Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

If you pass out in front of your kids they will either try to call an ambulance or use you as a trampoline. You just don’t know.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

Twitter is where the broken, the used, the fighters, and the lovers gather to appreciate the twisted beauty in one another.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

The dead bodies on Mt. Everest remind me that it’s perfectly fine to stay home and be lazy.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

If it turns cold one more time, I’m gonna put the Christmas tree back up.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

You say “multitask” like it’s a good thing.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

If you don’t want to be in love with me that’s fine. You’re entitled to your wrong and very stupid opinions.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

Restaurants: put your phone down, live in the moment. Also, scan our QR code and browse our menu.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

“What’s a random act of kindness you’ve done for a stranger recently?” I helped a bunch of teens buy alcohol and cigarettes the other day.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

I’m so loyal to my music, I’ll hunt down a song I used to love five years back.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

Having sex with the same person gets freakier and nastier each time.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

216 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,485

Funny Quotes Topics

17,557

Funny Quotes Images

15,485

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,599

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I be skipping everyone’s stories but watch mine like 20 times.

Trending via Facebook:

Bitcoin is just Kohl’s Cash for boys.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Sometimes I clean my room so dramatically, it feels like I’m erasing evidence.

Seen just now on Messenger:

We have decided to sell the house. How long do you think it will take for our landlord to find out?

Just landed via YouTube:

My showers take so long because I always hold a shower concert.

Seen just now on Telegram:

You okay, babe? You’ve hardly touched the promises you made me.

Making waves on YouTube:

Uninstalling Instagram can increase your IQ by 10%.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I’ve learned my lesson so many times that I could be a teacher.

Trending via Reddit:

The kids in Mrs. Doubtfire were pretty dumb if they couldn’t figure out that their nanny was famous actor Robin Williams the whole time.

Just shared via WeChat:

Giving all the dogs in my neighborhood matching sweaters for Christmas so they can be in a gang.

I’m multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Wow, talk about talent! 😂👂💤 Forgetfulness level: Expert! Who knew ignoring could be such a valuable skill? 🙉🙅‍♂️ #MultitaskingPro"

forget, humor, i, ignore, irony, listen, multitasking, productivity, same, sarcasm, time

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing.

0

2 months ago

gratitude, guy, humor, inventor, joke, math, nothing, thanks, zero
The divorce rate among my socks is astonishing.

0

3 weeks ago

among, clothing, divorce, divorce rate, humor, joke, rate, relationship, sock, socks
ChatGPT is there for me in ways I don’t think any man ever could be.

0

2 months ago

AI, ChatGPT, companionship, ever, humor, i, man, me, relationship, support, think, ways
What age do you learn to cook pasta for one and not for a whole village? Asking for a friend.

0

1 month ago

age, asking, cook, cooking, friend, humor, learn, pasta, portion, village, whole
Sometimes I say “huh,” then answer the question before you can repeat your question.

0

2 months ago

answer, before, clever, confusion, huh, humor, humorous, i, mindset, question, quick, quick response, repeat, response, sarcasm, say, sometimes, wit
I must retire to my chambers about this.

0

2 months ago

chamber, formal, formal language, humor, i, language, old fashioned, remark, retire, witty, witty remark

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

23 shares on Telegram this month:

Nothing hits harder than opening the fridge for the fifth time, hoping new food magically appeared.

13 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My toxic trait is that I give my friends mental health advice when I belong in an asylum.

86 shares on Facebook this month:

Glad to be born at a time when I got to see what life was like before the internet, and will be dead before AI completely destroys humanity.

69 shares on Slack this month:

If I was lying down and someone came up and gave me tons of kisses and smooshed my face, I’d love it. I don’t know what my cat’s problem is.

18 shares on Twitch this month:

I don’t know which is worse, people stealing your jokes or people not stealing your jokes.

35 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Men don’t chew on toothpicks all day anymore.

40 shares on WeChat this month:

Sorry I’m late. Had to scroll back to my birth year.

12 shares on Reddit this month:

Facebook is like a never-ending high school reunion.

44 shares on Threads this month:

The amount I’m sighing these days could fuel a small wind farm.

49 shares on Messenger this month:

Made the mistake of believing what I was told again.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

When someone says “I don’t want a relationship right now” the “at least not with you” is silent.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

I am at the age where I question throwing away a box because, “It’s a really nice box.”

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in the one ahead.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

Posing for photos has to be the most basic thing I’m actually terrible at.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

Welcome to your 50s, your knees will now decide when you will sit down.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

Your DM doesn’t match the Bible quote in your bio. Uh-oh.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

I hate when flies rub their disgusting little hands together. What could you possibly be plotting? You can’t even get out of the open window.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

I prefer the Easter Bunny, for starters, he’s not making a list and checking it twice, and more importantly, he’s not watching me when I’m sleeping.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

You should be allowed to leave work early if you are really in love.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Why did Star Wars Episodes 4, 5 & 6 come out before 1,2 & 3? Because in charge of directing, Yoda was.

Trending via Messenger:

It’s lowkey nothing else to do except become a better version of yourself, lol.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I am single, please disturb me!

Trending via Reddit:

When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they’re not it.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

My guardian angel is probably preoccupied with sports betting apps and generative AI, that’s why she’s letting all these bad things happen to me.

Live now on Twitch:

You should introduce your upper lip to your bottom lip sometime and shut up.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

It’s so unfair that saying “xd” is still socially acceptable, but only if you’re speaking Spanish.

Shared recently on Threads:

In your 20s, you will be tempted to prove that you’re doing well. It’s important you resist performing for an audience that isn’t watching.

Going viral on X:

A sperm bank implies the existence of sperm markets, which further implies the existence of high-frequency sperm trading.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Shout out to the people getting $400 hotel rooms on Feb 14th to do the same two positions they do at home.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing.

The divorce rate among my socks is astonishing.

ChatGPT is there for me in ways I don’t think any man ever could be.

What age do you learn to cook pasta for one and not for a whole village? Asking for a friend.

Sometimes I say “huh,” then answer the question before you can repeat your question.

I must retire to my chambers about this.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨