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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

I apologize to my future son for the delay, but it’s just your mom ain’t replying.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

I just ordered a life alert bracelet, so if I ever get a life, I’ll be notified immediately.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

Nothing is complicated when you’re simple-minded like me.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

Jane Austen gave us men who crossed fields in the rain. Mine left me on read, and liked someone else’s story.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

I wonder if this next thunderstorm is thinking of me, too.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

Most of my exercise comes from getting up to let the cat in and out.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

I don’t understand why my husband has to pay for a UFC fight when he could just throw one piece of candy on the floor in front of our kids.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

I want to be cremated so that I will get a smoking-hot body again.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

Today’s youth will never experience the pain of spending all their pocket money on a music album. Because of ONE good song!

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

I don’t think you all understand. If Taylor Swift didn’t have a private jet, she’d be Taylor Slow.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,673

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Snapchat:

I miss you (the money I spent).

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

How do I get recruited by a cult? I need some direction in my life.

Seen just now on Threads:

I will be posting telepathically on all social media today. So if you think of something funny, that was me.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Do beavers even know what they’re doing, or do they just see water flowing down a river and think, “Absolutely not”?

Just shared via Twitch:

At Christmas time, all outstanding invoices are always transferred with the reference “Hohoho”.

Just shared via Pinterest:

The era where you dropped your phone and your battery flew out was just crazy.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

There are too many movies about vampire hunters and not enough about vampire gatherers.

Seen just now on Slack:

Can’t. I’m busy taking this Buzzfeed quiz to find out what kind of potato I am.

Spotted on Twitch:

Kitchen sex, because it might be your only chance of getting laid on an island this summer.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

If you’re reading this, drink some water. You’re not a cactus.

It goes like this: You are born and then you basically do almost everything wrong. Then you die.

3 weeks ago

Funny quote about life's chaotic journey and mistakes from start to finish.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, if life were a multiple-choice test, we'd definitely be acing the wrong answers section! 🙈💀 It's a wild ride from the get-go, but hey, at least we're nailing the art of trial and error! Better luck next lifetime, right? 😅🌟

birth, born, death, die, everything, humor, irony, life, mistakes, wrong

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96 shares on Slack this month:

They should make a biopic of just some random guy.

86 shares on Telegram this month:

If liars’ pants really did catch on fire, watching the news would be a lot more fun.

52 shares on Threads this month:

I’ve been locked out of Tinder because of “unusual activity”. I must’ve got a match.

72 shares on Messenger this month:

This can’t be the life I protected with a mask in 2020.

15 shares on Twitch this month:

“I’m going to try underthinking about a situation, and see if that works.”

46 shares on Reddit this month:

Can I come over and be your midnight snack?

35 shares on Reddit this month:

If I wore a mood ring, it would probably explode immediately.

89 shares on Facebook this month:

Alexa, tell Roomba to get the spider.

34 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m gonna build a pirate ship and sail the high seas. Who’s coming with?

20 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’ve had 50 birthdays in a row without being arrested, which I’d say is an impressive streak!

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

The most important meal of the day is the next one.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

The world started without permission again.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Not leaving the house and not having contact with other people. The punishments of my childhood are now my hobbies.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

If I were in charge of Nike, I’d change the slogan to “Just Say You Did It. Nobody Ever Checks.”

14 folks are currently checking 👀

“Why would I lie to you?” I don’t know, maybe because you’re a liar.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

A swear jar for Twitter would end world hunger.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

You don’t get much engagement? Have you tried being retarded.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I need to social distance with the refrigerator so I can flatten my curve.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

If there is a God and He “loves” us, then explain snakes.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I think my new neighbors are creeps. They seem to be looking into my window every time I’m looking out my window to see what they are doing.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,738

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

I called the cops on my own party, because I was ready to go to bed.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

Sorry I missed your call. I saw that you were calling and immediately threw my phone into an active volcano.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

Only thing I hate more than a liar is a liar that thinks I’m stupid.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

Adulthood is basically just trying to fall asleep at night and stay awake during the day.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

In a parallel universe, there’s a happy me.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

My savings account has been empty for so long that a Spirit Halloween just opened up inside it.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

What’s wrong with the people who come to visit on Sundays? Don’t they have a couch?

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

Our parents used to drop us off at school with no water bottle, no phone and no snacks, yet somehow we survived.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

I’m an adult. I can do whatever I want. And yet, here I am just doing laundry, eating salads, taking antidepressants, flossing my teeth, and going on little walks. Like an IDIOT.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

I named my eraser Confidence because it gets smaller after every mistake I make.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Snapchat:

What would boomers do without their paper shredder?

Trending via WhatsApp:

“How would you describe yourself.” Me: I absolutely would not.

Trending via LinkedIn:

The guy in the stall beside doesn’t know he can shut off his camera shutter.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I’m bringing back “hold your horses” and nobody can stop me.

Just shared via Instagram:

You’re confusing me with someone who cares what you think of me.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Stop using ChatGPT. I can feed you misinformation too and I’m also beautiful and funny sometimes.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Thank you for being friends with me. Baffling decision, but thank you.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Adulthood will turn Gmail into part of your social media routine.

Making waves on Telegram:

The only exercise I’ve done this month is running… out of money!

Just landed via Instagram:

People watching you so close, you’d think you were a Netflix series.

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