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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I’d like to see AI send 5 emails a day and check their fantasy football line-ups on and off for 8 hours.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

Driving a newer car is like “Oh weird, this one doesn’t have Shake on Highway, maybe they stopped making that feature”.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

My son got braces today. Yay, he’s not going to be a teenage dad.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

You don’t scare me. You’re not a parking garage that I can’t figure out how to get out of.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

You can’t hurt my feelings, I used to bring my dad the wrong tools.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

According to my chocolate advent calendar, there are only 4 days until Christmas.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

Thank you, moon, for staying awake so late.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

I’m not humiliating myself here for 3 likes. 10 maybe but not 3.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

Wow, you did such a great job clicking in your little spreadsheets today. Super proud of you.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

I always mean what I say, I don’t always mean to say it out loud, but I always mean it.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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3,721

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via YouTube:

I identify as a McDonald’s ice-cream machine because I go down when you really want me.

Making waves on Slack:

I’m an adult in the same way that Katy Perry is an astronaut.

Trending via Telegram:

Thank you for the opportunity but I don’t think being human is a good fit for me. I’m going to go back to school to become an octopus.

Just landed via Reddit:

I’m soirée for my mispronunciation of French words.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Even at my most powerful, I’m still a little sleepy.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Parent hack: Shut your child’s bedroom door to make your house cleaner.

Going viral on Discord:

Manipulative people really be like “oh, so now I’m the bad guy for being the bad guy?”

Just shared via TikTok:

If a zombie and vampire bite each other, who turns who?

Freshly posted on Telegram:

English is so fake. How can you drink a drink, but you can’t food a food?

Going bananas on Messenger:

I noticed my mouse problem is back an I yelled at my cats for being lazy and not doing their job, like I was in a Tom and Jerry cartoon.

If my son ever came out as gay, I’d be so furious. Furious that he never gave me fashion advice.

2 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about parental fashion disappointment and humor about inheritance of style advice.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Oh, you mean I missed out on a personal stylist this whole time?! 😂👗🌈 #ParentingPriorities"

advice, came, ever, family, fashion, furious, gay, humor, ID, me, never, relationship, son

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Social Media Stars ⭐

73 shares on Discord this month:

69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.

44 shares on Discord this month:

‘I have a ripe avocado at home’ is my favorite excuse for cancelling plans.

65 shares on TikTok this month:

We like to vilify hot people, but it’s important to know that people who aren’t hot are also terrible.

98 shares on Snapchat this month:

I always work very hard and intensively to ensure that my wife can proudly say: “That idiot over there? Yes, that’s mine!”

97 shares on YouTube this month:

I am brilliantly social for one and a half hours, and then I need to recover in my bedroom cave for two days.

76 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m starting to think the real hell is just being stuck in an infinite loop of self-doubt and bad life choices.

26 shares on YouTube this month:

Why is it cute when a baby falls asleep clutching a bottle. Yet, when I do it, it’s “concerning”?

29 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m fat because I’m full of experiences, and most of those experiences took place at Mexican restaurants.

89 shares on Twitch this month:

One minute you’re young and carefree. The next minute you can feel in your knee when it starts to rain.

72 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Don’t buy roses for her, buy chicken nuggets. Show her you really care.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

The most important thing I learned in life, and I can’t stress enough, it doesn’t matter where you went to college. The only thing that matters is that you’re really hot.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

Dogs are man’s best friend because a dog would never blindside you with a group chat.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

Let’s be honest. The best moment of the day is when we take off our bra.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

I wonder how much this “Never mind, it’s only 10 bucks” has already cost me?

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

Don’t blame the alcohol. You were an idiot before you started drinking.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

I like my mornings to be slow and quiet. I want the day to romance me a bit before it tries to mess me up.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

This post is invisible, and only heathens can see it.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

The Gen Z stare. The millennial pause. Instead, let’s talk about the boomer inappropriate personal question.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

Cataclysmic events, such as your fingers on my skin.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Keeping my mouth shut is usually not enough to avoid an argument with my husband. I also have to deactivate the subtitle function on my face.

Just landed via YouTube:

I hope one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is single.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I wish I had the confidence of someone who would let themselves be tattooed in a place they can’t see.

Trending via Slack:

Wanna come over and see my mis-matched sock collection?

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Going from summer clothes to winter clothes: “Okay!” Going from winter clothes to summer clothes: “I AM NOT READY!”

Spotted on TikTok:

Cleaning the rocks of the earth one load of my kids’ laundry at a time.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

In a parallel universe, Mariah Carey is doing her shopping and is sick of hearing me on every store’s speaker system.

Just landed via Instagram:

We need a slur for people who use ChatGPT.

Making waves on Instagram:

My favorite thing to do on the weekend is not leave my house.

Broadcasted on Discord:

A murder on the dance floor would explain the panic! at the disco.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If my son ever came out as gay, I’d be so furious. Furious that he never gave me fashion advice.

I never had kids because little kids see too many ghosts and that’s something I’d rather not know about.

How quickly family vacations go from “Omg, we only have 4 days left” to “Omg, we still have 4 days left”

It’s crazy I need a certificate to prove I was born when you can literally just look at me.

I’ll find a cell mate before I’ll ever find a soulmate.

If craziness could fly, some people would have their own airport.

Jehovah’s Witnesses tell the worst knock knock jokes.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If my son ever came out as gay, I’d be so furious. Furious that he never gave me fashion advice.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I never had kids because little kids see too many ghosts and that’s something I’d rather not know about.

How quickly family vacations go from “Omg, we only have 4 days left” to “Omg, we still have 4 days left”

It’s crazy I need a certificate to prove I was born when you can literally just look at me.

I’ll find a cell mate before I’ll ever find a soulmate.

If craziness could fly, some people would have their own airport.

Jehovah’s Witnesses tell the worst knock knock jokes.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨