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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

Before you have kids, ask yourself: how patient am I with really stupid people?

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

Today I went for a walk with a girl, she noticed me, so we went for a run.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

Flossed the day before a dentist appointment like I was cramming for a history test.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

I hate starting new relationships. I gotta act like I ain’t crazy for two months.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

Even in my early 20’s, I was diagnosed with late stage 40’s.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

If I don’t duck my head when I drive into the parking garage, what’s gonna keep my car from hitting the ceiling?

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

30s: Oh look, a dance floor! 50s: Oh look, a couch!

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

Just because I loved you at one point doesn’t mean I will always love you. I’m not Whitney Houston.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

It’s a good thing Titanic is only a movie. A lot of people would’ve died.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

The dumbest thing about YouTube ads is how they seem to think that I’m a moron.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2381 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,543

Funny Quotes Topics

15,226

Funny Quotes Images

12,543

2 hours ago

3,451

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

I believe my ex-wife is days away from having a nuclear weapon.

Going viral on Snapchat:

She’s probably just not using her phone right now for the first time ever in her whole life.

Reported on Discord:

The Gulf of Mexico should’ve been renamed to Sea Señor.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Today I choose kindness, but we’ll see, it’s still early.

Making waves on Messenger:

I’ve reached the conclusion that all men love thigh high stockings.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Whatever you ask the Universe for under this post, you will get next week.

Breaking via Instagram:

I wish it were social acceptable to say “I don’t care” and walk away mid conversation when you’re bored.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

My wife asked me why the bottle of wine we bought yesterday was half empty. I said because she is a pessimist.

Making waves on Threads:

What is rizz if not swag persevering?!

Just landed via Threads:

Apparently, “I just don’t want to” is not a valid reason when your boss asks you why you’re not coming in today.

If I climbed all the way to the top of Mount Everest and looked up, then I’d finally see the top of our family’s weekly laundry pile.

Jan 20, 2025

If I climbed all the way to the top of Mount Everest and looked up, then I’d finally see the top of our family’s weekly laundry pile.

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Commentary:
"Scaling Mount Everest seems like a breeze compared to conquering the family's never-ending laundry mountain! ⛰️🧺 Just when you think you've reached the peak, another load magically appears. 🧗‍♂️💦 #LaundryConqueror"

chores, climbing, everest, family, humor, i, laundry, mount, Mount Everest, perspective, pile, top, weekly

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2381 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,543

Funny Quotes Topics

15,226

Funny Quotes Images

12,543

2 hours ago

3,442

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

To bed then. To bed with you! Guards, take him to my bed!

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

My credit score is a family of raccoons hissing over a McRib.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

“It’s the most wonderful crime of the year!” I crooned running away with the pot of Santa’s donations.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

I’m clumsy but there are upsides. For example, if I finish my chips and I’m sad there’s no more chips, I look in my lap and I always find chips.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

If you’re just talking nonsense all the time and not thinking about what you’re doing, you’re either in love or at the office.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

The Gen Z stare. The millennial pause. Instead, let’s talk about the boomer inappropriate personal question.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

Your honor, I was in my villain era at the time of those incidents.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

I’m going to die from jealousy one day.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

I really want an emotional support octopus so I can train it to slap people and shoplift.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

Nothing prepared me for how much of my adult life would be spent hiding from people I know at the grocery store.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via YouTube:

My kids think I’m going to miss them when they leave for college, but I’ll be busy drinking my coffee while it’s still hot.

Reported on Discord:

Can someone come over and take this phone away from me?

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Diplomacy is the art of sending someone to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Using my one phone call to call Santa.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I think my wife has got early Alzheimer’s. Every day she tells me that she has no idea what she first saw in me.

Trending via WeChat:

I used to be sad about the climate apocalypse, but I went on a few dates and, honestly, I’m ready now.

Just landed via Discord:

They hooked up tubes and sensors, but the doctor still can’t figure out why my kisses are so sweet. They want to hold me overnight and “never let go.”

Shared recently on Messenger:

Mike is short for Micycle.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Scrolling should count as cardio.

Just shared via Snapchat:

I’m now at the age where sitting cross-legged on the floor is punishable by about three days of full-body paralysis.

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