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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

80 percent of my life now is just “hmmmm… should I bring my jacket or not?”

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

If someone steals your joke, you have to file a LOLsuit.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

Channeling my inner forest ghost: hauntingly fabulous and slightly lost.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

Sorry, I don’t think I can hang out this weekend, my 4-year-old is still telling a joke.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

Why are conclusions necessary in essays? Were you not following?

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

I hate how everything is organic now. I miss chemicals.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

I see you liked my selfie, but what about my ideas?

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

One thing that sucks about being grown-up is not being able to say, “My mom said no,” when you don’t want someone to come over.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

Nothing like a grandfather clock to remind you every hour that you’re still awake.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

One thing I miss about the pandemic is getting to rip my mask off like I just botched a surgery.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2451 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,613

Funny Quotes Topics

15,285

Funny Quotes Images

12,613

4 minutes ago

3,452

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I hate commas. It’s not my job to tell you when you breathe. Work it out, you’re a grown adult.

Just shared via Pinterest:

When the devil couldn’t reach me, he made my brain my biggest enemy.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

We are all just prisoners here of our phone device.

Just landed via Pinterest:

They invented the word metallic, because irony was already taken.

Reported on Facebook:

Imagine being hungry and some guy tries to teach you to fish.

Just shared via X:

I think it’s time we acknowledged how incredibly stupid most super wealthy people are.

Going viral on TikTok:

I told my wife to embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.

Making waves on Facebook:

Show dominance by ending the year in bed.

Making waves on Discord:

My swear jar is filing for an IPO soon.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

If lying was a job some people would be billionaires.

5 months ago

If lying was a job some people would be billionaires.

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Commentary:
Well, they say honesty is the best policy, but it seems like some people might prefer a more lucrative career path! If lying paid as well as a CEO salary, we'd have a whole new generation of billionaires lining up for the job. Just imagine the job interview: "So, what would you say is your greatest strength?" "Oh, definitely my ability to tell a convincing fib!"

billionaire, honesty, humor, job, lying, people, sarcasm, truth, wealth

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

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Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2451 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,613

Funny Quotes Topics

15,285

Funny Quotes Images

12,613

4 minutes ago

3,438

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

I be like, “I needed this,” and it’s just me getting drunk.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

You either get a kid who eats like a bottomless pit, or you get one that when asked what they want for lunch answers “No thanks, I had lunch yesterday.”

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

I named my wifi “The Promised LAN” because it always connects, but occasionally leaves you wandering in the desert looking for a better signal.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

The worst part about being drunk and seeing double is when you realize it’s just one slice of pizza.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

There are drug-sniffing dogs, guide dogs, dogs that save lives. And then there’s my dog, who hits the lead when he poops.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

What happened to my ankles tonight mosquitologically can never happen again.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

Revenge is a dish best served by cutting a sandwich horizontally instead of diagonally.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

The people that sing their heart out, but terribly, are my people.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

Got electrocuted while fixing the doorbell, and now I can hear my girlfriend’s thoughts. She’s thinking she should have called an electrician.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

You only realize how heavy your handbag really is when your car tells you that your passenger is not wearing a seatbelt.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Reddit:

As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I’m totally flexible.

Seen just now on X:

I don’t usually think about what I say before I say it. I prefer to think about it after I’ve said it, late at night, for the rest of my life.

Just landed via YouTube:

Nothing hits harder than opening the fridge for the fifth time, hoping new food magically appeared.

Seen just now on Telegram:

“Well, at least tomorrow is Friday.” -Me, having a bad Wednesday that’s about to get even worse.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

According to my calculations, we’re all screwed.

Trending via WeChat:

A sandwich has the power to change your entire life.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Getting to know someone these days is impossible. No one is really single, everyone has something going on, is hung up on their ex or is otherwise damaged in some way.

Live now on Discord:

Does anyone know what to do, like in general?

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

The neighbor sneezes loudly from the balcony. And because I’m a polite person, I shout loudly: Disgusting!

Seen just now on Slack:

Every man’s biggest fear is trying a new barber.

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