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Don't worry, not everyone can pull off the toothpick swagger like a cowboy in a wild west movie. 🤠 Keep rockin' your own style – maybe start with a grilled cheese sandwich in hand instead! 🧀🤪 #ChewingMySnackNotToothpick

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

You can’t argue with me because I’ll just agree with you until you leave.

1 month ago

agree, argue, argument, conversation, humor, just, leave, me, sarcasm, wit
Y’all scared to be single, I’m scared to be in another pointless relationship.

1 month ago

another, dating, fear, heartbreak, humor, love, pointless, relationship, sarcasm, scared, single
Someone needs to press pause on this weekend.

4 months ago

humor, needs, pause, press, relaxation, someone, time, weekend
Sperm me would be swimming in the other direction.

1 month ago

direction, humor, joke, me, sperm, swimming, wordplay
Dear predictive text, I am tired of sending people “Thanksgiving” when they send me a recipe or directions.

2 months ago

am, communication, directions, frustration, humor, i, me, people, predictive, predictive text, recipe, send, technology, text, Thanksgiving, tired
My coffee and I used to be hot. Now, we’re just bitter.

1 month ago

bitter, caffeine, coffee, drink, hot, humor, i, just, relationship, used

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

Desperately searching the dating app settings for an option to turn down the difficulty level.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t need a special occasion to buy a cake.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

I automatically assume everyone finds me unattractive until they tell me otherwise, and then I assume that they are lying to make fun of me.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

I received a bank alert text for suspicious activity. I was buying fruit.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

Sometimes you send an email that requires a response, and the other person writes back right away, and it’s like NO NOT YET.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

If an alien is 60 million light years away and is watching us through a telescope, it will see dinosaurs.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

Eating trail mix should count as hiking.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Telegram:

I feel so bad when I overtake an old person on the sidewalk. Like, man, I really didn’t mean to flex on you with my youthful stride.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Buying groceries with no food stamps should boost your credit score.

Going bananas on Slack:

Just a few more hours of scrolling, and then I will finally know.

Spotted on Messenger:

Why don’t straight men and lesbians hang out like straight women and gays do?

Shared recently on Discord:

Liking a song isn’t enough, I need to be able to call the artist and tell them they did a great job.

Spotted on YouTube:

I’m getting close to that age where people applaud the things I’m “still able to do”.

Spotted on YouTube:

I was talking to someone and combined “all good” and “no worries” by saying “all worries”, which was a lot more accurate.

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Activity Log ✨

I’ll never be badass enough to walk around chewing on a toothpick.

You can’t argue with me because I’ll just agree with you until you leave.

Y’all scared to be single, I’m scared to be in another pointless relationship.

Someone needs to press pause on this weekend.

Sperm me would be swimming in the other direction.

Dear predictive text, I am tired of sending people “Thanksgiving” when they send me a recipe or directions.

My coffee and I used to be hot. Now, we’re just bitter.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

“The engine light is on!” Yeah, that means it’s working.

Another day without sex, but a mosquito just sucked on my neck and I moaned a little bit.

I would flirt with you, but I’d rather seduce you with my awkwardness.

A sandwich has the power to change your entire life.

If you have a pure heart, you can make pretty much any non-baking meal off just vibes and intuition.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Channeling my inner pretzel to achieve expert-level bad posture.

Take your days off, these jobs don’t care about you.

Am simultaneously the family’s black sheep and gold star, and that’s exactly why I’m the way I am.

I drive like I’m immortal.

I brake for no one, except squirrels.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Cleaning the kitchen, but saw the laundry, so I watered a plant, and now I’m making a dentist appointment.

Senility is the pits. Spent an hour driving around the mall parking lot looking for my car.

Wake me up when I’m rich!

God forbid a girl wanna kiss and be kissed.

Wow, I absolutely love your outfit. The black really brings out the pet hair on it.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Boy, are you a piñata? Because I have an overwhelming urge to beat you with a stick.

Men don’t chew on toothpicks all day anymore.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.

I’m kind of excited about the apocalypse. I would love to eat a basement full of food.

“You’re so understanding,” yeah, because I don’t want to go to prison for the rest of my life.

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I’ll never be badass enough to walk around chewing on a toothpick.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

You can’t argue with me because I’ll just agree with you until you leave.

Y’all scared to be single, I’m scared to be in another pointless relationship.

Someone needs to press pause on this weekend.

Sperm me would be swimming in the other direction.

Dear predictive text, I am tired of sending people “Thanksgiving” when they send me a recipe or directions.

My coffee and I used to be hot. Now, we’re just bitter.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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