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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

Mind if I crawl into your DMs and stay there for a while?

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

Finally it’s Friday and I can go out. I’m putting the garbage out and I’ll be right back.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

Not to brag, but I ate all of my bananas before they turned brown. Don’t be jealous.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

Drove by a woman with her car broke down, I was going to stop and help until I remembered I don’t know anything about cars or women.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

The theory that two stacked beds can’t be converted into two regular beds has been debunked.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

I’m not bothered if you don’t like me, awesomeness isn’t for everyone.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

I’m sick of diarrhea. I want to livarrhea.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

I’m already ready to clock out from work tomorrow.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

Oh great, you brought your ancient ancestors with you.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

I dunno how to flirt but I can insult you so nicely.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,612

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Slack:

A really good magician could be living in your house and you would never know.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I don’t have a welcome mat at my front door because I’m not a liar.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Being annoying is the most beautiful thing a woman could be.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Trying to win an argument online is sociopathic. I would concede anything to get a stranger to leave me alone.

Going bananas on Instagram:

My bank assures me my money is safe with them, yet they keep their pens chained to desks and most of them are missing.

Trending via Pinterest:

This post is highly top-secret. You need to forget that you’ve seen it immediately.

Live now on Threads:

The best way to reach me is with intelligence and humor.

Going viral on Instagram:

My dogs have learned that whenever they hear the f-word in the kitchen, there’s now food on the floor.

Spotted on Pinterest:

What doesn’t kill you makes you weird at intimacy.

Just landed via Reddit:

Next time you think I am flirting with you, ask yourself if kindness is so rare in your life that you mistake it for desire.

IKEA is the swedish word for “relationship meltdown in a public place.”

2 weeks ago

Humorous text about relationships, comparing IKEA to public relationship chaos.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, IKEA, where lovebirds can go from assembling furniture together to dismantling their relationship in the blink of an eye! 🇸🇪💔 Who knew those adorable Swedish meatballs and stylish shelving units could lead to such meltdown drama in the aisles? 😂 Just remember, it's always wise to measure your love compatibility before attempting to put together a Billy bookcase! 🛋️🔧 #IKEArelationshipwoes

activity, date, humor, IKEA, meltdown, place, public, public place, relationship, Swedish, word

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

17 shares on Telegram this month:

The Internet is fun because you can post about banana bread and somehow end up in a fight.

73 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Recovering people pleasers will be like, “I’m in my villain era!” and it’s just politely drawing healthy boundaries.

96 shares on Twitch this month:

Cars should have two horns, one for “excuse me, kind friend,” and another for “curse you and your family for generations.”

24 shares on WhatsApp this month:

November is for turtlenecks and depression.

90 shares on Instagram this month:

I try not to post too much, to give everyone else a better chance at being seen.

49 shares on Pinterest this month:

“It can’t get any worse than this”, I lie to myself knowing it will absolutely get worse.

21 shares on Reddit this month:

The difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body is that I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

58 shares on Messenger this month:

I was raised to be humble which I excel at cause I excel at everything.

83 shares on Messenger this month:

The problem with people starts when we expect things from them, or have anything to do with them.

67 shares on X this month:

I’m old enough to remember when regular websites were usable.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Professor: Most of you won’t pass this course. Me: Cool, so you’re like, real shitty at your job.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I know it’s true because the people on the internet said so.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s important to fuel your body with essential nutrients, which can be found in cookies, chips, and candy.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Congress taking an entire month off in a country where most people don’t get more than 2 weeks’ vacation is awesome.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Instead of likes, we should get a little kiss.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Dear unsuccessful applicant, we ultimately decided to split the role between existing staff without paying any of them extra.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m already spoiled… please don’t come into my life trying to unspoil me.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Coffee tastes so much better handed to me.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Of course your crush is going to leave their spouse for you. That’s how delusions work.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Keep your fries close and your onion rings closer.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,437

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

Can everyone log off? I need some time alone right now.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

My bank account and I are no longer on speaking terms.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

The younger generation will never know the fear and anxiety of calling your friend’s house, and their parents answer the phone.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

What if we kissed while watching the decay of our society?

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

My first thought upon waking up in the morning is “not again”.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

Your 20s are for developing attachments to people who will haunt you for the rest of your life.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

A chocolate advent calendar is a test of restraint that I simply do not have.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

Now I know why my dad used to wake up at 4AM and just sit at the kitchen table for an hour.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

My superpower is wasting time I don’t even have.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

Calling a lobotomy a “lobobo” to fit in with Gen Z.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Reddit:

Don’t study, get slutty!

Making waves on Telegram:

Being single is so crazy. What do you mean there’s No One?

Broadcasted on X:

I’m bringing back “hold your horses” and nobody can stop me.

Making waves on Telegram:

Me watching any modern ad: How is this ad an ad for the thing it’s an ad for?

Seen just now on Messenger:

Only after moving in together do you realize your girlfriend’s little quirks. Mine, for example, stores vegetables in the beer compartment.

Spotted on X:

No matter how weird things seem to get, there’s always an episode of The Twilight Zone that was eerily similar.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Death by a thousand stupid questions.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I love when my brain cells kiss and I have an idea.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Me, gently telling my kids that I ate the rest of the ice cream: Your dad ate the rest of the ice cream.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

I say “long story short” and then tell the story with bonus features.

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