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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

Are you there, bathroom walls, ceiling, floor, mirror, sink, and towels? It’s me, the kids toothpaste.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

I was googling about the best time to visit the Maldives. It’s when you have money.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

I really love playing chess with elderly people in the park, but it’s just really hard to find thirty-two of them willing to do it.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

Toddlers will take your last nerve, deep fry it and eat it for breakfast.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

What happened to my ankles tonight mosquitologically can never happen again.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

When my husband says he’ll just be a minute, I know I have enough time to watch an entire television series, paint the house, or go on a quest.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

80% of Americans just want to put on sunglasses and say, ‘Let’s do this.’

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

The dragon with the girl tattoo.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

I hate that I present as an independent woman who doesn’t need any help. It’s a facade. Help me.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

Kinda lame that pretending everything is fine isn’t working.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,621

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Twitch:

That uncontrollable urge to hurt myself and others when a film’s subtitles are slightly out of sync.

Trending via Threads:

They should have made a pool raft that looked like a broken door when Titanic was in theaters. I bet it would have sold millions.

Spotted on Telegram:

Dating apps? No thanks, if I wanted to talk to someone for hours and accomplish nothing, I’d contact tech support.

Freshly posted on Threads:

You are not obligated to post a video of yourself dancing.

Just landed via WeChat:

I’m never early… unless we’re talking about the airport.

Just landed via Telegram:

Why can’t periods just last for an hour? Like, you made your point, I’m not pregnant, you can leave now.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Soft launching your call out the next day by telling everyone at work your stomach feels a little weird.

Spotted on Instagram:

You realize you’re getting old when your body parts start fighting over which one hurts first.

Making waves on Pinterest:

To-do list: bite the hand that feeds me, put all my eggs in one basket, kill two birds with one stone, let the cat out of the bag, think inside the box, burn bridges, walk on thin ice, play with fire.

Live now on Snapchat:

There should be an Amazon driver at the Mall during the holidays so adults can sit on their lap and tell them what they want.

It’s funny how our brains remember that we have forgotten something, but not what we have forgotten.

0
It’s funny how our brains remember that we have forgotten something, but not what we have forgotten.
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Commentary:
Isn't it just like our brains to do us dirty like that? 🧠🤔 It's like having a personal assistant with selective memory – remembering to remind you that you forgot something, but conveniently leaving out the crucial details! 🤷‍♂️ #BrainFail

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

44 shares on X this month:

Who needs a dominatrix when you can be beaten up by an automatically retracting vacuum cleaner cable?

72 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Being a dog must be wild, everyone you meet is your masseuse.

95 shares on Facebook this month:

I can’t wait for my mom to come to my new house so she can tell me how I organized the kitchen wrong.

48 shares on Discord this month:

If life has taught me one thing, it’s that I need more money.

82 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Twitter is the only place where well-articulated sentences still get misinterpreted. You can say “I like pancakes,” and somebody will say, “So you hate waffles?”

66 shares on WeChat this month:

Having an empty laundry basket is the best 5 seconds of my life.

50 shares on Telegram this month:

I have a condition that prevents me from dieting. It’s called being hungry.

34 shares on Threads this month:

It’s fun getting room service. I just love eating a $19 hamburger at a desk in front of a mirror.

97 shares on Telegram this month:

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

27 shares on X this month:

What if they close grocery stores and we have to hunt for our food? I don’t even know where the little gummy bears live.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

You can never really “own” earbuds. You just have to appreciate the time you had together.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

The year I was born, getting a little far on that little scrolly thing.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Santa Claus isn’t real. Ain’t no man checking a list twice.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Eat like your treadmill is watching.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t want to be dramatic, but the work week continuously restarting is literally ruining my life.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Deleted old Tweets just in case I date a very famous woman with rabid fans.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Blowing kisses to my coworkers so that nobody talks to me today.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

My mom asked me to hand out invitations for my brother’s surprise birthday party, and that’s when I realized he was the favorite twin.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

There is no ‘we’ in ‘food’.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

My computer: Consider changing your password. Me: Consider fighting me in the streets.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,500

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

Nothing is smaller than the X on ads to click them away.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

People will think you know what you’re talking about if you give your opinion while cleaning a pair of reading glasses.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

So, if I take out a reverse mortgage on my house does that mean I’ll own a bank after 30 years?

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

King Kong should’ve been able to find a better place to hide than the top of the tallest building in the middle of New York City.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

Kind of miraculous how much love can be summoned and how much your day can be improved by just looking at an animal and saying stuff in a weird voice.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

The older I get, the more I realize being in a hurry is a terrible way to live your life.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

You are why Superman costumes have warning labels telling you the costume won’t make you fly.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

I hate liars, but what I hate more is when they think I’m an idiot and won’t find out the truth.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

Look, ice cream has eggs in it, therefore it is a breakfast food.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

Ok, I cheated in school, but I did it the hard way and without AI.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Threads:

Unfortunately for the both of us, I really like you.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Sharpening a pencil at the bin was the childhood equivalent of taking a cigarette break.

Going viral on Discord:

I grew up ugly, so I had to be funny, and then got hot in my twenties, so that’s how I became perfect.

Just shared via Threads:

“Your account balance is low!” Brother, wait until you see my will to live.

Making waves on Slack:

The only thing that has grown faster than rents in recent years is the overtime we have to work to pay them.

Going viral on X:

The season is back when women are 80% scarf.

Just shared via Facebook:

No dating apps this year. Just going to walk around and smile at people and send an occasional unhinged DM.

Going bananas on Reddit:

It’s called the Summer Olympics so one of the events should be running in flip flops to catch the ice cream man.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Not trying to brag but this cop says my rear end is smoking.

Seen just now on Threads:

The minute I start feeling like a mother to a man, the relationship is over.

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