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Parenting: where exhaustion and the dwindling will to live are a package deal! 🤣💤 It's all fun and games until you realize you've been surviving on coffee and sheer determination. 😅 #ParentingLife

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My intern was born in 2007. I have unread emails older than that.

2 weeks ago

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If adulting had a return policy, I’d use it immediately.

2 days ago

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Friendly reminder that double negatives are a big no-no.

4 days ago

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When I look at the world, I realize why Noah only took animals with him.

2 weeks ago

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Kids are like pancakes. The first one is always a bit strange.

2 weeks ago

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Netflix and chi…cken nuggets.

2 weeks ago

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84 shares on LinkedIn this month:

One week of daily crunches and I have abs…urdly underestimated how long it will take to see results.

98 shares on Instagram this month:

Time needs a speed limit.

99 shares on Slack this month:

Has anyone noticed what it’s beginning to look a lot like?

71 shares on Pinterest this month:

If cartoons have taught us anything, it’s the uselessness of little umbrellas when plummeting from a cliff.

61 shares on Slack this month:

That thing they say about getting drunk with the love of your life in a walkable city is no joke. It hits like crack.

12 shares on WeChat this month:

I don’t remember if I was 43 or 44 before my birthday, so now I don’t know if I’m 44 or 45. That’s your 40’s.

12 shares on Messenger this month:

The lion does not concern himself with attaching a cover letter.

50 shares on Instagram this month:

“Well, this is no good. How do I turn it off?” – The first primate to experience consciousness.

32 shares on Threads this month:

Don’t forget to set your clocks back to seasonal depression this weekend.

43 shares on Messenger this month:

Whoever is writing my Rom-Com, can you maybe, I don’t know, START IT?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

Ribbed condoms don’t even taste like ribs.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

You can learn a lot about a person by observing their every waking movement from a tree outside their house.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

So tomorrow is Monday again? I can’t keep living like this.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

To get my cat to eat, I tell him about all the hungry cats in Catfrica.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

Can I do better? Yes. Will I do better? Probably not.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

I’m not mad, I just hope your socks slide off in your shoe all day.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

Everyone is always talking about raising money for dogs without homes, but what about the ones who don’t have cars?

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

Any time I throw up, I stare at it like I’m getting a message from the past.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

I’ll be like “I’m fine” then shake my leg at 150 mph.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

Jeans have the tendency of looking neat when you’re about to wash them.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Just learned in psychology that when a man goes to sleep first, it’s because he’s comfortable around you and wants you to go through his phone.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Landlord: I’m raising your rent. Me: Am I getting a bigger house?

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

It’s not my job to police the internet, but I just saw someone post a recipe for a cauliflower cake, and I reported them for harmful content.

Trending via Messenger:

My hobbies include sleeping and feeling like I’ve never slept.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Your problems are neither sexual nor spiritual, they are gastrointestinal.

Making waves on Twitch:

Not using emoji while texting is my way to show that I’m serious.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I might not be able to speak another language but I can speak English slower!

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Why did they call it an Amazon wishlist and not an ‘Oughttobuyography’.

Going viral on YouTube:

Really looking forward to the day my teenager starts speaking English again.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I wish I could get a bouquet of mozzarella sticks.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My favorite part of parenting is being exhausted all the time and losing the will to live.

Keep the laugh going 😂

My intern was born in 2007. I have unread emails older than that.

If adulting had a return policy, I’d use it immediately.

Friendly reminder that double negatives are a big no-no.

When I look at the world, I realize why Noah only took animals with him.

Kids are like pancakes. The first one is always a bit strange.

Netflix and chi…cken nuggets.

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