Light is faster than sound. That’s why people seem so bright until you hear them talk.

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They say dress for the job you want, but this baby diaper isn’t very comfortable.

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The first person to see a peacock spread his tail probably had a heart attack.

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You give a man your heart and he’s gonna put it under another girl’s picture.

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Don’t worry, darling, you won’t break me. Someone already beat you to it.

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Did you know on the Canary Islands there is not one canary? And on the Virgin Isles? Same thing – not one canary there either!

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Once you realize I’m an idiot, my posts start to make a lot more sense.

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Just saw someone my age running and she wasn’t chasing an ice-cream truck.