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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

Marriage is where you gasp while your husband is driving, and he gets super annoyed over and over.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

The best part of getting older? I can wake up on my day off, without an alarm, at the same time my alarm would go off.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

Shout out to the people getting $400 hotel rooms on Feb 14th to do the same two positions they do at home.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

Take my advice, I’m not using it.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

Piñatas are a fun way to intentionally maim the guests at your party.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

Grateful for independence mostly because British food is gross.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

They are mad because you took that knife out of your back and used it to cut ties.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

A man will beg you to take him back just to act right for 5 days and 24 min.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

I only trust people who give off unemployable energy.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

Incense sticks are just disappointing sparklers.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,691

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Threads:

Some hoodies don’t hoodie the way other hoodies hoodie.

Just shared via YouTube:

I’m pretending to be a hot girl on Tinder so I can match with my roommate and tell him I’m coming over, so he’ll clean the apartment.

Just shared via Telegram:

If you tell lies about me, I’ll tell the truth about you.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I feel like I should give my air conditioner a plaque for employee of the month.

Trending via Instagram:

The most attractive thing a man can do is hitting his own head and repeating “stupid, stupid, stupid”.

Live now on YouTube:

Is it okay for me to start drinking as soon as the kids are at school, or am I just a terrible teacher?

Making waves on Facebook:

Basically a lot of my problems boil down to me being really bad at waking up, and also really bad at going to sleep.

Spotted on Reddit:

Showering & getting in bed is literally one of the best combos ever.

Trending via YouTube:

I’m changing the game. I’m starting to thank people from the top of my heart.

It’s a good thing that not everyone has a smartphone. We also need people who honk when the lights turn green.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Thank goodness for the non-smartphone users, ensuring the honking tradition stays alive! 🚦📵 Keep the honk alive, folks! 😂"

driving, everyone, good, green, honk, humor, lights, need, patience, people, smartphone, technology, thing, turn

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

In case of a disaster, women and children are being evacuated first so men can think about a solution in peace.

0

2 months ago

being, children, disaster, evacuation, humor, men, peace, solution, think, women
Apple juice tastes like it wants to be alcohol, but it’s too shy.

0

5 months ago

alcohol, apple, apple juice, drink, fruit, fruit juice, humor, juice, shy, taste, too, wants
I’m at the age where, if you ask me to go out after 9 p.m., I’m definitely not coming.

0

2 months ago

9, after, age, age-related, age-related humor, ask, bedtime, coming, definitely, humor, humor about age, late, late night, me, night, night out, nightlife, where
Was in a bookshop and asked a worker if he could recommend books to me. He said, ‘Sure, they’re great.’

0

4 months ago

asked, book, books, bookshop, conversation, great, humor, joke, me, misunderstanding, recommend, recommendation, said, sure, worker
Losing a white tee to a stain is a different kind of grief.

0

2 months ago

clothing, different, frustration, grief, humor, kind, laundry, losing, stain, tee, white, white tee
People will name their dog Steve and have two kids named Buddy and Rocket.

0

2 months ago

buddy, children, children names, dog, dog names, family, humor, kids, name, names, naming, people, pet, pet naming, rocket, steve

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

39 shares on Messenger this month:

As a pigeon mother, I would never let my pigeon daughter hang around the station. That’s really no place for a young pigeon lady.

37 shares on Threads this month:

I always make sure the garage door is shut. Wouldn’t want hoodlums stealing the stuff I’ve been meaning to get rid of for years.

38 shares on YouTube this month:

I did 30 minutes of chores, time for a 7-hour break.

55 shares on TikTok this month:

When I put on weight, it’s around my stomach. When I lose weight, it’s around my legs. I’m not a structural engineer, but that can’t be good.

74 shares on X this month:

Pool rules: You’re not allowed to do anything that begins with the words ‘Hey everyone watch this!’

86 shares on Threads this month:

Unless you fell off the treadmill, no one wants to hear about your workout.

78 shares on WeChat this month:

Pretending to be a well-adjusted, functioning adult is so exhausting.

89 shares on Messenger this month:

Eating trail mix should count as hiking.

90 shares on Instagram this month:

I kind of can’t wait for my generation to be bumping 90’s hip hop, rap, and heavy metal at the old folks’ homes.

63 shares on X this month:

Only DM me if you like disappointment.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

First date idea: unlock and switch phones with the other person for exactly two minutes and if no one is horrified then the date continues.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

Girls these days are like a box of chocolates. Some have nuts.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

I lied, there’s no sex. I just needed help getting out of my skinny jeans.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

My security system is just a bunch of my unpaid bills taped to my front door.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

No thank you, I only like men who have no interest in me.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

Don’t rub your happiness in people’s faces this Valentine’s Day. Let the couples enjoy themselves for once.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

I don’t have kids or a dog. What can I bring into a bar that will make everyone mad?

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

I hope none of the people I vowed to “help hide a body” ever actually need my help.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

To whoever stole my oversized clock, you owe me big time.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

If you’re not getting spoiled, then spoil yourself.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Slack:

Shade coming from a tree bearing no fruit could never phase me. Carry on.

Trending via YouTube:

Teens are like, “My homework isn’t done, but check out this presentation I made on why I need Instagram.”

Spotted on Twitch:

The thing about Pink Floyd is they take a little while to start singing.

Going viral on Threads:

We have now entered the void (25th December to 31st December).

Live now on Snapchat:

Whenever you feel like the world is falling apart, take a deep breath and remember you’re right.

Going viral on Twitch:

Thank you for being friends with me. Baffling decision, but thank you.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Fellas, be sure to never ask a lady any questions on a date. This makes them feel interrogated. Strong declarative statements only.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that you’re an expert on my life and how I should live it! Please continue while I take notes.

Live now on Threads:

With great power comes a huge electric bill.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Ozzy Osbourne has mumbled through entire sentences, and I still understood him better than most of my exes.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

It’s a good thing that not everyone has a smartphone. We also need people who honk when the lights turn green.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

In case of a disaster, women and children are being evacuated first so men can think about a solution in peace.

Apple juice tastes like it wants to be alcohol, but it’s too shy.

I’m at the age where, if you ask me to go out after 9 p.m., I’m definitely not coming.

Was in a bookshop and asked a worker if he could recommend books to me. He said, ‘Sure, they’re great.’

Losing a white tee to a stain is a different kind of grief.

People will name their dog Steve and have two kids named Buddy and Rocket.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨