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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

I woke up from a deep sleep in a panic thinking I was late for work. Thankfully, I was already there.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

If someone wants to spend time with you, they’ll let you know. Get rid of those people.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

The list of women who haven’t slept with me is really impressive.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

There’s really nothing as pathetic as watching a sad little man argue with Grok in hopes of manipulating the conversation to get an answer he wants.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

Idiocracy wasn’t supposed to be a documentary.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

Sometimes I wish I had a speed bump between my brain and my mouth.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

Aliens, robots, mutant ladybugs — whoever takes over will be better than this.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

Ever since I was little, I always knew I wanted to retire.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

I think I’ma end the year with a plot twist, everyone hold on tight.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

The problem with expensive things is that you tend to want them.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,722

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on WeChat:

I’m so cold, I wish I could get in the dryer.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Dude, we’re biting off more than we can chew tonight if you want to pull up.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Just told my kids it’s illegal to have the light on while we’re driving. I will not break this cycle.

Just landed via Telegram:

Everybody is fighting a battle that you don’t know about, because of the first rule of Fight Club.

Spotted on Telegram:

“But it’s summer,” is going to be my excuse for everything from now until the end of September.

Going viral on Reddit:

There are only two kinds of people, and I avoid them both.

Just shared via TikTok:

I drive safer when there’s food in my passenger’s seat than when there’s a person sitting there.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

For your own sanity, always take mixed signals as a no.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I’ve calculated my December budget and realized I can only afford to pray.

Seen just now on Slack:

Good morning to everyone who still believes what they see with their own two eyes.

Just because I’m awake doesn’t mean I’m ready to do things.

Humorous quote about morning laziness and reluctance to start the day.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Me, every morning: Just because I'm awake doesn't mean I'm ready to do things…or talk to people…or adult in any way, shape, or form. 😴☕️ #NotAMorningPerson"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

82 shares on Snapchat this month:

My favorite kind of gender reveal is the one where the parents find out, and they just tell everyone through text instead of making me go to a party.

89 shares on Instagram this month:

What age do you learn to cook pasta for one and not for a whole village? Asking for a friend.

48 shares on WeChat this month:

They say “Time heals.” No, it doesn’t. I’m still mad.

36 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If she reads Bukowski, she’s not looking for love. She’s looking for someone who will ruin her creatively.

91 shares on YouTube this month:

I like to listen to the national anthems during the award ceremonies. I’m into country music.

98 shares on Pinterest this month:

Plot Twist: Your taxes cheated on you.

64 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I can’t believe bedtime used to be a punishment.

29 shares on Reddit this month:

What bootlickers fail to understand is that the boot eventually comes for them too.

47 shares on TikTok this month:

I can relate to America, because I too am about to enter a depression.

30 shares on X this month:

Being an iPad baby must be so exciting. Imagine going from nine dull months in the womb to playing Candy Crush.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m going back to the 90s, if anyone wants to come.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Slipping into something more comfortable, another dimension.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Before sleeping, most people will imagine stuff they want to happen. Like sleeping.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Remember when we used to jump out of the swings? Those knees were fresh, fresh out the box.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

SHEIN does entirely too much on their app. Feels like a freaking casino every time you open it.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Why does Bruce Wayne, the billionaire, not simply rig Gotham City’s elections in favor of tough-on-crime candidates?

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m having an orange, and the dogs keep looking at me like, “stop eating that ball, dude.”

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Terrifying if taken literally—if these walls could talk.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

“Date” is just another word for: Jeez, had I known that before, I would have stayed home.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Frankly, I have too many situations and not enough monitors.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,263

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but throw away your disgusting dish sponge.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

Men invented arm wrestling so they could hold hands and look into each other’s eyes.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

Just saw my evil doppelganger speed away in a DeLorean. I’m sure it’s fine.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

Hobbies include fake smiling while waiting for people to stop talking.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

Sorry for not keeping in touch. I literally have nothing to say.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

I could win awards for having a bad memory. In fact, I probably did. How would I know.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

Microplastics are a waste of time. I go straight to eating whole packaging.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

I told my GPS I needed direction in life, and now it insists on recalculating every hour.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

For my birthday, I want everyone to tell me how much they love me and why in immense detail.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

Tonight we shall read a passage from the old testicle.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Threads:

Eating spaghetti to forgetti my regretti.

Just landed via Reddit:

I broke up with the gym. We were just not working out.

Making waves on Telegram:

Have you ever accidentally opened your front-facing camera, and it ruined your day a little?

Freshly posted on Discord:

Lies I tell myself: Just one more cookie. Just one more movie. Just one more minute.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Hello, my voicemail is currently unavailable. To leave a message please speak slowly and clearly into the nearest toaster.

Making waves on Telegram:

I need to have a ginger ale about this.

Going bananas on YouTube:

I want the dreams to chase me for once.

Going viral on Telegram:

For Valentine’s Day, I’m gift-wrapping a shirt my husband hasn’t worn in years. It’s the thought that counts—and technically, I thought of it twice.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

When I hear the word “horror”, the first thing I think of is bills, not Halloween.

Trending via YouTube:

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I’d like to see AI get absolutely no work done and then throw their coworker under the bus as soon as their boss asks about it.

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