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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

I’m so single right now, I can’t even spell relayshaunship.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

I stopped experimenting in bed after the great honey disaster of 2015.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

I’d rather you don’t watch me while I’m liking my own post.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

My chess strategy is eating one of your pieces every time you look away.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

In an alternate universe, sex dreams of me.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

May the Force be with you… especially in Monday meetings.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

This year felt like being awake during surgery.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

“Do not touch” must be one of the scariest things to read in braille.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

I hate it when I’m at work and someone asks “are you at free at the moment?”. Please expand further so I can know if I’m free or not.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

There’s something about Dracula I just don’t trust.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2268 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,430

Funny Quotes Topics

15,132

Funny Quotes Images

12,430

2 minutes ago

3,446

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Telegram:

Please no more relationships that are supposed to be a lesson. I’m already quite the scholar.

Making waves on Threads:

Late replies don’t bother me. As long as we’re not in love, or you don’t owe me money, take your time.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

If at first you don’t succeed, the internet will let you know immediately.

Seen just now on Reddit:

If you’re sleep-deprived and type the symptoms into Google, you’re as good as dead.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I once hated my job so much that I would come home from work and watch vlogs of people quitting their jobs, wishing it was me.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Oh no, a login from a new device? And that device is my phone? The one that I use every single day? And the location is my house, you say? Thank you so much for warning me. I will contact Interpol.

Trending via Instagram:

I’m sick of the Microsoft Authenticator. Like, who would be logging in to do my work?

Breaking via Instagram:

I remember when “disinformation” used to be called “lies.”

Going viral on Discord:

Clearly I’m not doing Dry January unless you mean sense of humor.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I’m going to be real with you. My dinners lately are just sort of me throwing things into a pot like a witch in a cartoon.

I’d never pick the lesser of two evils because that means they’re not even good at being evil either.

6 months ago

I’d never pick the lesser of two evils because that means they’re not even good at being evil either.

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Commentary:
Well, when you put it that way, it sounds like we might be stuck between a rock and a hard place! 🤣 It's like choosing between a lukewarm tea and a slightly spoiled milkshake – neither is winning any awards for being enticing, that's for sure! 🙅‍♂️ Always remember, when faced with the lesser of two evils, maybe it's time to start thinking outside the box and look for the greater good! 🌟

being, choice, decisions, even, evil, good, humor, ID, irony, means, never, pick, politics

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2268 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,430

Funny Quotes Topics

15,132

Funny Quotes Images

12,430

2 minutes ago

3,430

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

I will never sell out my integrity unless I am offered something for it.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

Dad Hack: Get your teen’s attention instantly by pre-heating the oven.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

You should be allowed to miss work if you’re not feeling sexy.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

My nickname in high school was “who?”

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

Talking to animals doesn’t make you crazy, hearing them talk back does.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

My phone is like my lover, it’s the last thing I see at night, and the first thing I wake up to every morning.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

When I get tired of shopping, I sit down and try on shoes.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

Panda bears are proof that it’s okay to be kind of an idiot as long as you’re super adorable.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

You sound smart. You some kinda ‘ologist?

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

I’m begging for a day to be added in between Saturday and Sunday.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Messenger:

I think my bank account has been taking Ozempic.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

A camel walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Hey, you can’t bring your own drinks in here!”

Going viral on Messenger:

Apparently it’s inappropriate to yell out “Shots, shots, shots, shots” while your child’s getting immunizations at the pediatrician’s office.

Trending via Reddit:

You can just enjoy kombucha. You don’t need to go on a tirade about cleansing your gut.

Just shared via WeChat:

Remember when we were young we wanted to stay up for New Year’s? Now we’re old and cursing because we’re staying up past 9:30 and our entire sleep routine is disturbed.

Making waves on Telegram:

I love when my grandma texts me — because I know it took her an hour.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

You are born, you lie about how you are and then you die.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Summer: 10 minutes outside, 10 hours in front of the AC.

Going viral on Telegram:

Shout-out to my embarrassingly squeaky ass bed frame that makes me sound more popular than I actually am to my neighbors.

Breaking via Messenger:

We used to have “spring, summer, fall, winter”. Today we have “drama, drama, drama, drama”.

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