Trendy Funny Quotes

  • 99% of celebrating your birthday as an adult just consists of texting back “thanks so much”.
  • Got an email from my bank saying “is your 401k enough to retire on” and it’s like you are my bank, you know it’s not.
  • The Masters would be a lot more interesting if there were starving alligators roaming throughout the golf course.
  • I use a headshot from 2008 on my LinkedIn to prepare future employers for disappointment.
  • How do I tell Instagram I don’t want to see guys almost eaten by gators?
  • You never realize how many curse words are in a song till you play it for your family.