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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

You try to fart in the toilet in the morning without waking the whole house and thanks to the brilliant acoustics of the toilet bowl, the horn of Gondor sounds.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

I don’t do exercise because one time I kneed myself in the face doing a burpee.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

The good news: once you get a PhD, friends and family will refer to you as doctor. The bad news: They will only do it when you’re wrong.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

When it gets past my bedtime, I get so scared.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

Imagine hating me and I’m just here trying to push a door that says pull.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

Not all angels are in heaven, me for example, I’m at work.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

Since emojis have been around, I finally have a rough idea of how women feel when they don’t know what to wear.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

I really miss kissing. I hope next year favors my lips.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

Why are those Mad Max guys always driving around, it’s not like there’s anywhere to go?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,458

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Instagram:

I’m sorry I don’t take orders. I barely take suggestions.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Therapy? I have Spotify.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I run a parody bank account.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I’m getting targeted ads about chin fat and I’m offended by the relevance.

Going viral on Discord:

It took three employees to help me complete “self-checkout” yesterday.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

If you haven’t tried blindfold archery, you should give it a go. You don’t know what you’re missing.

Freshly posted on X:

“So if I had kids, my kids would never…” Spoiler: Yes, they would.

Going viral on Instagram:

Sometimes you need to turn the music up louder and sort your shit out.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Are people born with photographic memories or do they take time to develop?

Seen just now on Facebook:

I accidentally poured vodka on my orange juice this morning. Twice.

I’m naturally funny cause my whole life is a joke.

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Commentary:
Well, if life is a joke, then you must be the headliner of the comedy show! 🎭😂 Just keep laughing your way through the punchlines life throws at you! 🤣 #LivingMyBestJoke

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections
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Social Media Stars ⭐

61 shares on Telegram this month:

I purposely overcook my holiday turkeys so I don’t have to hear anyone at the table say, “moist.”

32 shares on LinkedIn this month:

A big part of aging is accumulating keys and not knowing what they’re for.

11 shares on YouTube this month:

I just wanna be rich enough to not have to run onstage after concerts to get my bra back.

53 shares on YouTube this month:

I have nothing nice to wear for the government shutdown.

50 shares on Threads this month:

Dear music, thanks!

84 shares on Discord this month:

Sports bars exist. There should be bars for monitoring the situation.

95 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’d rather throw everything I own in the trash than try to deal with people on Facebook Marketplace.

52 shares on Messenger this month:

Find someone who cares about you as much as Gmail cares about new devices signing into your account.

85 shares on Telegram this month:

I will never understand people’s fascination with their ancestry, isn’t knowing your current family bad enough.

14 shares on Slack this month:

I really appreciate where you’re coming from. I just wish you’d go back.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

One day you burned a CD for the last time and didn’t even realize it.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish I was a cat, because the fatter you are, the more people like you.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Not to brag, but my children already knew everything I told them today.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

That awkward moment when someone is doing the dishes, and you slowly put your dish in the sink.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can’t eat or play with it, just pee on it and walk away.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine buying a new car, and some superhero throws it at an alien.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t even want a new year this year. I’ll take a lightly used 2006, if it’s available.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I read somewhere on the internet that 87% of what you read on the internet isn’t true, and I believe it.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

The reason I don’t trust polls is because the people being polled are people who willingly answer the phone when an unknown number is calling them.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate when people are outside when I’m trying to parallel park. I need some privacy.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,403

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

But have you tried getting slow neck kisses and soft ear whispers about it?

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

He likes when I shakalaka, so, woop, there it is.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

I miss whatever age I was when I thought five dollars was a lot of money.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

Reoccurring dreams be like: ‘I dunno, here’s a rerun’

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

Life tip: if nothing goes right, go to sleep.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

All I’ve ever wanted is to look good naked, hope that someone can take it.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

You’re either snacking with me or snacking against me.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

Not to brag, but I skipped my mid-life crisis and went straight to cranky old man.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

In marriage, whoever has the cooler last name gets to continue their legacy. Reject tradition.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

Non-parents be like: I would simply instruct the toddler to do something he doesn’t want to do, and he would obey.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Twitch:

I’m still tired from yesterday’s tired.

Trending via Threads:

Mice after a breakup be like “we are not on squeaking terms”.

Breaking via Telegram:

Yes, I make bad decisions when I’m drunk. But I wouldn’t say that the decisions I make when I’m sober are any better.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Just when you’ve built some confidence that you’re a smarter than average human, universe sends you captcha.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Getting the house to yourself for a night is basically winning the lottery.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I love unplanned fun.

Trending via Reddit:

Unfortunately, I will continue to get sexier and funnier.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Nothing gets my heart pumping like receiving an annoying newsletter.

Going viral on Instagram:

Saying “sounds good to me” in a meeting then quickly realizing a lot more was expected from you.

Live now on Reddit:

Big city friend is complaining about a 10 minute wait for a subway while I sit here waiting for the rail replacement horse.

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