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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡¨ has viewed:

Fifty shades of I miss you.

Someone from πŸ‡ΆπŸ‡¦ has viewed:

Getting up early would be easier if we could keep our eyes closed.

Someone from πŸ‡―πŸ‡΅ has bookmarked:

No plans and no pants kind of day.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡© has downloaded:

Returned my 3D printer, but not before making a 3D printer with it.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§ has bookmarked:

Nasa is launching a satellite to say sorry to the aliens. They’re calling it the Apollo G.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡¦ has downloaded:

Lifting my wife’s wedding veil and finding out she’s Darth Maul.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡­ has downloaded:

The adult version of β€œhead, shoulders, knees and toes” is β€œwallet, glasses, keys and phone.”

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡§ has viewed:

I love being home and doing absolutely nothing and never contributing to society.

Someone from πŸ‡·πŸ‡΄ has bookmarked:

I’m writing a parenting book called ‘Kids won’t listen until you scream like your mother did’.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§ has copied:

Mondays have a black belt in psychological warfare.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,567

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Making waves on Threads:

No revenge, because losing someone like me is enough.

Trending via YouTube:

I realized Americans were dramatics the day I found out 200 lb is just 90 kg.

Trending via X:

Laying next to my charger waiting for my phone to die, that’s how lazy I am.

Going bananas on WeChat:

People on diet aren’t mad at you. They’re mad at their lunch.

Trending via Telegram:

Cats have 32 muscles in each ear, to help them ignore you.

Spotted on Messenger:

Dating apps never work for me because I need at least two years of friendship charged with weird sexual tension to even consider falling in love.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Watched Titanic for the 14th time. Still sobbing. Still yelling, β€œSCOOT OVER, COW!” like it’ll change the ending.

Just landed via Messenger:

wearing no bra and oversized clothes is self-care at its finest

Just landed via Facebook:

The sexual tension between me and disappearing without an explanation.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Sledding is the best! (until you have to walk back up the hill)

Jewelry stores should just be like: Whether you’re trying to be nice or trying to get laid, we got you covered.

0
Jewelry stores should just be like: Whether you’re trying to be nice or trying to get laid, we got you covered.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Jewelry stores: Where you can conveniently express both your good intentions and your…not-so-subtle intentions πŸ˜πŸ’Ž #CoveringAllBases"

Fun Fact or Trivia:
Did you know that diamonds are not only a girl's best friend but also a symbol of love and commitment? πŸ’βœ¨ In ancient India, diamonds were believed to possess mystical powers and were used in battle to protect warriors! βš”οΈπŸ’Ž Whether for romance or friendship, these sparkling gems have always had a special place in hearts and history! β€οΈπŸ’–

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Welcome to Wordgag! πŸ˜‰βœŒοΈ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. πŸ˜‚πŸ’₯

πŸŽ‰πŸ₯‚ New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

14 shares on Instagram this month:

“This isn’t going to end well for you.” Me, alone in the house, to the cake on the counter.

96 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The only guarantee in life is, if you run errands looking like shit, you will run into everyone you haven’t seen in months.

75 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I think that police officers on foot should wear blue flashing sneakers.

18 shares on Twitch this month:

I see stand-up comedy as a stepping stone to television. A few more paid gigs and I’ll be able to afford a television.

62 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m at the age where I consider any picture of me taken in the last ten years β€œcurrent.”

63 shares on Twitch this month:

The fastest mammal on earth is the smartass on the web.

56 shares on Messenger this month:

Forget about β€œlong story short”… I’m gonna start saying β€œshort story long,” and take you on a journey you didn’t ask for.

92 shares on Pinterest this month:

Even my imaginary friend got bored and left me a note saying β€˜we should see other people’

11 shares on Snapchat this month:

Nobody cleans better than somebody that’s pissed off.

99 shares on Discord this month:

This year is starting to feel like it needs to be left outside until we see if it can act right.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

11 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I have now learned the moonwalk. It’s visually the coolest way to get fresh dog poop off the soles of your shoes.

24 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Broke my work phone. I can’t talk on it anymore. I should have done this a long time ago.

25 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Anybody else not stopped farting this evening? Asking for a friend.

17 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Pretty cool that we all come together on Christmas and celebrate the birth of Santa.

15 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Tattoo idea for men: spider webs in the corners of the receding hairline.

17 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

My cat’s in a bad mood, despite eating and sleeping all day.

5 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

A dating app to meet other people with low IQ called OK Stupid.

20 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Christmas lights: the only thing bright around here besides my personality.

9 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Wiping my hands on my pants before I’m shaking someone’s hand, so they spend the rest of the day wondering what I just touched.

25 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Grammar is the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,539

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡± has copied:

Just saw two identical twins out in public together. No disrespect to that lifestyle but please keep it private.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡³ has bookmarked:

It’s funny how quickly you become difficult if you don’t always just say “yes”.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡¦ has shared:

I need to figure out what I’m going to wear to the couch on New Year’s Eve.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡Ά has shared:

One sec, lemme just find the off switch for my brain.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡Ή has copied:

Accidentally punched myself in the face as I was getting dressed this morning, and I have to say, I deserved it.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡¬ has shared:

I don’t like talking to people with an IQ lower than the room temperature.

Someone from πŸ‡·πŸ‡Ί has bookmarked:

Hey, wanna intertwine delusions and make them a reality or nah?

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡© has shared:

The lion can’t keep living like this.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡· has shared:

I am MTV, still played music videos, years old.

Someone from πŸ‡ΏπŸ‡Ό has copied:

Are you a software update, because not now!

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Girls are perverts when they like you.

Going viral on Reddit:

Called in, “Let’s make this simple. What excuse haven’t I used yet?”

Just landed via Slack:

Terrifying if true: Her eyes lighting up a room.

Just shared via Reddit:

Technically I’m still young, but according to my back pain I’m actually 69.

Just shared via Instagram:

Sorry, I’m poor, I can’t afford to pay attention.

Trending via YouTube:

I miss them days if you couldn’t rap, you didn’t.

Just landed via WeChat:

I like my messages, how I like my nuts – MIXED.

Breaking via Twitch:

β€œYou’re so funny!” Thanks, I didn’t get laid in high school.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

My issue with Jeopardy is that you never get the sense that the contestants are in any real danger.

Trending via Slack:

I can’t wait for my mom to come to my new house so she can tell me how I organized the kitchen wrong.

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