It’s funny how our brains remember that we have forgotten something, but not what we have forgotten.

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Only thing that can cure my depression is $500 million.

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My dad called my philosophy degree a “license for unemployment.”

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When I die, I want to come back as a speed bump so I can piss people off.

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Have we checked all food to see if exploding it makes it into something better or did we just stop with corn?

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Your future doctor is using ChatGPT to pass med school so you better start eating healthy.

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My anxiety is chronic, but my overthinking is iconic.

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You’re all using your crystals wrong. Put them in a sock and start swinging.

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It’s not too early to go to sleep. Too early only applies to waking up.

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After ten true crime podcasts you start to think you could probably solve a murder. After a hundred you start to think you could probably get away with one.

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I know how to use an abacus as a tambourine.