Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

Instead of those cute mini pizzas, they should invent gigantic ones that take four people to carry.

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I’ve never really had a beach body, but my snowman body is coming along quite nicely.

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The purpose of a meme is to disturb the humorless, and to humor the disturbed.

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Don’t ever let a recipe tell you how much cheese you need to add, everyone knows cheese is measured with the heart.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

A big part of my wife’s cardio routine is rolling away from me in bed.

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Parent hack: Shut your child’s bedroom door to make your house cleaner.

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When a woman texts you three questions, you should only answer one. She will love that.

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I wish I was mysterious, but unfortunately I just can’t keep my mouth shut.

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I lied, there’s no sex. Stand over there and tell me if this painting I’m hanging is straight.

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I’m heading to the beach without a beach body.