Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Who says you're gaining weight? You're simply a candy connoisseur, engaging in the sweet science of candy retention instead! 🍬🍭 Embrace the sweetness within you and keep on retaining candy with pride! 🤣"

candy, diet, gaining, humor, joke, retention, sweets, weight

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Ping me if your boobs glow in the dark.

0

2 months ago

boob, boobs, dark, date, flirt, glow, humor, joke, me, ping
If I ever look at my phone in the middle of a conversation with you, I’m not reading a text; I’m just looking up the definition of a word I just used a bit too confidently.

0

2 months ago

bit, confidence, conversation, definition, ever, humor, i, just, looking, middle, phone, reading, text, texting, too, used, word
“You’re always sleeping,” God forbid a woman wants to be unconscious.

0

2 months ago

always, gender, gender stereotype, God, humor, sarcasm, sleeping, stereotype, unconscious, wants, woman
Forget Spotify Wrapped. I’m more interested in seeing your Pornhub Wrapped.

0

2 months ago

entertainment, forget, humor, interests, Pornhub, preferences, seeing, Spotify, Spotify Wrapped, streaming, wrapped
Being single past 30 is like playing hide and seek, except no one is looking for you.

0

2 months ago

30, dating, hide, hide and seek, humor, loneliness, looking, past, past 30, relationship, seek, single
Tried counting sheep, but now I’m emotionally invested in their backstories and I think one might need therapy.

0

2 months ago

backstory, counting, emotional, emotional investment, emotionally, humor, i, invested, investment, need, sheep, sleep, therapy, think, tried

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

48 shares on Threads this month:

It’s okay to admit you want my lips on yours.

39 shares on Snapchat this month:

If you’re offended by bacon, the United States of America isn’t for you.

44 shares on Pinterest this month:

The Slow and the Furious: me navigating a shopping cart through a grocery store filled with morons.

64 shares on YouTube this month:

Some hoodies don’t hoodie the way other hoodies hoodie.

88 shares on Facebook this month:

Why did Star Wars Episodes 4, 5 & 6 come out before 1,2 & 3? Because in charge of directing, Yoda was.

67 shares on Messenger this month:

I wish I loved exercise as much as I love napping 3 times a day and eating 5 times the suggested serving size.

38 shares on YouTube this month:

Should be able to shazam the inner yearnings of my heart.

34 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My car accidentally drove to a burger shop again. I hate when it does that.

45 shares on Discord this month:

I’d trust a groundhog over a weatherman any day.

63 shares on X this month:

I’m currently trying not to read anything about carbohydrates after 4pm.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

Don’t invite me anywhere in the last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

The only way to forget the mistakes you made in the past is to make even bigger and graver mistakes in the present.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

Never forget that, just a couple of years ago, people were justifying paying $20,000 for a JPEG of an ape.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

Single for Christmas, but at least I won’t be buying presents for a liar.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

Almost all of my bad decisions are food-related.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

Someday I will make a sandwich that will change my life forever.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

Today I told my daughter she’s giving me a headache! She told me “For suggestions and complaints, contact the manufacturer.”

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

“Are we still going?” … An introvert’s attempt to cancel.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

A couple of years ago, the internet was an escape from the real world. Today, the real world is an escape from the internet.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

Having long hair as a guy is so scary because some days I look like the charming lead of a classic film from the 80s, and other days I look like a Discord mod that runs his Magic: The Gathering group like the Navy.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via TikTok:

If I had known I looked this sexy in glasses, I would’ve stopped being able to see a long time ago.

Spreading quickly via X:

The French only eat snails because they don’t like fast food.

Making waves on Telegram:

Doing nothing is hard. You never know when you are done.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Runners who smoke need to pick a side.

Trending via WeChat:

I love people who are fluent in Spongebob references.

Going viral on Threads:

I wish I was mysterious, but unfortunately I just can’t keep my mouth shut.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

At this point, I’m not sure if my house is a mess or my mess is a house.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

My favorite part about being sick is when you sneeze with a cough drop in your mouth and it launches across the room like a cruise missile.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Imagine the carnage at an IKEA team building event.

Making waves on Twitch:

When you clean your room so well that the only trash left is you.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m not gaining weight, I’m retaining candy.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Ping me if your boobs glow in the dark.

If I ever look at my phone in the middle of a conversation with you, I’m not reading a text; I’m just looking up the definition of a word I just used a bit too confidently.

“You’re always sleeping,” God forbid a woman wants to be unconscious.

Forget Spotify Wrapped. I’m more interested in seeing your Pornhub Wrapped.

Being single past 30 is like playing hide and seek, except no one is looking for you.

Tried counting sheep, but now I’m emotionally invested in their backstories and I think one might need therapy.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨