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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

It’s called a “sports car” because getting out of one after 40 is a physical event.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

Remember that your face is literally a combination of hundreds of generations of people who fell in love!

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

Would rather walk around a shop 500 times to find something than ask a member of staff who works there like a normal person.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

Stupid cow blocking the road. HOW DAIRY!

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

I think I’ma end the year with a plot twist, everyone hold on tight.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

Everyone’s a gangster until it’s time to pronounce Worcestershire Sauce.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

It’s so funny when someone writes a song to try to get someone to have sex with them. That’s what a bird would do!

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

Diet tip: Your pants can’t get too tight if you never wear any.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

Me (young, naive): “I hope something good happens.” Me (now): “I hope whatever bad happens is at least funny.”

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

Donuts hug you from the inside.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Jan 31, 2026

3,412

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Instagram:

The spelling of “bourgeoisie” was intended as yet another means of oppression.

Seen just now on X:

Nothing tops a plain pizza.

Trending via Facebook:

Apparently, stress balls are not supposed to be thrown at people who are stressing you out.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Sometimes the whole point of going out is to then really savor coming back home.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

If you have ever spent an hour on Twitter then you understand why there’s such an urgency to create Artificial Intelligence.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Someone said I should think before I speak and I said “eww what a horrible way to live”

Just landed via YouTube:

I want to be the kind of person who eats half a grapefruit for breakfast and runs every morning, but I also want to be happy.

Making waves on Messenger:

Even wild things have slow mornings.

Going bananas on TikTok:

I can melt an ice cube just by staring at it. It takes a while, but I can do it.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

“Do not touch” must be one of the scariest things to read in braille.

I’d never pick the lesser of two evils because that means they’re not even good at being evil either.

1 week ago

Witty text highlighting humorous disdain for choosing between bad options.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, when you put it that way, it sounds like we might be stuck between a rock and a hard place! 🤣 It's like choosing between a lukewarm tea and a slightly spoiled milkshake – neither is winning any awards for being enticing, that's for sure! 🙅‍♂️ Always remember, when faced with the lesser of two evils, maybe it's time to start thinking outside the box and look for the greater good! 🌟

being, choice, decisions, even, evil, good, humor, ID, irony, means, never, pick, politics

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Social Media Stars ⭐

19 shares on Reddit this month:

My doctor told me I should try anger management classes, and I’m still really pissed at him about it.

73 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Unfortunately for the both of us, I really like you.

38 shares on Twitch this month:

Of course the laundry has to be done, but the wine doesn’t drink itself either.

100 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Combining breakfast and lunch: Brunch. Combining wine and dinner: Winner.

48 shares on WeChat this month:

If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, then you love a boomerang.

29 shares on Twitch this month:

I know that we aren’t supposed to self diagnose but I’ve googled all of my symptoms and I’m fairly sure I’m a raccoon.

95 shares on WeChat this month:

Dad Hack: Get your teen’s attention instantly by pre-heating the oven.

48 shares on WeChat this month:

I tried meowing back at the cat to show him I was making an effort, but he just switched to English.

26 shares on WhatsApp this month:

(to my executioner) I wish we had met before this. You seem cool.

97 shares on Instagram this month:

I hate when I change the battery in the bathroom scale, and it starts telling the truth again.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate to break it to you, guys, but my husband says you’re not real. He just called you my imaginary friends.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Once you are able to find humor in any situation, you’ve either reached enlightenment or you’re just a little unhinged.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

There should be a Jaws sequel where the shark finally gets arrested for his crimes and goes to jail.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m delusional but self-aware, I call that Delaware.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Do you ever wake up in the morning and you’re just like… no.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Please try to schedule meetings around my need for attention.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Starting a new show sucks. Who are these people?

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Made a lot of mistakes in my life, but adding more cheese than a recipe calls for isn’t one of them.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Someone yelled “hey, retard!” and I looked back.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I like to take long walks away from stupid people.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,531

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

I was going to go for a run, then realized I could just run my mouth on here.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

Sorry, but if you’re walking slower than me on the sidewalk, you’re my enemy. Walking faster than me? Also my enemy. Now if you’re walking at the same speed as me… hmm, yeah, I’m thinking enemy.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

I am “I can’t remember the last time I went out on New Year’s Eve” old.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

I find that age is just a number, and the older you get, the number you get.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

Sometimes you have to sit back and imagine what life could be if it wasn’t a horrifying nightmare.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

I don’t think I’d get married again, but I would like to annoy someone until one of us is dead.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

Sorry I’m late, I believed the washing machine when it said it only had one minute left in the cycle.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

Men used to smoke Marlboros. Now they cry when they lose their strawberry cheesecake vape.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

Somebody should tell James Cameron the world doesn’t need any more frigging Avatar movies.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

Parallel lines have got so much in common, it’s a shame they’ll never meet.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I was hoping to age like a fine wine, but I sort of feel more like an avocado.

Going viral on YouTube:

I tried to clean up my Chrome tabs but it turns out all 200 of them contain information that is vital for my survival.

Spotted on Instagram:

If the earth was flat, cats would have pushed everything off it by now.

Shared recently on Slack:

For Halloween, I wanna be loved.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I love saying “my man” and not his name, so when I get a new one, nobody knows.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

It’s been my experience that people seem a lot nicer before we get married.

Trending via TikTok:

I don’t believe the phrase “if they wanted to, they would,” because I want to, and I don’t.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

God: “I’m all-knowing but I’d rather be all-forgetting.”

Just shared via Instagram:

Unfortunately most of my sex noises come from trying to get out of bed.

Shared recently on Threads:

You can tell Monopoly is an old game because there’s a luxury tax, and rich people can go to jail.

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