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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

Oh, I’m so excited to wear Uggs, beanies, and oversized sweaters. I can feel fall creeping up.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

Drugs do not ruin your career. Drug tests do.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

A long time ago, being crazy meant something. Nowadays, everybody is crazy.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

Super excited about a brand new week of faking it.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

Going out on Friday night will always be better than going out on a Saturday night.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

People aren’t too bad if you stay away from them and don’t go outside.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

The divorce process is easier than breaking up with your hair stylist.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

Hike in groups. Bears like to have options.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

Welcome to middle age: your chin looks lonely; here’s another one.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

Got the zoomies at work, and now HR is chasing me around with a butterfly net.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,705

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Telegram:

If you’re alone on Thanksgiving, venmo me $25 and I’ll call and ask you when are you gonna get a “real” job and give me grandchildren.

Shared recently on Reddit:

You never forget your first kiss. Or your first meeting with HR.

Just shared via Snapchat:

People my age are raising children, and I’m just here trying to bribe myself with treats into doing my own chores.

Spotted on WeChat:

Was in a bookshop and asked a worker if he could recommend books to me. He said, ‘Sure, they’re great.’

Seen just now on Telegram:

Here’s your daily reminder to not forget about Dre.

Seen just now on Threads:

He probably could have just called himself “Andre.” I think I would have figured out The Giant part on my own.

Breaking via Messenger:

No more looking back in anger. It’s time to look forward in anger.

Going viral on YouTube:

A chocolate advent calendar is a test of restraint that I simply do not have.

Live now on WeChat:

If you tell me to watch until the end, the end better be in five seconds.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Putting a blanket over my boss so he thinks it’s night time and goes to sleep.

If she tells you, she’s got a man, keep trying. Loyal women don’t even reply.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Like trying to sell ice to an Eskimo! 🙅‍♀️ If she's loyal, she's not gonna entertain your advances. You might as well try to teach a fish to ride a bicycle! 🐟🚲"

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

31 shares on Slack this month:

Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.

31 shares on Pinterest this month:

I love one-pot recipes. So much less mess than when I was trying to cook things without a pot.

18 shares on Discord this month:

Spent the day decorating the house for Christmas and my wife spent the day re-decorating the house for Christmas.

56 shares on Facebook this month:

I think God’s next test for me should be, “Can he handle a ridiculous amount of money.”

95 shares on Discord this month:

Whoever created / mandated the auto start-stop feature on cars should be dragged into the town square to be tarred and feathered!

73 shares on X this month:

The most surprising part of adulthood is parenting your parents.

84 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Slowly I realize why Noah only took animals with him.

25 shares on Instagram this month:

Today, I want to talk about underperforming continents. Antarctica, explain yourself.

36 shares on YouTube this month:

Mario Kart turned out to be the best training for winter driving.

24 shares on YouTube this month:

When you look this sexy, they should let you leave work early.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Oh, sorry, I can’t right now. I’m imagining some things and worrying about them.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

We need an app where introverts can pay extroverts to make phone calls for them.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I need to stop drinking so much. Did I say drinking? I meant thinking. I definitely need to drink more.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s our first time on Earth, so why are you a life coach?

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Every millennial is now paying Apple $9.99/month for 2TB just to not delete their life.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

They invented the word metallic, because irony was already taken.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Yes, I know there is a really special place in hell for me. It’s called a throne.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,524

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

Saving up ketchup packets in the fridge so I can one day open my own restaurant.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

Look, ice cream has eggs in it, therefore it is a breakfast food.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

In search of someone who loves me as much as I love my snooze button.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

I’m not scared of love, I’m scared of insufficient cash.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

Telling my coworkers I can’t talk in meetings today because I need to save my voice for concerts this weekend.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

Needs to be a Google Maps setting where you can ask them not to make you take a left across four lanes of oncoming traffic.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

And so ends another week without me getting rich unexpectedly.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

It took three employees to help me complete “self-checkout” yesterday.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

I wonder if my bank account thinks about me and has panic attacks.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

The actors you see in movies are probably home by now.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Messenger:

It takes only one person in this world to make you smile. It’s called a plastic surgeon.

Trending via X:

Self-care is putting your face on a very soft cat.

Live now on Telegram:

When you’re feeling down, just turn up the music a little louder.

Making waves on YouTube:

Pretty sure the guy in front of me at McDonald’s ordered the rest of the food.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Everyone’s a badass until the doorbell rings.

Going viral on X:

Person in murder documentary: This is a small town. Things like this don’t happen here. Me: Um, based on the shows I watch, that’s all that happens in small towns.

Going viral on Telegram:

I wonder if my guardian angel and my future husband’s guardian angel are in a group chat trying to coordinate.

Shared recently on YouTube:

My girlfriend? You wouldn’t know her, she’s in a different data center.

Going viral on Instagram:

Airports are so funny. Like, “Oh, you’re flying across the country? Would you like to hang out in a mall first?”

Seen just now on Threads:

Toddlers be like, we can do this the hard way or the harder way.

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