If ever go missing, please only put pictures of me on the news where I look skinny and hot even if that means they won’t find me.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

You gotta wonder why they just don’t make all bread garlic bread.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

I got us matching straight jackets for Christmas.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

I fondly remember my days as a younger man when I didn’t care what the weather was going to do.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

It’s not you. Just the things you say, think, and do.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

Who called it a shopaholic and not a boughtanist?

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

These days, I only use Facebook as a birthday calendar.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

I had no social life in high school. Even my imaginary best friend had a date for the prom.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

It’s just a matter of time until they add “syndrome” after my name.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

I don’t run from my problems. I sit on my couch, play on my phone, and ignore them like all other adults.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

Welcome to the internet, where people are confidently wrong all the time.