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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

As a sales clerk, you want to shout after some people as they leave the store: “Are you sure you’ve really REALLY touched everything?”

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

Let’s build a fort with blankets and pillows, and just stay in it all day.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

I’m not enjoying this slow-burn apocalypse. I need it over and done like a popular Netflix show.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

I be like, “Who’s praying on my downfall?” as if I don’t make self-destructive life decisions.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

I will marry a tall, masculine, lovey-dovey man who can’t breathe when I ignore his existence.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

In my defense, they burned my grilled cheese sandwich.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

It’s so hot to me when a man has a poorly run Instagram account.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

My husband saw a rabbit in our yard eating grass and said “That would be like sitting in a field of french fries.”

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

Shout out to people jogging in this heat, no, seriously, shout out to make sure they’re okay.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

The night before a day off is more satisfying than the actual day off.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

233 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,502

Funny Quotes Topics

17,569

Funny Quotes Images

15,502

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,640

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Twitch:

Am I finishing my education or is my education finishing me?

Just shared via Slack:

At the beginning of a relationship, people call their partner’s odd behavior “cute little quirks”. Some years later, the police call it “motive”.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

That second wave of sleep after waking up too early.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Social anxiety so bad I wonder if I’m welcome at places I was invited to.

Trending via YouTube:

Damn, all this overthinking and I still be making dumb decisions.

Making waves on Telegram:

If you respond to emails and Teams messages quickly, you can get away with basically anything at work.

Just shared via Facebook:

Some people call me crazy. I prefer the term happy with a twist.

Trending via WhatsApp:

If I’m ever the problem, you’re the reason.

Breaking via TikTok:

According to the amount of bacon I just cooked, I’m 4 people.

Just because I’m awake doesn’t mean I’m ready to do things.

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Just because I’m awake doesn’t mean I’m ready to do things.
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Commentary:
"Me, every morning: Just because I'm awake doesn't mean I'm ready to do things…or talk to people…or adult in any way, shape, or form. 😴☕️ #NotAMorningPerson"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

40 shares on Instagram this month:

Hey girl, are you a cigarette? Because I like cigarettes.

31 shares on WeChat this month:

People who can’t tell the difference between whole numbers and decimals are missing the point.

82 shares on Pinterest this month:

It’s hard to sleep knowing that cake is in the fridge.

39 shares on Threads this month:

My husband needs a hearing aid, but refuses to get one because it’s the key to our happy marriage.

26 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I like that blood pressure kits come with a free, handy zip-up bag that your stuff will never fit in again once you take it out.

40 shares on Telegram this month:

I thrive in a waiting room. You need me to sit in a chair and look at my phone? No worries, love, I do this at home.

87 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Podcasts are like babies, they’re too easy to create and not everyone should have one.

89 shares on Snapchat this month:

In my culture, family is completely unimportant. And we hate food.

13 shares on Facebook this month:

Men look so amazing for people who use the same product for their teeth, hair, floor and car washing.

35 shares on Slack this month:

Remember: The first step to recovery is addiction.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t care for small talk. I prefer awkward silence.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

My body is a machine that turns pizza into diarrhea.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

If Keith Richards survived the ’70s, the ’80s, and 1.2 million Marlboros, I can probably survive anything.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

My son was praying for “everybody in the world.” If you suddenly start experiencing good fortune, you’re welcome.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

My husband clearly believes that chairs just magically push themselves back in.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Women only want one thing, and it’s the power to cast men who tell us to smile right into a pit of giant venomous serpents.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

This weekend was so busy, I hardly had time to sit around in my pajamas and doom scroll.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Preparing for my beach vacation by watching Jaws.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Washing your face is actually multitasking because you are also washing your hands and forearms and shirt and countertop and feet and floor and hair.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I was going to learn to play the violin, but it was too much of a commitment. I wanted something with no strings attached.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

233 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,502

Funny Quotes Topics

17,569

Funny Quotes Images

15,502

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,495

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

No one ever talks about the 6th love language (being annoying).

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

What’s a good career for people with no motivation or talent?

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

Having a crush should be considered a form of self-harm.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

Living your life to the fullest does not have to involve selfies with bison.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

The worst thing I’ve seen as a paramedic is my paycheck.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

I wish there were an option to turn off the Wi-Fi connection for WhatsApp only.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

I’m not like other teenagers, I’m 51.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

Humans can accomplish so much, unless it’s parking at a shopping center during the holidays.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

I think God’s next test for me should be, “Can he handle a ridiculous amount of money.”

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

So, you’re telling me I’m just supposed to get up every day and keep living like this? Seems like a scam to me.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Instagram:

Startup idea: Instagram, but it only shows you posts from people you follow, and they’re in chronological order.

Seen just now on Facebook:

What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger, but also a little grumpy.

Making waves on Telegram:

Sex is fine, but have you ever completed every single thing on your to-do list?

Going viral on Pinterest:

Right before rock bottom, you’ll have a city builder game on your phone.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I got a bumper sticker that says, “Honk if you think I’m pretty.” Sometimes I just sit at green lights until I feel better about myself.

Making waves on Slack:

The theory that two stacked beds can’t be converted into two regular beds has been debunked.

Going viral on YouTube:

Every person you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Make it worse by asking if they’re drinking enough water.

Live now on X:

An interviewer asked me how well I can perform under pressure; I said I’m much better at Bohemian Rhapsody.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Cover letters are so embarrassing. Why am I writing a love letter to this shitty company?

Making waves on Twitch:

I’m sorry if I seem weird, it’s because I am.

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