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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

I don’t carry my wallet to work because I’m afraid someone will steal it while I’m sleeping.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

Someone asked me how much I normally spend on a bottle of wine. Answering “usually an hour” wasn’t the right answer. I know this now.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

Not to brag, but I’m on hold and my call is important to them.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

I don’t want to be dramatic, but the work week continuously restarting is literally ruining my life.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

My birthday wish is for everyone to ignore my birthday.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

Went out of town, came back and the roomba changed all the locks.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

Fyi, if you like listening to “rain sounds,” they’re almost all recordings of chicken being fried.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

One man’s worst nightmare (me) is another man’s peace (also me).

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

I knew I had issues when motivational speakers started to irritate me.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

Me: Maybe it’s the weed talking but your apartment seems enormous. IKEA Manager: Sir.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,356

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Reddit:

Jane Austen gave us men who crossed fields in the rain. Mine left me on read, and liked someone else’s story.

Spotted on Reddit:

Flirting back when you’re bored can really get you into some unwanted situations.

Just landed via Reddit:

Lucky for me, I don’t have enough friends for an intervention.

Trending via YouTube:

This site could use some more people who like to argue about literally anything.

Just shared via Snapchat:

An Advent Calendar for adults but behind every door is a different kind of anxiety medication.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Please continue to leave me out of the loop.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Damn, I just realized that the future idealized version of myself can’t exist without current me being the catalyst for change and doing hard things.

Going viral on Pinterest:

You will give your period 50 acres of prime pad, and it will still choose to encroach on your underwear.

Just shared via Facebook:

The best part about having a crush is when they crush all your hopes and dreams.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Just once I’d like to read a medication label that says: Warning, may cause permanent weight loss, increased energy and wrinkle removal.

It’s obvious now that democracy is a busted flush and that in future politicians should be selected via several rigorous rounds of Taskmaster.

2 weeks ago

Witty quote about politics suggesting replacing leaders with humorous Taskmaster-style rounds.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Democracy might be feeling a bit flushed lately… 💸🚽 But hey, who needs voting when we can have politicians battle it out Taskmaster-style? 🏆💪 Who can balance the budget while wearing a chicken suit? 💸🐔 #TaskmasterElections"

competition, democracy, entertainment, flush, future, governance, humor, obvious, politicians, satire, selection, should, Taskmaster

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

62 shares on Messenger this month:

Current state of politics: The circus is on fire but the monkey is fine.

39 shares on TikTok this month:

Ho, ho, holy shit is Christmas stressful.

48 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Man, you really don’t appreciate not having something in your eye until you have something in your eye.

62 shares on Snapchat this month:

Sorry I’m late — I was standing in the shower, thinking about stuff.

39 shares on X this month:

Sunrises are really beautiful, but the timing is rather bad.

69 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Two words have helped me open a lot of doors in my life. Push and Pull.

14 shares on Telegram this month:

I take issue with furniture that deliberately moves 1 inch when you’re in a rush to get by.

44 shares on WeChat this month:

Are you in love with me yet or do I have to post another Spotify link?

68 shares on X this month:

I don’t know when people started calling hot dogs ‘glizzys,’ but I hate it, and you all need to stop immediately.

19 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I used to question authority, but now I question everything.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

If love is the answer then what was the question?

25 folks are currently checking 👀

There is nothing like a little tomato soup to soothe the soul, even if it’s cold, over ice, with a celery stalk and vodka.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

People don’t catch bullets with their teeth anymore, get out there and practice.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Solitude never hits you with unsolicited opinions.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone should be more grateful for what I don’t say.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Me waking up: wow, I can’t wait to go to sleep tonight.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Me passing someone: you slow mule! Me being passed: okay, speed racer!

15 folks are currently checking 👀

The way Christmas shopping expects me to have money right now is, honestly, disrespectful.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I used to think the cat was dumb for staring out the window, waiting for birds, but I’d probably stare too, if occasionally a pizza flew by.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I consider the second page of Google results the dark web.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,573

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

Dear algorithm, only show this post to the most attractive and successful people.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

You either get a kid who eats like a bottomless pit, or you get one that when asked what they want for lunch answers “No thanks, I had lunch yesterday.”

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

Lack of sex really gets you mad at every little thing for no reason.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

Sorry for acting weird, I am weird, and it will happen again.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

It triggers the little girl in me when I feel like I’m not being listened to when I’m talking.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

When people say I don’t mean to brag, they’re bragging about not bragging.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

I do not have a “body count.” I have a curious spirit.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

Diabetes was the God of sugar.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

Giant-sized bag of candy: I’m resealable. Me: That won’t be necessary.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

The fact that I procrastinate and still get the job done is the reason I still procrastinate.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Slack:

Telling my boss I wasn’t drunk really backfired. I probably should have waited until he asked.

Going viral on WeChat:

I’m addicted to placebos.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Nicknamed my iPhone Lois Lane because it doesn’t recognize me without my glasses on either.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I don’t need to learn something new, I need to remember something old, like why did I come into this room?

Making waves on LinkedIn:

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

Live now on Pinterest:

To the knife wielding psycho who walked in on me in the shower; I’m sorry you had to see that.

Making waves on Threads:

This Monday has Monday written all over it.

Breaking via X:

Today’s book recommendation: “The Art of Silence” by the famous Chinese philosopher Shut-Up.

Going viral on Instagram:

I’m like … if parking too far away from the curb was a person.

Going viral on Facebook:

I really love playing chess with elderly people in the park, but it’s just really hard to find thirty-two of them willing to do it.

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