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Commentary:
"Jesus turned water into wine 🍷, but I turn food into fertilizer 💩. Guess you could say I have a different kind of magic touch 😅🌱 #NotExactlyAMiracleWorker"

comparison, fertilizer, food, humor, i, Jesus, not the same, same, transformation, turn, water, wine

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I love all the Winter Olympic events, sliding downhill on a piece of wood, sliding downhill on two pieces of wood, sliding downhill in a piece of wood. All amazing.

0

2 months ago

amazing, downhill, events, humor, i, love, Olympic, piece, pieces, sliding, sport, winter, Winter Olympic, winter sport, wood
I’d trust a groundhog over a weatherman any day.

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2 months ago

day, Groundhog, humor, ID, nature, over, prediction, trust, weather, weatherman
I’m sorry for the things I said when I was running late due to circumstances completely within my control.

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2 months ago

apology, circumstances, control, honesty, humor, i, late, running, running late, self-awareness, sorry, things
Cigarette smell gotta be one of the worst smells in the history of smells.

0

2 months ago

cigarette, history, humor, opinion, smell, smells, worst
I’m confused how a cemetery can raise its funeral prices and blame it on the cost of living.

0

5 months ago

blame, cemetery, confused, confusion, cost, cost of living, death, expense, funeral, humor, inflation, joke, living, price, prices, raise
Digging my own grave, because I gotta do everything around here.

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2 months ago

around, digging, everything, grave, here, humor, i, own, responsibility, sarcasm, self-deprecation

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

84 shares on Instagram this month:

I used to be a night owl, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more of a person who doesn’t function at any time.

84 shares on Discord this month:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I never wanted to download the Microsoft Authenticator app on my personal phone to access every professional platform necessary to do my job.

67 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I don’t call them exes, I call them whys.

78 shares on X this month:

The more I parent the more convinced I am that the ears on toddlers are purely for decoration.

14 shares on Telegram this month:

I went downstairs to get my charger. I came back up with a bowl of ice cream and no charger.

13 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m upset that my parents never got rich enough for me to become a socialist.

53 shares on Telegram this month:

Nothing says entitlement like a goose family crossing the road.

13 shares on WeChat this month:

Spiraling out of control if anyone wants anything.

38 shares on Twitch this month:

For my next trick, I’ll need a divorce lawyer.

60 shares on WeChat this month:

Having someone sing you to sleep is so comforting, until you realize you are the only one in the room.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

Self-discipline is tough because I’m the boss of me, and that guy runs a real loose ship.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

Any room can be an escape room when you have diarrhea.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

There should be a day between Sunday and Monday called Hang on a Second.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

Dear ghosts, if you can move stuff around and flicker lights, then you can use a mop.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

Thought getting captured by cannibals would be terrifying, but they’re actually feeding me really well.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

Cashews are my favorite because they’re salty and hunched over just like me.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

People just don’t build cities on rock and roll anymore.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

Just know that somebody out there is thinking of you, and you should really lock your doors.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

Someone taking your parking space at your own home is a different type of anger.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

Just broke a clothes hanger and now have seven years of bad outfits.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on X:

Life is short, unless you’re listening to a kid describing an episode of PAW Patrol.

Making waves on Facebook:

When your electric toothbrush dies, it becomes a regular toothbrush. Don’t freak out. Just calm down and remember your training.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I have a date and nothing to wear. Or as Nietzsche said: If you stare into a closet long enough, the closet stares back at you.

Trending via WeChat:

Runners who smoke need to pick a side.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Recovering people pleasers will be like, “I’m in my villain era!” and it’s just politely drawing healthy boundaries.

Spotted on Threads:

The problem with hiding snacks from my kid is that when I forget, they end up being hidden from me too.

Shared recently on Discord:

I’m actually breaking generational curses by surviving my 20s without marrying a man who hates me.

Live now on Threads:

That awkward moment when someone you hate is breathing.

Just landed via TikTok:

Sleep hits different when you’re not supposed to be sleeping.

Breaking via Reddit:

Once I started spending my own money, I realized my mom was right. We do have food at home.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Jesus turned water into wine. I turn food into fertilizer. We are not the same.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I love all the Winter Olympic events, sliding downhill on a piece of wood, sliding downhill on two pieces of wood, sliding downhill in a piece of wood. All amazing.

I’d trust a groundhog over a weatherman any day.

I’m sorry for the things I said when I was running late due to circumstances completely within my control.

Cigarette smell gotta be one of the worst smells in the history of smells.

I’m confused how a cemetery can raise its funeral prices and blame it on the cost of living.

Digging my own grave, because I gotta do everything around here.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨