Just because I’m friendly doesn’t mean I like you. It just means that I’m not rude.

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I don’t understand construction. Like, how do they know what to do next?

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All income is disposable if you’re brave enough.

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The difference between a biography and an autobiography is self-explanatory.

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You ever wake up in the morning and your first thought is ‘I can’t wait to go to bed tonight’?

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Being loved right feels like telepathy and a little bit of witchcraft.

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I know life can be tough, but you still gotta wear deodorant.

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Caveman bartender: “This one’s on the cave.”

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If the Christians published the Kama Sutra, it would have been one page long.

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My husband said I use a lot of makeup, so I showed him some makeup tutorials on TikTok and I don’t think he’ll be making that mistake again.

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The world would be a better place if mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood.