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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

If it ain’t broke, my kids haven’t used it yet.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

The echo in my house when it’s clean is unsettling. Better order more stuff.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

Netflix needs to stop asking if I’m still watching and start asking if I moved the laundry to the dryer yet.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

The bad news is there was a lot of turbulence on my flight this morning. The good news is my phone counted it as steps.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

Thinking about ignoring daily mess by creating new holiday decor mess.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

Don’t wait for later to eat the cake. Do it now, before another mammal of your household finds it.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

“We’re the only species that drinks milk after infancy, dairy is bad for you!” We’re also the only species that drinks peach mango pineapple spirulina kale smoothies, Karen. Let me eat my cheese in peace.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

I just be minding my business, and next thing you know, a payment is due.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

The great thing about having pet insurance is that while our dachshund is at the vets, they’ve given us a courtesy poodle to hang out with.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

They should invent a food that sounds good for dinner tonight.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

216 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,485

Funny Quotes Topics

17,557

Funny Quotes Images

15,485

Jan 5, 2026

3,388

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Telegram:

Might mess around and reply to all work emails with “make me”.

Just landed via Facebook:

Went out of town, came back and the roomba changed all the locks.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Picking up a hitchhiker is not worth the risk of being forced to make small talk with a stranger.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

The art of today’s art is to persuade people that it’s art.

Spotted on WeChat:

I hate it when I gain 20 pounds for a role and then realize I’m not an actor.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Sleep when the baby sleeps, eat when the baby eats, work when the baby works.

Shared recently on YouTube:

The worst thing you can do while cleaning is sit down for a minute.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Having no one to talk would get you a good sleeping schedule.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Not looking for a sugar daddy, but something more of a pay pal.

Making waves on Slack:

I want a girlfriend so she can make me do shit like pottery, and I act like I don’t want to go.

Most meetings end with the conclusion that everything needs to be discussed in another meeting.

2 months ago

0

Most meetings end with the conclusion that everything needs to be discussed in another meeting.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, yes, the classic meeting merry-go-round! 🔄🤔 It's like a never-ending cycle of let's-discuss-what-we're-going-to-discuss-next-time 😂 Maybe we should schedule a meeting to strategize how to end meetings efficiently! 🤷‍♂️ #MeetingMadness

another, conclusion, discussion, end, everything, humor, irony, meeting, meetings, needs, office, procrastination, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

People always say, “There’s plenty of fish in the sea” … yeah, but I’ve got my eye fixed on that specific, emotionally distant salmon who has commitment issues.

0

2 months ago

always, commitment, commitment issue, dating, distant, emotionally, emotionally distant, eye, fish, got, humor, issue, issues, people, relationship, salmon, say, sea, specific
I’m having people over to stare at their phones later, if you want to come by.

0

2 months ago

fun, gathering, humor, invite, later, party, people, phones, social, stare, want
Asked a German woman why Germany produced so many legendary physicists / mathematicians, and her response was basically, “Have you considered educating people who aren’t rich?”

0

4 months ago

asked, class, education, German, Germany, humor, intelligence, mathematician, people, physicist, response, rich, social, social class, stereotype, wealth, why, woman
The concept of hot water showers feeling so good but not actually being good for your hair or skin is disgusting.

0

3 weeks ago

actually, being, concept, contradiction, discomfort, disgusting, feeling, good, hair, hot, hot water, hygiene, irony, shower, showers, skin, water
Who called it a missed phone call from your parents and not a boomer rang?

0

2 months ago

boomerang, call, gap, generational, generational gap, humor, missed, missed call, parents, phone, wordplay
Now if you’ll excuse me, today’s bad decisions aren’t going to make themselves.

0

2 months ago

bad, bad decision, decision, excuse, humor, me, procrastination, self-deprecation, today

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

46 shares on Reddit this month:

When people suck the life out of you, they should take some fat too.

70 shares on Reddit this month:

Before ball parks were invented there was pretty much no way to give someone a rough estimate.

49 shares on Telegram this month:

Just spent a couple seconds concerned about the sounds my stomach was making before realizing it was a motorcycle outside.

37 shares on X this month:

Someone asked me if I had plans for the fall. It took me a moment to realize they meant “Autumn,” not the collapse of civilization.

27 shares on Instagram this month:

One of the weirdest things about being an adult is having a favorite stove top burner. No one ever talks about it, but y’all know it’s true.

11 shares on Threads this month:

Demi Lovato is short for demilitarized love potato.

62 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’ve started dating myself exclusively but it’s not working out.

83 shares on Instagram this month:

The secret to work life balance is generational wealth.

31 shares on X this month:

Called in, “I can either stay home today and learn to play this accordion or bring it in with me. Your call.”

49 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking that I’d have to do.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Let the good times roll. Let the bad times crawl. Let the acceptable times do the hopscotch.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Is Mercury in reggaeton?

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I never had a year with this much thinking. I’ve been thinking since the 1st.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Why did Star Wars Episodes 4, 5 & 6 come out before 1,2 & 3? Because in charge of directing, Yoda was.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

There should be a good 10 hours in between waking up and having to interact with people.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t always clear my calculator, but when I do, I hit both C and CE a bunch of times because I don’t know exactly what they do.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Not again. I mean good morning.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

God doesn’t do nearly enough smiting anymore.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

As per my last curse, I have no interest in this.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

You know what I never see anymore are those old alcoholics with the weird noses.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

216 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,485

Funny Quotes Topics

17,557

Funny Quotes Images

15,485

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,678

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

Welcome to your 40s. You now pay for 7 streaming services, only use 4 and can’t remember the password to any of them.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

I miss when people didn’t talk on speakerphone in public.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

Women are like a fitted sheet. No matter what you do or how hard you try, they just never seem to cooperate.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

Someone said I should think before I speak and I said “eww what a horrible way to live”

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

Dear phone, if you didn’t light up so many times to tell me you had a low battery, you wouldn’t have died so quickly!

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

If you ever think you can solve a parenting problem by doing the opposite of what didn’t work last time, the universe will just be like “Lol, nice try, dummy!”

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

The incontinent optimist sees the bladder as half empty.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

Has anyone seen my invisibility cloak?

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

Babymaking music but it’s the Benny Hill theme song.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

People who say that they don’t have time for my bullshit should wake up an hour earlier.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Twitch:

You never realize how many curse words are in a song till you play it for your family.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Sperm me would be swimming in the other direction.

Going viral on Threads:

Typing in your email address on the TV is a different type of irritation.

Broadcasted on X:

Sleeping is nice, because you’re not actually dead and you’re not awake, so its a win-win situation.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need most.

Spotted on X:

Professor, set the time machine for right now. I’m trying to be more present.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

These aliens are taking forever.

Making waves on WeChat:

Can’t. Just put my hair in a bun and that’s just about enough exercise for today.

Going viral on Telegram:

Why is it spelled “camouflage” and not “ “?

Trending via Twitch:

Your honor, I was under the impression it was hammer time.

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