Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • It’s obvious now that democracy is a busted flush and that in future politicians should be selected via several rigorous rounds of Taskmaster.
  • Not the sharpest cheddar on the charcuterie board.
  • Every once in a while, I go outside and run the vacuum cleaner on the driveway, just to make sure the neighbors never talk to me.
  • As a sales clerk, you want to shout after some people as they leave the store: “Are you sure you’ve really REALLY touched everything?”
  • Sex is cool, but have you ever had a can opener that actually works?
  • Outlook just asked me if I’m “enjoying” Microsoft Outlook. As if it’s not the Torment Portal.