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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

I’ve decided to cut my carbs… into smaller pieces before eating them.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

Does anyone know if it’s possible to buy the transcripts of audiobooks? Thanks!

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

In Russia, the cold complains about you.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

Oxygen was discovered in 1773. How did our ancestors breathe before then?

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

I will die on this hill or any hill really. I have no hill preference.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

Should I ever be mean and insulting, then it comes from the bottom of my heart.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

Money enters like Beyoncé and exits like Britney.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

I don’t wanna brag, but I’ve been told I’m micro-management material.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

Age regressing by coughing like a toddler, with my tongue out.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

Ho, ho, holy shit is Christmas stressful.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2268 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,430

Funny Quotes Topics

15,132

Funny Quotes Images

12,430

Updated

57 minutes ago

Users Online

3,452

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Threads:

Ask your girlfriend for her ring size and then give her a personalized bowling ball.

Spotted on Discord:

Mashed potatoes are just German guacamole.

Just shared via Messenger:

Welcome to your 40s: here’s ten pounds.

Making waves on Telegram:

Cashews are my favorite because they’re salty and hunched over just like me.

Just landed via Twitch:

It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.

Just landed via YouTube:

If you’re soft, don’t come to my house, cause my kids will roast you.

Seen just now on Reddit:

The only way three people can keep a secret is if two of them are dead.

Spotted on Twitch:

Can’t, I’m pulling it together.

Freshly posted on X:

My neighbors were yelling so loud at their kids to clean up their room that out of fear even I started cleaning my room.

Live now on Slack:

Reverse cowgirl so he doesn’t see the double chin.

Looking for someone who loves me as much as some people love standing up the second a plane lands.

Looking for someone who loves me as much as some people love standing up the second a plane lands.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Still searching for that special someone who will show me the same level of dedication as those eager passengers who pop out of their seats the MOMENT the plane touches down. 🛬✈️ #RelationshipGoals #PatienceIsAVirtue"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2268 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,430

Funny Quotes Topics

15,132

Funny Quotes Images

12,430

Updated

57 minutes ago

Users Online

3,448

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

I eat my first meal of the day in the afternoon, bro. Don’t ask me for advice.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

Driving between speed cameras is called intermittent fasting.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

I stopped writing “Feel free to reach out if you need anything else” at the end of my emails because please don’t do that.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

Perhaps the most universal American experience is your mom being like, “Wasn’t he such a good dentist? He’s in prison now.”

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

I want my name to come up when you go to confession.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

I concern myself with the opinions of sheep because they are cute.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

The most valuable breed of cow are the Cash.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

Attempted to exercise this morning. Didn’t work out.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

If you can’t laugh at yourself, I will.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

Sorry, can’t go out tonight. My bed told me it needs me, and I can’t let it down.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Sometimes I just stand in the sun and stare at nothing, like a dog.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Be the reason why your local woods are haunted.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

When I’m done eating… I have to show my hands to my cat, like I’m a blackjack dealer.

Just shared via TikTok:

Some of you are still single because, when someone sends you romantic words, you reply with “hahaha.”

Seen just now on YouTube:

Japan’s greatest tragedy is having the world’s best toilets and no Mexican food. What’s the point of owning a Ferrari if you never take it to the track?

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

While you were rotting and wasting your life away, I was doing the exact same thing.

Live now on WeChat:

I’m gonna start telling men I know a spot and it’s just me dropping them off at therapy.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

God: “I’m all-knowing but I’d rather be all-forgetting.”

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Super excited about a brand new day of ignoring my problems.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Elections is like waiting for the results of a biopsy, except half your family hopes it’s cancer.

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