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"Jesus turned water into wine 🍷, but I turn food into fertilizer 💩. Guess you could say I have a different kind of magic touch 😅🌱 #NotExactlyAMiracleWorker"

comparison, fertilizer, food, humor, i, Jesus, not the same, same, transformation, turn, water, wine

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The man who invented the Ferris wheel never met the man who invented the merry-go-round. They traveled in different circles.

1 month ago
amusement, amusement park, circle, different, ferris, Ferris wheel, humor, inventor, man, merry-go-round, met, never, park, wheel, wordplay
You can put refrigerator magnets on your car, too. There are no rules.

1 month ago
car, creativity, expression, fun, humor, magnets, put, refrigerator, rules
“Communism sounds good in theory, but doesn’t work in practice.” Capitalism doesn’t even sound good in theory.

1 month ago
capitalism, communism, even, good, humor, ideology, political, political ideology, practice, satire, sound, sounds, theory, work
Couldn’t afford a man cave. Had to settle for a gazebro.

1 month ago
afford, budget, cave, gazebro, home, humor, man, man cave, outdoor, outdoor space, relaxation, space
Another fine day ruined by responsibilities.

2 months ago
adulthood, complaint, day, fine, humor, irony, life, responsibility
Every day I tell myself, “You got this,” and every day, “this” gets weirder.

1 month ago
daily, daily routine, day, encouragement, every, got, humor, i, motivation, myself, routine, self-talk, tell, weirdness

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

People who sound like fonts: Ariana Grande. Roman Roy. Jim Courier. Lydia West. Bon Iver. Suella Braverman. Jesse Ventura.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

Can you imagine being a 7th grade girl and being able to see your crush’s bedroom during Zoom math class.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

My apologies to your congregation. I totally misunderstood when you asked for missionary volunteers.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

Fleetwood Mac said that I could go my own way, your honor.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

Hey babe, wanna come over and fold me like a fitted sheet?

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

I’m really into writing short fiction, mainly to-do lists.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

Hey, sorry I cant make it tonight. I am beset on all sides by foes.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WeChat:

You never realize how long a minute is until you’re exercising.

Shared recently on Facebook:

If they don’t look at you like you’re magic, disappear like Houdini.

Just landed via Reddit:

Marriages are like pancakes. Sometimes you gotta throw the first one out.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Sounds like you are suffering from a lack of vitamin Me.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I’m 6 donuts away from being the elephant in the room.

Shared recently on Discord:

Do you think they’re called cough drops because when you cough really hard they drop out of your mouth onto the floor?

Just shared via Reddit:

The IRS needs special envelopes for when you’re not in trouble.

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Jesus turned water into wine. I turn food into fertilizer. We are not the same.

The man who invented the Ferris wheel never met the man who invented the merry-go-round. They traveled in different circles.

You can put refrigerator magnets on your car, too. There are no rules.

“Communism sounds good in theory, but doesn’t work in practice.” Capitalism doesn’t even sound good in theory.

Couldn’t afford a man cave. Had to settle for a gazebro.

Another fine day ruined by responsibilities.

Every day I tell myself, “You got this,” and every day, “this” gets weirder.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

That moment when you clean the apartment and a year later everything is dirty again.

According to autocorrect, my favorite Star Wars character is Bob’s Feet.

I have nothing in common with people who “forget to eat”.

My favorite part of my workday is when I grab my shit and leave.

One minute you’re young and carefree. The next minute you can feel in your knee when it starts to rain.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

I’m just trying to have a nice time despite knowing facts and information.

Cynics are – beneath it all – only idealists with awkwardly high standards.

Do you mind if I wear my black T-shirt covered in pet hair to your fine dining establishment?

Chuck Norris got shot. The bullet is in critical condition.

I hate overhead lighting – trying to mimic the holy sun should be considered sinful. The lamp is much better, mimicking the hearths of our forebears.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Gonna end every insult with “but in a good way”.

Your first non-broke girlfriend will change your whole perspective about relationships.

You’re way hotter in your forties and fifties than in your twenties. The glow up is in the grow up.

If I win the lottery, no one around me will be broke, and I truly mean that. I will move to a wealthy neighborhood.

For my next trick, I’ll watch a two-hour movie in four.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

The worst part of my grandfather’s dementia was slowly watching him forget about Dre.

I just want a bar where I can pour my own drink, have music at a normal volume, and there are no people, and it’s my house.

Still can’t believe we have a federal holiday to celebrate the 1996 hit movie Independence Day.

I once broke up with a guy because he ate half my french fries, and when I get really lonely, I still think about those french fries.

I feel a deep connection to librarians because I also love telling people to shut up.

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Jesus turned water into wine. I turn food into fertilizer. We are not the same.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

The man who invented the Ferris wheel never met the man who invented the merry-go-round. They traveled in different circles.

You can put refrigerator magnets on your car, too. There are no rules.

“Communism sounds good in theory, but doesn’t work in practice.” Capitalism doesn’t even sound good in theory.

Couldn’t afford a man cave. Had to settle for a gazebro.

Another fine day ruined by responsibilities.

Every day I tell myself, “You got this,” and every day, “this” gets weirder.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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