Trendy Funny Quotes

  • Keep your friend’s toast and your enemy’s toaster.
  • I can now tell the hour of the day by which part of my body needs a heating pad.
  • Two mysterious people live in my house. “Somebody” and “Nobody.” Somebody did it and nobody knows who.
  • Dear food, either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat.
  • Becoming a dad turned me into an environmentalist. All I do now is turn off lights and yell at people who waste energy.
  • I hope the aliens aren’t good at basketball. My chances of making it into the NBA are already slim.