If an alien is 60 million light years away and is watching us through a telescope, it will see dinosaurs.

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Wow, this was a really long day of playing on my phone.

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I just start doing the Macarena when I want to end conversations now.

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Confuse a restaurant manager today by telling her how good the service was.

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I was going to do some yoga today, but had a donut instead.

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The first pyramid scheme was when the Egyptians took credit for the pyramids that were clearly built by aliens.

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Welcome to your fifties. Saturday Night Fever now means lots of rest, cold medicine, and chicken noodle soup.

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The first person to see a peacock spread his tail probably had a heart attack.

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My dog sighs a lot for someone who doesn’t pay any bills.

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I am under no obligation to make sense to you.

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I’m just a girl looking for another snack.