If the earth is so flat, explain why cats haven’t pushed everything off it yet. You can’t.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

90% of parenting is wondering when you can lie down again.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

I’m basically the human version of tangled up Christmas lights.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

Why would I want a memory pillow? Sleep is where I go to forget.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

We should be able to take our arms off when we go to sleep, we have the technology.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

Just googled “insanity” over and over but was expecting different results.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

Sometimes after sex, I wonder what it would be like to have sex as a couple.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

Not to brag or anything, but I can forget what I’m doing while I’m doing it.

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This is not what adulthood looked like in the brochure.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

Your honor, if it pleases the court, here’s Wonderwall.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

If I ever find out who stole my identity, I’ll pay all their debts and ruin their credit score just for fun.