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🛋️🏃‍♂️ "I was gonna get on the treadmill, but then the couch gave me those puppy eyes like 'Don't leave me, I'll be lonely!' 🥺 Who knew furniture could guilt trip you into skipping a workout! 😅 #CouchPotatoDilemma"

couch, exercise, humor, i, laziness, procrastination, sad, treadmill

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Vaping always looked dumb. It looks like you’re smoking a kazoo, and now the lead poisoning is the cherry on top.

1 month ago
always, cherry, dumb, health, health risk, humor, kazoo, lead, lead poisoning, looks, poisoning, risk, sarcastic, smoking, top, vaping
“I’m asking Santa to bring some of you a sense of humor for Christmas.”

5 days ago
asking, bring, Christmas, gift, holiday, humor, joke, Santa, sarcasm, sense
We were having tea with my mother-in-law the other day and out of the blue she said, “I’ve decided I want to be cremated.” I said, “Alright, get your coat.”

1 month ago
blue, coat, conversation, cremated, cremation, day, family, having, humor, i, joke, mother-in-law, said, tea, want, wit
I’m so cold, I wish I could get in the dryer.

2 months ago
cold, dryer, humor, i, warmth, wish
Some days you feel like you’re surrounded by idiots, other days you realize it’s not just some days.

1 month ago
daily, daily life, days, feel, frustration, humor, idiots, just, life, perspective, realize, relatability, sarcasm, self-awareness, surrounded
Having children is a pyramid scheme.

2 months ago
children, choice, family, humor, joke, life, life choice, parenting, pyramid, pyramid scheme, responsibility, scheme

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

In your 20s, there will be an evil narcissist demon disguised as the man of your dreams. It’s important that you run from that loser before he steals your light.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

I don’t understand why people have to “get ready for bed.” I am always ready for bed.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

I need a stunt double for when I’m navigating my way to the bathroom at night.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

Lifting my wife’s wedding veil and finding out she’s Darth Maul.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

Is it okay for me to start drinking as soon as the kids are at school, or am I just a terrible teacher?

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

When I’m dying, please rush me to the nearest haunted house. I don’t want to haunt a shitty apartment by myself.

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My grandad fought Germans on the beaches of Normandy. This was last summer and it was very embarrassing.

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Just shared via WeChat:

Saw a guy reading a book and writing notes in it. Not enough words in there for ya, bud?

Going viral on X:

If I was in Jaws, instead of wishing for a bigger boat, I probably would have just asked for a smaller shark.

Just shared via TikTok:

Home is where you can look ugly and enjoy it.

Going viral on Telegram:

How come it’s called “thrift store shopping” instead of Goodwill hunting?

Going bananas on Reddit:

Getting older is so fun. Your life goals slowly transition from things like ‘land a dream job’ to ‘successfully grow a cherry tomato.’

Trending via WhatsApp:

Post beach shower is undefeated. Greatest feeling a human could experience. Throw a nap in there, and you will never touch serenity so close.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Outlook just asked me if I’m “enjoying” Microsoft Outlook. As if it’s not the Torment Portal.

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Activity Log ✨

I was gonna get on the treadmill, but then the couch will get sad.

Vaping always looked dumb. It looks like you’re smoking a kazoo, and now the lead poisoning is the cherry on top.

“I’m asking Santa to bring some of you a sense of humor for Christmas.”

We were having tea with my mother-in-law the other day and out of the blue she said, “I’ve decided I want to be cremated.” I said, “Alright, get your coat.”

I’m so cold, I wish I could get in the dryer.

Some days you feel like you’re surrounded by idiots, other days you realize it’s not just some days.

Having children is a pyramid scheme.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

You don’t know about stupidity until your female friends open up about their love life.

I’m sorry to break it to you, but you need a soul to have a soulmate.

When people give me directions and they’re like “you can’t miss it,” I’m like, “Oh, you do not know what I’m capable of.”

It’s getting very expensive to be alive.

When you have intense chemistry with someone, everyone else feels so bleh.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

We really grew up in the best era to be a kid, and the worst era to be an adult.

Liking someone who likes you back is probably really good for your mental health.

I get it, funds… I, too, am insufficient.

I hate this time of year because all you guys care about is football, and no one wants to ogle my cleavage anymore.

Just stay single, y’all… I’m here apologizing for taking a nap.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Tonight, the moon is staring at me.

I don’t procrastinate, I delegate to my future self.

My body is a “wonder what happened” land.

Men look so amazing for people who use the same product for their teeth, hair, floor and car washing.

“We’re the only species that drinks milk after infancy, dairy is bad for you!” We’re also the only species that drinks peach mango pineapple spirulina kale smoothies, Karen. Let me eat my cheese in peace.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

My ego is bruised so I’m going to ice it with some cold beer.

The idiot’s diet is just biting your tongue.

A good substitute for love and and personal fulfillment is a big bowl of fries.

Can someone write me a note to get out of being a responsible adult?

If liars’ pants really did catch on fire, watching the news would be a lot more fun.

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I was gonna get on the treadmill, but then the couch will get sad.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Vaping always looked dumb. It looks like you’re smoking a kazoo, and now the lead poisoning is the cherry on top.

“I’m asking Santa to bring some of you a sense of humor for Christmas.”

We were having tea with my mother-in-law the other day and out of the blue she said, “I’ve decided I want to be cremated.” I said, “Alright, get your coat.”

I’m so cold, I wish I could get in the dryer.

Some days you feel like you’re surrounded by idiots, other days you realize it’s not just some days.

Having children is a pyramid scheme.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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