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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

Finally got around to emptying the vegetable drawer of the fridge before something started its independence movement in there.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

We literally used to write an essay by hand.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

What no one tells you about having kids is that within a few years you’re in possession of a lot of teeth that you have no idea what to do with.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

Broke my work phone. I can’t talk on it anymore. I should have done this a long time ago.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

Enjoy it now because you’re only going to get older and fatter.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

My self-care routine is mostly just going to Mexican restaurants.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

Tinder, but for nearby people that have a printer you can use.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

In English we say: “You changed.” But in poetry we say: “You became a stranger wearing the face I used to love, and I am haunted by the ghost of who you were.”

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

Trying to eat with my left hand because I need a little excitement in my life.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

Long-term relationship? Like Tom and Jerry?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

236 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,505

Funny Quotes Topics

17,570

Funny Quotes Images

15,505

Jan 6, 2026

3,574

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Facebook:

I once let a really short guy be the big spoon and it felt like I went to bed with a backpack on.

Spotted on Reddit:

Wait. We’re now turning plants into burgers? Haven’t cows been doing that like, forever.

Making waves on Slack:

I need a reasonable job. Something like $3,000 an hour. Nothing too wild.

Making waves on Reddit:

The way Christmas shopping expects me to have money right now is, honestly, disrespectful.

Breaking via Twitch:

Please take your Apple Watch off if you are wearing a dress or formal attire. You look like a spy kid.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Old people be like, “No elbows on the table, it’s rude,” then say something racist.

Spotted on Messenger:

I finally got 8 hours of sleep. Took me four days, but whatever.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I’m not super into getting older but I do like how nobody asks me to help them move anymore.

Spotted on Messenger:

Ending my thesis paper with “but who cares what I think?”

Just landed via Reddit:

If anything I post makes you mad, just know that it pleases me.

If you accuse me of yelling, you will start to hear yelling so you can note the difference in the future.

2 months ago

0

If you accuse me of yelling, you will start to hear yelling so you can note the difference in the future.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh, fantastic idea! Let's turn up the volume on clarity! 🔊🗣️ Just a friendly heads-up – my decibel level may fluctuate depending on your accusations. Consider it a crash course in vocal dynamics! 🤣🎤 #AmplifyTheDifference

accuse, communication, difference, future, hear, humor, irony, me, note, start, yelling

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Life would be so much easier if you could push a button that makes dickheads fall through a trap door in the floor.

0

2 months ago

button, dickhead, door, easier, fall, floor, frustration, humor, life, much, push, thinking, trap, trap door, wishful, wishful thinking
“The heart wants what the heart wants,” I whisper as I slowly walk up to the dessert table.

0

3 weeks ago

craving, dessert, food, heart, humor, i, sweet, sweet tooth, table, temptation, tooth, walk, wants, whisper
If you watch soccer backwards, it’s about 11 sad and 11 happy men who nag each other until they get along eventually.

0

2 months ago

along, backwards, getting, getting along, happiness, happy, humor, men, nagging, perspective, sad, sadness, soccer, watch
“You’re a cardiologist? Is that like a fancy name for an auto mechanic?”

0

2 months ago

auto, auto mechanic, car, car repair, cardiologist, doctor, fancy, funny question, humor, joke, mechanic, medical, name, profession, question, repair
Whoever salts the fries at McDonald’s needs to come do the roads.

0

4 weeks ago

complaint, fast, fast food, food, fry, humor, McDonald’s, needs, road, salt, SALTS, seasoning
I tried to act normal once, worst five minutes of my life.

0

2 months ago

act, attempt, experience, i, life, minutes, normal, worst

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

22 shares on Telegram this month:

It’s pretty apt that the ‘i’ is in the middle of ‘hurricane’.

22 shares on Twitch this month:

Before I agree to the new year, I wanna read the terms and conditions.

36 shares on WeChat this month:

Waving at the end of every Zoom call like it’s the 1800s and a big steamship is leaving the harbor.

25 shares on Instagram this month:

Why is it spelled “camouflage” and not “ “?

53 shares on X this month:

The only time your man will surprise you is when you specifically tell him what you want.

55 shares on Discord this month:

Grok, is this true? Grok, am I original? Grok, am I the only one? Grok, am I sexual?

13 shares on Discord this month:

I hate when people tell me I need to “get out of my comfort zone,” like I don’t even have a comfort zone; I am literally always uncomfortable.

24 shares on Pinterest this month:

Therapy? You mean birdwatching.

23 shares on X this month:

Me, waiting on an email: What the hell is taking so long, this is ridiculous. Me, sending an email: this can probably wait another three weeks or so.

54 shares on WeChat this month:

Me, one week before the new year: Not to brag, but I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of the year.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Big fan of calling artists their first name and then the band name as their last name.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate it when people threaten to come over. Now I’ve got to do 2 years of housework in 30 minutes.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

The problem with relationships these days is you don’t know if you’re the one being cheated on, or cheated with.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I haven’t been with anyone in 3 years. I feel sorry for my next boyfriend. He might not make it through the day.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

If you say my name three times in the mirror, I show up and kiss you on the forehead.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Having a good heart has done nothing but made me look stupid.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I hope whoever came up with the spelling for Wednesday was punished for their actions.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Let’s tell the truth cell phone. I don’t have six missed calls. I have six ignored calls.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

At Christmas time, all outstanding invoices are always transferred with the reference “Hohoho”.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Be the elephant you wish to see in the room.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

236 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,505

Funny Quotes Topics

17,570

Funny Quotes Images

15,505

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,599

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

This weekend was so busy, I hardly had time to sit around in my pajamas and doom scroll.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

Old people get so mad when you’re young and tired.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

Rest here, weary doom-scroller, you’ve seen enough bullshit for one day.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

Once my school teacher lectured me for unacceptable behavior. That’s 30 mins of sleep I am never getting back

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

The second date is you watching me parallel park and trying not to have a stroke.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

It may sound crazy but some of us are nice without hidden agendas.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

Jokes on you, unknown number. I barely answer my phone for people I know.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

I like online shopping and putting everything I want in a cart, then checking my subtotal and laughing and closing the tab.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

I dare you to try and be more single than me.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

Spring is what we call the time in between complaining about the cold and complaining about the heat.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on TikTok:

Just in case you don’t know, it’s “piqued” your interest, not “peaked”.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Does anyone else feel like their brain has a hundred tabs open at once?

Making waves on Threads:

More candlelight, less gaslight, babe.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Everyone wants the bagel to be everything, but no one asks if the bagel needs anything.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Girls be like, “Baby, I have a great idea,” and it’s a trip you have to pay for.

Going bananas on Discord:

Men can stay up til 2 a.m., wake up at 6, be in debt, broke, alone, and still have faith that one day, everything will work out. It’s called being a man.

Making waves on X:

Can I just skip to the part in my life where I’m rich and happily in love?

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Hardest part of beekeeping is thinking of all the names.

Going viral on TikTok:

Instead of making a sound, car alarms that go off at night should blast your name so everyone knows it’s your car.

Just landed via TikTok:

Is it still murder if they said, “Some other time,” but I thought they said smother time?

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