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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

Waitress: “Do you have any questions about the menu?” Me: “What kind of font is this?

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

Welcome to your 40’s: you’re not hungover, it’s just Tuesday.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

I want the job where I push scared skydivers out of planes.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

Went to the hairdresser today and now I look much younger. I’m thinking about going back tomorrow.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

You befriend a guy and a few days later he’s like “I wanna talk to you about something”. Please, God, let it be about the economy.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

I can’t watch Sex and the City anymore, because I get really upset at how much money these ladies have.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

Turns out the honeymoon phase lasts forever when you pick the right partner.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

Handing the bus driver a $50 bill and telling him “Just drive”.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

I already want to take a nap tomorrow.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

Break-up so bad, he blocked me on Pokémon Go.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2447 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,609

Funny Quotes Topics

15,283

Funny Quotes Images

12,609

Updated

12 minutes ago

Users Online

3,460

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Slack:

I ordered one of those Tempura mattresses. Way too crunchy.

Shared recently on Threads:

You can really tell somebody’s mental state by they hair.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I get it, drug commercials. I too like to dance while I describe all my side effects.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I hate being responsible for my own meals because I’ll either spoil myself or starve for most of the day.

Just landed via Telegram:

Before Facebook, we would hold people hostage inside our homes by showing them photo albums of our vacation.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Naming my first daughter Piggleigh Wiggleigh.

Reported on Telegram:

Forget tagging friends, I want to be able to tag my enemies.

Just landed via Twitch:

Airplanes are so weird because how does a giant metal box stay in the air like that, and why am I craving tomato juice?

Spotted on Instagram:

Breaking news is really breaking me.

Spotted on Telegram:

Doing all of this just to die in the end! LMAO!

Just because I’m awake doesn’t mean I’m ready to do things.

Just because I’m awake doesn’t mean I’m ready to do things.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Me, every morning: Just because I'm awake doesn't mean I'm ready to do things…or talk to people…or adult in any way, shape, or form. 😴☕️ #NotAMorningPerson"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2447 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,609

Funny Quotes Topics

15,283

Funny Quotes Images

12,609

Updated

12 minutes ago

Users Online

3,465

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

If you’re worried that you added too much cheese to the recipe, I am here to reassure you that you did not.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

Thinking about quitting my job to focus on my girlfriend.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

I don’t understand why “family-run” should be a sign of quality. North Korea, for example, is also family-run and doesn’t convince me at all.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

Everyone talks about climate change, but no one has the courage to sacrifice a virgin to appease the gods.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

Be careful when you follow the masses sometimes the M is silent.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

My body snaps, crackles, and pops louder than my cereal.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

If you’re not happy single you won’t be happy married. Happiness comes from eating food, not from relationships.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

The delivery guy absolutely hates it when I call him my pizza mule.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

Women love it when you approach them on the street and say “whoa, is there a hot babe convention in town?”

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

Cleaned the bathroom window. Wasn’t frosted glass at all.

Social Media Log 💫

Reported on Threads:

A little sign under the doorbell that says, “think twice, adventurer.”

Going viral on Twitch:

One year closer to whatever age my obituary will say.

Seen just now on X:

I grew up in a poor family. We didn’t have much, but we had each other. And that was the worst part.

Going viral on YouTube:

I once broke up with a guy because he ate half my french fries, and when I get really lonely, I still think about those french fries.

Seen just now on Discord:

People need to understand the difference between want and need. Like, I want abs, but I need chocolate.

Making waves on Slack:

Netflix be like “we know exactly what movie you talkin’ ’bout but we ain’t got it lol”.

Just landed via Slack:

The lack of a pope has got me acting wild.

Shared recently on Slack:

Everybody’s back hurts until it’s time to have sexy time.

Just landed via Pinterest:

When I tell you “I’m open to feedback” I’m telling you to be nice to me or I’ll resort to violence.

Just shared via Telegram:

If you stand too close to me in the check out line, you may as well pay for my stuff while you’re breathing down my neck.

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