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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Metallica’s “Nothing Else Matters” is my favorite song about that 5 minutes of sleep before the alarm goes off.

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2 months ago

alarm, before, else, favorite, humor, matters, Metallica, minutes, music, nothing, procrastination, sleep, song
The only fantasy I have in the bedroom these days is getting 8 hours of sleep.

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2 months ago

adulting, bedroom, days, fantasy, getting, hours, humor, i, relatable, sleep
Before we all die from nuclear war or a global climate crisis, can we get a little alien invasion as a treat.

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2 months ago

alien, alien invasion, apocalypse, before, climate, crisis, die, disaster, end, end of world, extraterrestrial, global, global climate crisis, humor, invasion, irony, little, nuclear, nuclear war, sci-fi, survival, treat, war, world
Yeah, I’ll get up soon, I just need to look at the internet first. Yes, the whole thing.

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2 months ago

delay, distraction, humor, i, internet, just, laziness, need, procrastination, thing, whole, yes
What do you call it when everything pisses you off but you’re good at not murdering people?

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2 months ago

anger, call, coping, dark, dark humor, emotions, everything, frustration, good, humor, jokes, patience, people, sarcasm, self-control
My dog sets an impossible bar for how I should greet my wife when she comes home.

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2 months ago

bar, dog, expectations, greet, home, humor, i, impossible, should, wife

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

82 shares on WeChat this month:

Why don’t straight men and lesbians hang out like straight women and gays do?

100 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The only thing I don’t miss about the 90s is people smelling like cigarettes.

53 shares on YouTube this month:

Spiraling out of control if anyone wants anything.

74 shares on Instagram this month:

Screen time on your computer feels like healthy screen time, screen time on your phone feels like evil screen time.

97 shares on WeChat this month:

Customers will say shit like, “Uhh, it’s asking me to remove my card?”

85 shares on Messenger this month:

Welcome to your fifties. Saturday Night Fever now means lots of rest, cold medicine, and chicken noodle soup.

97 shares on Telegram this month:

When society eventually breaks down and we are left to rebuild civilization, I hope there are people who still know how to make cheese.

74 shares on Slack this month:

I’ll see you in court (at the marriage registry) (I love you)

16 shares on YouTube this month:

The first person to throw out bath water: Uh oh.

10 shares on YouTube this month:

August is technically summer, but spiritually fall.

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Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

I’m like a candle: I’m cute, I smell nice, and there’s a pretty good chance I’ll set your curtains on fire if left unattended.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

You will give your period 50 acres of prime pad, and it will still choose to encroach on your underwear.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

Life hack: put on an apron at home and people think you’re super busy doing important stuff even when you’re not.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

I can’t watch Sex and the City anymore, because I get really upset at how much money these ladies have.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

Update on my fitness journey: My wife just handed me a bag of apples at the market and said, “careful, it’s heavy.”

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

When physical labor became optional, we invented the gym. We’ll need the same thing for the mind.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

Whoever said “team work makes the dream work” needs to explain that to my many personalities.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

No HR complaint formed against me shall prosper.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

It’s been too long since I partook in shenanigans.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Pinterest:

I suck at flirting. I’ll be like “is that so?”

Going viral on Telegram:

When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets, because stressed spelled backwards is desserts.

Shared recently on Instagram:

It’s a shame that the know-it-alls know everything better but don’t do anything better.

Making waves on Discord:

I let my cat smell every wine I drink so she can get a job as a sommelier and help pay my rent.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Clicked on ‘Make a reservation’ on a restaurant’s page, and it opened FaceTime and started calling them. I cannot stress enough how much I do not want that to happen.

Shared recently on Telegram:

My DNA came back saying I come from a wide selection of cheeses.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Adulting means growing hair in places you’re not supposed to and losing hair in places you don’t want to.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I love rap beefs, it’s so romantic when two guys sing songs to each other.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Odd people reviewing a dessert: It’s not too sweet which is what I like.

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Activity Log ✨

Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Metallica’s “Nothing Else Matters” is my favorite song about that 5 minutes of sleep before the alarm goes off.

The only fantasy I have in the bedroom these days is getting 8 hours of sleep.

Before we all die from nuclear war or a global climate crisis, can we get a little alien invasion as a treat.

Yeah, I’ll get up soon, I just need to look at the internet first. Yes, the whole thing.

What do you call it when everything pisses you off but you’re good at not murdering people?

My dog sets an impossible bar for how I should greet my wife when she comes home.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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