out if you’re hormonally sad, seasonally sad, or genuinely falling apart.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

“Thank you for choosing Amtrak.” No problem. There are no other trains.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

“People you may know” and it’s someone I would set on fire.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

If you are lonely, dim all the lights and put on a horror movie. You won’t feel like you are lonely any more.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

It is very hard to set aside the time to do your taxes when you are really busy doing other things like eating a snack or looking around the room.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Remember when we were young and said “I’ll sleep when i’m older”? Well, now we can’t when we want to.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

In my defense, I was left alone unsupervised.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Spice up your meltdown through interpretive dance.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Spotify wrapped is like my annual mental health report and it’s getting worse by each passing year.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,672

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

My phone charger is lying in another room. HELP.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

Let’s just call ourselves divorced now and skip the stressful, expensive bit in the middle.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

Coffee doesn’t even make me feel energized, I just drink it for the love of the game.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

They can steal your recipe, but the sauce won’t taste the same.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

Nothing makes me feel more powerful than when I write ‘furthermore’ in an email.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

No revenge, because I don’t even remember what happened.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

Don’t invite me anywhere in the last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

Never trust someone who can eat 24/7 but is still skinny.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

Someone should bite my inner thighs just to see what type of noises I make. For science.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

I don’t dress for women. I don’t dress for men. I dress for the weather, mainly.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Called myself to see if I’d answer, sent me to voicemail. Twice.

Seen just now on Discord:

The devil is keeping him alive to avoid spending eternity with him in hell.

Trending via Snapchat:

I had a million opportunities to waste money this year, and I took them all. In fact, even when there wasn’t an opportunity, I created one.

Spotted on Slack:

I wish I could have a kid just to see what it looks like… and then put it back.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Hey! Sorry I missed your text, I am processing a non-stop 24/7 onslaught of information with a brain designed to eat berries in a cave.

Trending via Twitch:

It seems really unfair that my future depends on me.

Just shared via YouTube:

I get it cicadas, I’m ready to scream for six weeks too.

Breaking via Snapchat:

You sound smart. You some kinda ‘ologist?

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Just found out it don’t matter how early I go to bed, I just don’t wanna go to work.

Spotted on Threads:

Photogenic people are magical. You could snap a pic of them mid- explosive diarrhea, and they’d still look good.

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