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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

And for my next trick, I will appear to know what I’m doing.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

Need a permanent vacuum for unwanted thoughts.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

I’m equally comfortable holding a guitar as I am holding a baby, I just hold them both by the neck.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

Yeah, sex is cool, but have you ever crawled out of the worst depression of your life and got your spark back?

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

If I ever say “with all due respect”, please understand that there is none.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

Being an adult is like folding a fitted sheet.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

I don’t care if it’s cliché, I will always enjoy a ‘small town but something messed up is happening’ story.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

I’ve never met a garlic bread I didn’t get on with.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

Thank you, moon, for staying awake so late.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

I like when the rain is misty and you get to feel like a grocery store broccoli for a little while.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,690

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Facebook:

Tuesday is no better than Monday.

Just landed via Messenger:

Tried counting sheep, but now I’m emotionally invested in their backstories and I think one might need therapy.

Breaking via Messenger:

I don’t know who needs to hear this but you’re not dying, it’s just Monday.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

The best essential oils are the ones that drip out of Tacos.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

They should invent a small lifestyle change that has an instantaneous, huge payoff.

Just shared via Reddit:

Them: OMG, I haven’t seen you in so long. Me: Yeah, that was on purpose.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Dog barking like an angry baby, baby crying like an angry dog.

Just shared via X:

Sometimes you choose the GIF-war over your responsibilities.

Shared recently on Slack:

So rude to come up with solutions to my excuses.

Spotted on TikTok:

Who is this Rorschach guy and where did he get all the pictures of my parents fighting?

It’s obvious now that democracy is a busted flush and that in future politicians should be selected via several rigorous rounds of Taskmaster.

1 month ago

Witty quote about politics suggesting replacing leaders with humorous Taskmaster-style rounds.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Democracy might be feeling a bit flushed lately… 💸🚽 But hey, who needs voting when we can have politicians battle it out Taskmaster-style? 🏆💪 Who can balance the budget while wearing a chicken suit? 💸🐔 #TaskmasterElections"

competition, democracy, entertainment, flush, future, governance, humor, obvious, politicians, satire, selection, should, Taskmaster

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

75 shares on X this month:

Living with a dog is 90% following each other around, watching each other go potty, and wondering what the other has in their mouth.

94 shares on Reddit this month:

Even worse than a spider is a spider that just disappeared.

90 shares on Reddit this month:

Need to shave my legs again. Blow-drying takes far too long.

52 shares on Instagram this month:

No more bare minimum, I want the moon and the stars. Maybe even a planet at this point.

51 shares on Slack this month:

Opened two gifts this morning, and they were my eyes.

58 shares on Instagram this month:

One year of friendship, and I’ve not seen your breasts? Are we really friends?

32 shares on Telegram this month:

The most attractive thing a man can do is hitting his own head and repeating “stupid, stupid, stupid”.

79 shares on Threads this month:

We were supposed to have flying cars and other cool stuff, but instead we have AI videos showing Michael Jackson eat at McDonald’s.

84 shares on Slack this month:

Went out of town, came back and the roomba changed all the locks.

57 shares on TikTok this month:

Wearing a condom while she’s on birth control is called two-factor authentication.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Having seductive eyes is not for the weak. I feel like Medusa.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Just saw someone my age running and she wasn’t chasing an ice-cream truck.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone’s a gangster until they have to say sorry.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Americans saw water freeze at 0°C and said, “Let’s make that 32.”

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Social media needs to crash for like a year so everybody can snap back into reality.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Screen time on your computer feels like healthy screen time, screen time on your phone feels like evil screen time.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Clicked on ‘Make a reservation’ on a restaurant’s page, and it opened FaceTime and started calling them. I cannot stress enough how much I do not want that to happen.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Every morning I wake up and think I have a hangover, but then I realize I didn’t drink, and this is just how I feel now.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Polish girls are just winter Latinas.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Girlfriend says because we got Chinese yesterday, we can’t get it again today. I don’t think that makes sense. They do it in China all the time.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,429

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

What song lyric resonates with you the most? Mine is “we’re tiny, we’re toony, we’re all a little loony”

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

The greatest research skill you can have is being a nosy bitch who wants to find out.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

January: the Monday of months.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

Have you ever met the human version of a headache?

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

Kanye is pretty mean for someone with ‘yay’ in their name.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

I always wait 3 minutes after each post for the applause to die down.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

You better be kissing the screen when I send pics.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

Stop wasting your money on beauty products. The secret to looking young is to wear a baseball cap with a propeller on it.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

My home security system is just a copy of my paycheck taped to my front door.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

I haven’t lost my virginity because I never lose.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Messenger:

Who needs therapy when you can gaslight yourself into thinking that everything is fine?

Broadcasted on Threads:

I’m not totally useless. I can be used as a bad example.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Mission Impossible theme song plays in my head when I’m trying to remember a password.

Just shared via Pinterest:

We use our phones to watch videos that remind us of what life was like before we had phones.

Spotted on WeChat:

They said I can never go back to that Vietnamese spot. They banh mi pho life.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I’m not good at solving Pi, but I’m really good at eating it.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I don’t wanna start the year with any negativity so if you and I have had issues in the past, apologize to me immediately.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I had bad luck with women twice. The first left me, the second stayed.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Sometimes I clean my room so dramatically, it feels like I’m erasing evidence.

Shared recently on Discord:

Going to look at the small picture for a while. Tired of seeing the big picture. Too much picture.

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