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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

It’s okay to get rid of the boxes for the electronic things you’ve had for the past couple of years.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

Every time I use self-checkout, the person in front of me has never used self-checkout, touchscreens, or money before.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

Insane that you have to defend yourself at the end of the Ph. D.! Why are you attacking me? I’m so tired.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

Women are like a fitted sheet. No matter what you do or how hard you try, they just never seem to cooperate.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

What if AirPods had tongues and they started licking the inside of your ears to indicate they’re low on battery?

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

I hate when people ask me what I’m doing tomorrow, I don’t even know what I’m doing today.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

I think it’s sad that getting married is one of the only ways to guarantee somebody will be forced to make a speech about how great you are.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

People complain about jury duty as if listening to true crime all day and being sequestered at night isn’t secretly every mother’s fantasy.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

Watching my wife absolutely hate my daughter’s boyfriend while being nice and hospitable to him has made me question every interaction I’ve had with another human being in my life.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,463

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

Common sense is so rare these days that it should be considered a superpower.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Appliances always know when you’re getting a tax refund.

Just landed via Discord:

Love when job applications ask for my desired salary so I can choose between not being hired and being exploited for my work.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Being on Twitter right now is like playing the violin on the Titanic, except we are also making fun of the iceberg and the iceberg is getting genuinely mad.

Going viral on Facebook:

Aliens are coming to Earth, people are going to the Moon, and I am still pushing on a door that says pull.

Spotted on Discord:

Apparently, stress balls are not supposed to be thrown at people who are stressing you out.

Going viral on Messenger:

Every time I get the urge to clean, I watch Hoarders and I decide my house isn’t that dirty after all.

Spotted on Telegram:

The note on this boxed wine says ‘Fresh up to 6 weeks after opening’. 6 weeks. Lol.

Going viral on Messenger:

My idea of fun is watching something on the TV while I look at relevant Wikipedia articles on my phone.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Not my room, not my elephant.

I’m just a crazy person looking for a crazy person who finds me completely normal.

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I’m just a crazy person looking for a crazy person who finds me completely normal.
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Commentary:
"Looking for my fellow 'normal' unicorn in a world full of 'crazy' 🦄🤪 Anyone out there? Let's be weird together and call it love! 💕😜"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

91 shares on Reddit this month:

Looking to sell my DeLorean. Great shape, low mileage. Only driven from time to time.

30 shares on Snapchat this month:

I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

86 shares on Twitch this month:

Probably the most humiliating thing that can happen when you die is that you come back as a fitted-sheet ghost.

55 shares on TikTok this month:

Please, Tinder, add AI to your app. I don’t want to be involved in the modern dating experience. Let a robot do it for me. Let the machines suffer in our place.

95 shares on LinkedIn this month:

A single garbageman contributes more to society before lunch than every crypto trader and op-ed writer combined does in their lifetime.

72 shares on X this month:

Just spoke to my wife while the internet was down. She seems nice. She’s a nurse apparently.

41 shares on Discord this month:

It’s really sad that April Fools is the only day people are appropriately skeptical of stuff they read on the internet.

85 shares on Slack this month:

I wish my wife’s sighs came with subtitles.

19 shares on Reddit this month:

I don’t want to “act young”. I just can’t be as “grown up” as others my age.

17 shares on Facebook this month:

The word “ugly” cannot be used on women, I’m sorry. Women just can’t be ugly, that’s a boy thing.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

You ran a half marathon? That’s really cool, I’ve almost finished a bunch of things, too.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Biting your tongue while eating is a perfect example of how you can still screw up, even with decades of experience.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

How lazy are you?” I greet people by raising my eyebrows.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

For introverts, the worst kind of head-on collision is running directly into the person we’re avoiding at the grocery store.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Unfortunately, the movie you want to watch is unavailable on your 13 streaming services. You can rent it for $2.99 though.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t rise and shine. I caffeinate and hope.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not getting fatter. I’m increasing my content.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m so grateful when people tell me to drive safe, cause then I remember not to drive off that cliff.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

The sweet spot is just enough pain to know you’re alive, but not quite enough to wish you were dead.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Out of sheer boredom, I opened the front door and rang the doorbell. I was so happy.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,505

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

I giggle before I go crazy. Gotta start my engine.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

Please don’t leave me to my own devices. They’re all out of batteries.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

If I win the lottery, no one around me will be broke, and I truly mean that. I will move to a wealthy neighborhood.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

Spiders are the only web developers who love finding bugs.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

When you realize a 9 to 5 is actually an 8 to 7, since you cannot teleport to work.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

The older you get, the farther away your toenails are when they need a trim.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

My kid is turning out just like me. Well played, karma. Well-played.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

Getting a second opinion about my Tamagotchi’s health.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

I’m at the age when riding around town, I say, “When did they build that?”

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

Source? Divine intuition, gut instinct, and cryptic symbolism from my dreams.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Slack:

My bed has a stronger influence on me than my ambitions.

Just shared via Threads:

People drive you insane and then say “see, I told you that you’re insane.”

Trending via WhatsApp:

I don’t know if I’m pregnant or what, but I’ve been craving 3 million dollars so bad.

Just shared via Slack:

Candy companies will look you straight in the eye and lie about how they know what a banana tastes like.

Just landed via YouTube:

So many spreadsheets and not once did I feel excelled.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

We often come across people in life who make us think: “Oh look, evolution takes a break too!”

Spotted on Reddit:

My sex face is the same as my first pee in three hours face.

Live now on WeChat:

I want time to sit and read, take a nap and snack. Basically, I want to be in Kindergarten.

Making waves on WeChat:

Watched a movie on Netflix last night that was so bad, I walked out of my own house.

Breaking via Discord:

Everyone knows that Christmas is the celebration of the immaculate conception of Mariah Carey.

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