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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

The sexual tension between me and the alternate reality I daydream about.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

Everyone wants a drunk text until I’m doing it at noon.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

I don’t miss calls, I stare at them.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

Viewing someone’s LinkedIn after they’ve viewed yours to assert dominance.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

Just told my kids it’s illegal to have the light on while we’re driving. I will not break this cycle.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

Long distance relationships can work if the four of you all truly trust each other.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

If the math problems are too difficult for me, I post them online and write: “Only 1 in 10 can solve this problem.”

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

Money can’t buy happiness, until you’re on vacation and then you realize it definitely can.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

I accidentally poured vodka on my orange juice this morning. Twice.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

King Kong should’ve been able to find a better place to hide than the top of the tallest building in the middle of New York City.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,548

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Threads:

It’s not magic, but I bet you are reading this post with one leg on top of the other.

Just shared via Instagram:

Being old is basically trying to figure out what part of the body the noise is coming from, and why.

Just landed via Slack:

Driving behind a salt truck on a snowy day is a Midwest police escort.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

White, black, yellow, brown, Democrat, Republican, man, woman, straight, gay, transgender, Jew, Christian, Muslim, young and old — you will all taste the same to the zombies.

Spotted on X:

Stay humble and play dumb. People reveal who they truly are when they think they are smarter than you.

Just shared via Twitch:

Facing my uncle’s dreaded lightning bolt attack at the Thanksgiving dinner table.

Spotted on Reddit:

I’m a little too self-aware to enjoy life, and a little too delusional to give up.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

The only thing I don’t miss about the 90s is people smelling like cigarettes.

Trending via Pinterest:

I’ve already picked out my sweatpants for New Year’s Eve.

Spotted on Slack:

You can make friends in a doctor’s waiting room as long as you have something broken and not something coughing.

Insane that you have to defend yourself at the end of the Ph. D.! Why are you attacking me? I’m so tired.

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Insane that you have to defend yourself at the end of the Ph. D.! Why are you attacking me? I’m so tired.
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Commentary:
🤯 "Defending your Ph.D. is like the academic equivalent of a championship fight – except no one warned you that you'd have to battle a committee of professors instead of stepping into a ring! Who knew academia could be so cutthroat? 😂 Just remember, you've got this – stand tall, maintain your sanity, and show 'em who's boss!"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

85 shares on Twitch this month:

Me, telling my kids we’re leaving in 30 minutes: We’re leaving in 5 minutes.

55 shares on Reddit this month:

If you collect the crumbs from one Nature Valley granola bar, you can make three more granola bars.

22 shares on Snapchat this month:

Hear me out. A waiting room where the doctors wait.

38 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m so old and have never even met a woman named Jolene. I’d really like to find her, though. She can have my man.

46 shares on Slack this month:

Why call it a “step dad” when you could have called it a faux pas?

82 shares on Discord this month:

Just let your girlfriend be crazy, like who cares, bro.

59 shares on YouTube this month:

No, babe, your 10-minute incremental alarms starting a full hour before you actually get up only make me love you more.

33 shares on Pinterest this month:

The nerve of a majority of people I meet being younger than me. How dare them?

35 shares on YouTube this month:

The Airbnb reviews never tell you how comfortable the toilets are for falling asleep on.

62 shares on Slack this month:

Most men will receive their first bunch of flowers at their funeral.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

The older I get, the less surprised I’d be if a random body part just fell off one day.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Disliking me is valid. I probably confronted you on your poor behavior, while everyone else just accepted it.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I’d like to know what my dog is thinking as he watches me try one outfit after another while getting ready for a party.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Is it just me, or does anybody else get excited about cancelling plans?

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I could put my keys in the same spot every day, but why deprive myself of a treasure hunt that makes me late.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Farting, but with eye contact.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

“Nothing beats in-person interaction”. Yeah, with someone I know and love, not Denise from finance.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

If you occasionally blow on your bourbon during a Zoom meeting, the other folks will think you’re enjoying a hot cup of tea.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Going to hack Kanye’s account and make him post something normal.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Walking on egg shells? In this economy?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,464

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

Gonna take the kids to the planetarium so they can watch YouTube on their phones.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

My family asked me what I wanted for Mother’s Day, so I packed their bags and changed the locks.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

Laziness is the art to rest before one gets tired.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

I’m addicted to placebos.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

Nobody views your story faster than someone who doesn’t talk to you.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

Painted a big H in my garden to see if I can trap a helicopter. Wish me luck!

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

Every day when I get home, I thank my cats for allowing me to live in their house.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

Violence is not the answer, unless you’re a gaggle of children instructed to break into a piñata.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

Wanna perform obscene blood rituals under the full moon, or nah?

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

I think everyone should get $500 deposited into their accounts every day, just for waking up.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Threads:

Going out on Friday night will always be better than going out on a Saturday night.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

When the doorbell rings, I always go to the door with my jacket on. Depending on who it is, I either just want to leave or have just come home.

Trending via Pinterest:

If you don’t like sports, you are missing a whole world of easy-going conversations with complete strangers.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Born to say “are you f*****g stupid”, forced to say “wow, I’ve never thought about it like that before”.

Going viral on WeChat:

Life is like a roll of toilet paper, the closer to the end you get, the faster it goes.

Making waves on Reddit:

There should be bloopers at the end of horror movies, so it relaxes you before bedtime.

Breaking via TikTok:

I just want what every middle-aged person wants: to remember what it was that I wanted.

Trending via Slack:

Did you know that it’s actually possible to say, “I don’t know enough about this to have an opinion”?

Just landed via Discord:

So does everybody have a collection of grocery bags that you keep inside of a grocery bag?

Just landed via Slack:

Ever since I learned about the concept of networking, I knew I was going to have to do everything alone and do it the hard way.

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