Just once I’d like to buy a house plant that didn’t have the lifespan of a soap bubble.

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I’m very loyal to whatever brand is on sale.

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If there’s no open mouth cougher on the plane they hold the flight until they can find one.

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Roses are red. Blue got me thinking. I reckon it’s time for some excessive day drinking…

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It’s not too early to go to sleep. Too early only applies to waking up.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

I prayed and accidentally mixed up God and Lord and said Gord. So embarrassing.

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If you’re the type of person who likes to be left alone, I’m with you. Better yet, I’m not with you.

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You don’t scare me, I was married once.

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The existence of raw sexuality implies the existence of medium sexuality, but also well-done sexuality.

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How many times does one have to open the fridge door before cake appears inside?

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If the first thing you do in the morning is checking your emails, you’re starting your day with other people’s problems.