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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

Opposites often not only attract each other, they often also undress each other.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

Too young to retire, too poor to quit and too fat to strip – so let’s move on.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

It’s a shame that the know-it-alls know everything better but don’t do anything better.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

Changing my relationship status from “Single” to “I give up.”

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

Life is just resetting your password until you die.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

According to “The Hobbit”, Gollum was once a handsome young man who was robbed of his youth, zest for life and energy by putting on a ring. Men, think about it!

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

Banana boats are powered by bananas. Everyone knows this.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

If you were a dinosaur, you’d be a Gorgeousaurus.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

In my 20’s: I want to find true love. In my 40’s: I just want a toaster that gets me.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

Marriage is 33.3% hiding to eat snacks because you and your spouse are supposed to be on a diet.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2316 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,478

Funny Quotes Topics

15,183

Funny Quotes Images

12,478

Updated

16 minutes ago

Users Online

3,443

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

If someone steals your joke, you have to file a LOLsuit.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Note to self: Very important! First hang up, then insult.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Is it okay for me to start drinking as soon as the kids are at school, or am I just a terrible teacher?

Making waves on Threads:

Depression is embarrassing because sometimes it makes you miss appointments and not return phone calls, and when the fog starts to lift, you gotta do a whole bloody apology tour.

Breaking via Slack:

My dog is quite vain. Whenever the doorbell rings, he thinks it’s for him.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Good morning to everyone except people who sit right next to you when there’s a whole room full of empty seats.

Going viral on YouTube:

The billionaires have decided that the people with nothing have too much.

Going viral on X:

The husband, child, and dog are all snoring. WTF is this?

Freshly posted on Telegram:

What many call beauty can just be wiped off 90% of the time.

Live now on X:

I’ve arrived like the sun: blinding, necessary, and impossible to ignore.

Kinda sucks that I actually own a skeleton but don’t get to show anyone until I die.

Kinda sucks that I actually own a skeleton but don’t get to show anyone until I die.
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Commentary:
🦴💀 Well, having a skeleton in your closet takes on a whole new meaning with this quote! Who knew an actual skeleton could end up being the ultimate conversation starter… posthumously. Maybe it can be your unique way of leaving a lasting impression on future archaeologists! 💁‍♂️ #SkeletonInTheCloset #GraveyardHumor

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2316 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,478

Funny Quotes Topics

15,183

Funny Quotes Images

12,478

Updated

16 minutes ago

Users Online

3,461

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

I find it sad that my universal remote does not control the universe. Not even remotely.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

Finally gathered all my thoughts and now they’re jumping me.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

So grateful for pillows. My head works hard, it deserves its own bed.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

If you have an opinion about my life, please raise your hand. Now put it over your mouth.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

Why can’t my career pursue me instead?

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

The gossip in my town is faster than the Wi-Fi.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

I did 30 minutes of chores, time for a 7-hour break.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

Call me dramatic, but I think I deserve a love confession in the rain.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

Always remember, if you ever need me, I’m just several phone calls and unread texts away.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

I told my wife to embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Thank you for being friends with me. Baffling decision, but thank you.

Broadcasted on X:

Gnocchi: The small, chubby children of spaghetti and potatoes.

Making waves on TikTok:

Life is short. Make sure you spend as much time as possible on the web arguing with strangers.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

You can fake a smile, but you can’t fake jazz hands.

Just landed via Twitch:

I want to learn scuba diving but I’m terrified of the orchestral music in underwater documentaries.

Spotted on Threads:

My kidnappers sent me back early with a full apology, some money, and several of their fingers.

Just landed via Telegram:

Me: what can possibly go wrong though. Anxiety: I’m glad you asked.

Trending via Messenger:

Sometimes, when I need a really good night’s sleep, I call my burrito guy to come over and tuck me in.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Be the reason why your local woods are haunted.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I have now spread out a blue tarpaulin in the garden. I want it to look like I have a pool on Google Maps.

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