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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

Doggy style means I get a treat afterwards, right?

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

I can relate to America, because I too am about to enter a depression.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

My sleeping cycle is completely backwards. In the morning I feel sleepy and at night I can’t fall asleep.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

Naps are like gambling for the tired. You either wake up refreshed or too late to lots of angry texts.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

Insane that you have to defend yourself at the end of the Ph. D.! Why are you attacking me? I’m so tired.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

I haven’t had sex in so long, I forgot how to moan, what if I mess up and bark?

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

Good morning to everyone except people who sit right next to you when there’s a whole room full of empty seats.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

Kinda miss when crushes were butterflies instead of complex emotional calculations about compatibility and red flags.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

I didn’t go to the Carribean, my tan is from standing in front of the rotisserie chicken at Costco.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

Dry January is so funny. People are like, “How can I make the worst month of the year even worse?”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,595

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on X:

People who wear jeans for fun around their house have bodies buried in their backyard.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Teach a man to fish, and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach your kid about stingrays, and he will pretend to sting you all afternoon.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Explaining myself is too much work. Please just judge me.

Spotted on WeChat:

“Why are you so quiet?” Because I’m barely even here.

Going viral on Snapchat:

The real flex is becoming the woman he cannot run back to.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I don’t make mistakes, I date them.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Amazon’s checkout needs a breathalyzer feature which cancels your order if you’ve been clearly drunk-shopping.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

I’d like to meet the person who decided that if you wanted to get married fast, it had to be done by Elvis.

Shared recently on Discord:

I have re-entered the Band of Brothers rewatch stage of male depression.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

If onion powder is dehydrated onions blitzed into powder, how much onion powder would I need to consume to have eaten a whole onion?

If you accuse me of yelling, you will start to hear yelling so you can note the difference in the future.

2 months ago

0

If you accuse me of yelling, you will start to hear yelling so you can note the difference in the future.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh, fantastic idea! Let's turn up the volume on clarity! 🔊🗣️ Just a friendly heads-up – my decibel level may fluctuate depending on your accusations. Consider it a crash course in vocal dynamics! 🤣🎤 #AmplifyTheDifference

accuse, communication, difference, future, hear, humor, irony, me, note, start, yelling

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Unfortunately, I will continue to get sexier and funnier.

0

2 months ago

confidence, funnier, humor, i, personality, self-improvement, sexier
When the job market is so bad that you’re going to follow your dreams instead.

0

3 months ago

bad, career, choice, dream, dreams, follow, going, humor, job, job market, life, life choice, market, motivation, unemployment
Commenting “Obviously AI” on pictures of happy couples.

0

3 days ago

AI, commenting, couple, couples, happy, happy couple, humor, media, picture, pictures, social, social media
The urge to buy people gifts they’ve mentioned they liked once.

0

2 months ago

buy, gift, gifts, liked, mention, once, people, urge
I’m so jealous of people who know how to shut up. I shut up, and subtitles come out my face.

0

2 months ago

expression, face, humor, i, jealous, jealousy, know, people, shut, silence, subtitles, talking
You cannot trust me at a zoo because I’ll release the animals.

0

2 months ago

animals, me, release, trust, zoo

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

59 shares on Discord this month:

My husband accidentally locked himself out of the house, and I didn’t hear him knocking until I finished eating the rest of his cheesecake. So weird.

16 shares on Reddit this month:

Mud season creeps up on us every year, destroying hearts and minds as well as light grey carpeting.

29 shares on YouTube this month:

I would do absolutely anything for my friends, except answer their text messages.

89 shares on Reddit this month:

I’ve heard that some people have kids who sleep through the night and I’d like to know if they use tranquilizers or chloroform.

39 shares on Twitch this month:

The feminine urge to turn you on and not do anything about it.

35 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m liking your IG photo from 8 days ago because IG just showed me today!

23 shares on WeChat this month:

“You’re a psychopath!” At least I’m on a path, babe, sort your life out.

78 shares on Threads this month:

Don’t ever let a recipe tell you how much cheese you need to add, everyone knows cheese is measured with the heart.

68 shares on Twitch this month:

If we breakup because you “wanna focus on school,” I better see you in Harvard.

85 shares on Pinterest this month:

I composed this post in a way that only the sexy can read it, so congratulations.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Petition to change the name of rice cakes to something else as they are 100% rice and 0% cake and I’m tired of all the gaslighting.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Dates are weird, like, okay I guess I’ll dress up for my romantic interview.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Note to self: Very important! First hang up, then insult.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I got my patience from waiting half the day to download a song from Limewire.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’ve been fantasizing about going back to bed since I woke up this morning.”

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoever removed the 30th and 31st from February, come get the 14th too.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Main difference between me and my jokes is that folks don’t laugh at my jokes.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

When I watch hockey, I pretend they’re fighting over the last Oreo.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

My nephew asks so many questions that Alexa just told him it’s okay to bathe with the toaster.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Due to foreseen circumstances well within my control I will be late.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,233

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

I had a healthy appendix removed, just to show the other organs that I will not tolerate any bullshit.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

4 sneezes in a row is clout chasing. Wrap it up!

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

She’s the kind of beautiful that makes me do 40 push-ups in my room at 3am.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

When you accidentally laugh at your own thoughts, and now people are staring.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

Babies first steal your glasses and then bite your nose. I don’t know where they get their reputation.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

Feels like if cicadas are allowed to just sit in a tree and scream, I should also be.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

Women always want to marry intelligent men. What they don’t know: Intelligent men don’t want to marry.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

I hate when someone on a magazine cover stares at me while I eat.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

In my retweeting era, because I’m just speechless.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

For a guy with no reflection, Dracula’s eyeliner is always flawless.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Instagram:

You’re never too old to become less of an idiot.

Just shared via Twitch:

I’m sorry your man wears his sunglasses on the back of his head.

Spotted on Telegram:

Why are fish the only thing you can monger? Let me monger some other stuff.

Going viral on Facebook:

My bank account and I are no longer on speaking terms.

Broadcasted on Slack:

This year has been the perfect blend of me losing my mind and having the time of my life.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I hate it when I’m at work and someone asks “are you at free at the moment?”. Please expand further so I can know if I’m free or not.

Just landed via Snapchat:

If you like Christmas so much, why don’t you merry it?

Just shared via Pinterest:

There’s a special place in hell for people like you (next to me).

Trending via WeChat:

Cheating before AI required a level of effort that you ended up learning something by default.

Going viral on YouTube:

People who get 0-5 likes at max and still tweet all the time… What’s your secret?

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