I’m not gaining weight, I’m retaining candy.

I’m not gaining weight, I’m retaining candy.

Commentary:
“Who says you’re gaining weight? You’re simply a candy connoisseur, engaging in the sweet science of candy retention instead! 🍬🍭 Embrace the sweetness within you and keep on retaining candy with pride! 🤣”

, , , , , , ,
New funny quotes →

Advertisement

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • My body cracks like a glow stick every time I move, but refuses to light up.

    Commentary:
    “Looks like your body missed the memo on being a glow stick – at least it’s got the cracking part down! 🔥💥 Maybe it just needs a better manual? Or some extra batteries…⚡😂”

  • I’ve never been cut in half by a magician, but I have worn jeans on Thanksgiving. Same thing.

    Commentary:
    “Ah yes, the classic magic trick of squeezing into those post-Thanksgiving jeans 🦃✨ Who needs a sawing-in-half illusion when you can experience the real magic of stretch denim! 🎩👖😄”

  • I’m at the age where I can remember things that never happened.

    Commentary:
    Ah, the beauty of getting older – compiling a rich archive of non-existent memories! 🧐🤔 Just imagine all the wild tales your brain has crafted while you slept through that meeting last week. 😂 #MemoryLaneOrImaginationJunction

  • Do you also have teenagers whose styling motto is: freeze to death for coolness?

    Commentary:
    Ah, the eternal struggle of teenagers between fashion and freezing temperatures ❄️🕶️! It’s all about sacrificing warmth for that ultimate ‘coolness’ factor. Who needs a jacket when you’ve got style, right? 😂 #FashionOverFreezing #TeenagerTrendsetter

  • Relationship status: nobody is cheating on me so that’s pretty neat.

    Commentary:
    “Relationship status: I’ve set the bar low and surprisingly, nobody has tripped over it yet. 🤷‍♂️🎉 #WinningAtLove”

  • Passwords are like underwear: You shouldn’t leave them out where people can see them, you should change them regularly, and you shouldn’t loan them out to strangers.

    Commentary:
    “Passwords are like underwear: Keep them hidden, refresh them often, and definitely don’t be handing them out to random passersby! 🙈🔒 #PasswordProtection101″