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Commentary:
"Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck's relationship timeline resembles a rollercoaster ride 🎢, while my love life has been more like a never-ending carousel 🎠 – going around in circles, but never quite getting anywhere! 🙃 #SingleLife"

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I miss when bills were none of my business.

1 month ago
adulting, bills, business, financial, financial stress, i, miss, none, nostalgia, responsibility, stress
Sorry, I had feelings. I’ll replace them with jokes right away.

1 month ago
away, comedy, emotional, emotional suppression, feelings, health, humor, i, jokes, mental, mental health, replace, right, sarcasm, self-deprecation, sorry, suppression, wit
Vacations are expensive, but how else could you put a price tag on your kids being ungrateful in a different city.

5 months ago
being, city, different, else, expense, expensive, family, humor, kid, kids, parenting, price, price tag, put, tag, travel, ungrateful, vacation
Of course there’s birth control for men. It’s called the way they act.

1 month ago
act, behavior, birth, birth control, control, course, humor, men, relationships
If anyone is still on Facebook, please check on my parents.

1 month ago
activity, anyone, check, Facebook, family, humor, media, online, online activity, parents, please, social, social media, still, technology
Everyone’s an empath until I need to borrow some cash.

1 month ago
borrow, cash, empath, friendship, humor, i, irony, money, need, sarcasm

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

Don’t blame the holidays, you were already overweight in August.

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For Valentine’s Day, I’m gift-wrapping a shirt my husband hasn’t worn in years. It’s the thought that counts—and technically, I thought of it twice.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

Let me help you turn that software into hardware.

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Lazy Rule: Can’t reach it, don’t need it.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

Yes, officer I saw the speed limit, I just didn’t see your car.

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Who needs a period calendar when I know I’ll have it when I’m crying over nonsense things.

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I get ignored so much, my name should be “terms and conditions”.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Telegram:

A fly swatter, but for close talkers.

Making waves on YouTube:

The sole purpose of some household items is to make it impossible for you to open the damn drawer.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Getting older means talking to less people and complaining about more people.

Going bananas on Threads:

Celebrating President’s Day by not doing anything I promised I would.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I love dogs with human names because you get to say things like Bob pooped on the rug again.

Breaking via X:

Too bad mosquitos are not into human fat the way they are into human blood.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

The human body requires so much maintenance. Who designed this thing?

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Activity Log ✨

Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck got engaged, broke up, married other people, had children, reunited, got married, broke up again, and I’ve been single that whole time.

I miss when bills were none of my business.

Sorry, I had feelings. I’ll replace them with jokes right away.

Vacations are expensive, but how else could you put a price tag on your kids being ungrateful in a different city.

Of course there’s birth control for men. It’s called the way they act.

Everyone’s an empath until I need to borrow some cash.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

The meteorologist who devised the wind chill factor has died. He was 86, but he felt like 75.

I feel like we’re all just angry and horny.

To anybody I hurt this year, I just wanna say you deserve it. Stop playing with me.

The reason I stay up late is because I don’t want my free time to end, and tomorrow to start.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Airport beer at 6 a.m.? No problem. The airport is a lawless place that is free from judgment.

Thank you, God, for another day. Let’s get this 12-hour screen time.

That Coldplay CEO guy was held more accountable than the president.

Grandparents were right. Sitting in a chair, doing nothing, and staring at nature is incredible.

You don’t have to remember details when you don’t lie.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

My coffee and I used to be hot. Now, we’re just bitter.

I’m pretty sure my husband’s favorite sound is the oven range fan turning on when I start making dinner.

Summer Olympics is just me swimming in sweat and wrestling with my sports bra.

Somebody should market a beer called “Occasionally”. So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.

Too poor for Ozempic but too undisciplined for strict diet and exercise. Is there a secret third option?

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Vegans will look you dead in the eye and tell you cauliflower tastes like ribs.

“Don’t bite the hand that feeds you!” Maybe just don’t bite hands. Shouldn’t have to qualify it.

You know you got a bad haircut when she insists on giving you a $10 discount.

Take my advice, I’m not using it.

Just cleaned out my junk drawer if anyone needs a CD to reinstall Windows 95.

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Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck got engaged, broke up, married other people, had children, reunited, got married, broke up again, and I’ve been single that whole time.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I miss when bills were none of my business.

Sorry, I had feelings. I’ll replace them with jokes right away.

Vacations are expensive, but how else could you put a price tag on your kids being ungrateful in a different city.

Of course there’s birth control for men. It’s called the way they act.

If anyone is still on Facebook, please check on my parents.

Everyone’s an empath until I need to borrow some cash.

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