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Commentary:
"Who needs the gym when you can just dazzle the audience with some magic tricks? 🎩✨🔮 Also, if you ever need a shortcut to shedding those extra pounds, just grab a magician! 🎩🔪💫"

fitness, getting, goal, goal weight, half, humor, illusion, magician, me, saw, trick, weight

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

It’s Friday. I ran out of small talk on Tuesday. Please leave me alone.

1 month ago
alone, Friday, frustration, humor, i, independence, introvert, leave, me, please, ran, small, small talk, solitude, talk, Tuesday
No revenge, because to know me only as a memory is to suffer.

1 month ago
humor, know, me, memory, only, revenge, suffer, suffering, wit
Thinking about taking some time off to focus on cheese.

4 months ago
break, cheese, focus, food, humor, relaxation, taking, thinking, time, time off
“Hope you’re enjoying the sunshine!” No, I’m at a desk reading your email.

1 month ago
desk, email, enjoying, hope, humor, irony, reading, sarcasm, sunshine, work
Picking up the hem of my baggy pants to walk up the stairs like it’s a ballgown.

2 months ago
baggy, baggy pant, ballgown, behavior, contrast, fashion, fashion contrast, funny behavior, hem, pant, pants, picking, stairs, walk, walking
It ain’t easy being America’s sweetheart during these dark times, but someone gotta do it!

5 months ago
America, being, challenge, dark, dark time, easy, humor, responsibility, someone, sweetheart, time, times

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

That moment of panic when they invite you inside at the start of the birthday party you thought was a drop off.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

Getting older means talking to less people and complaining about more people.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

If you order a pizza with veggies on it, you can tell people you had a salad.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

I talk to my dog like she’s human and, like most humans, she looks at me like I’m an idiot.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

Used dark mode so much that I became physically repulsed when I see a white screen.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

FaceTiming me is for platinum members only.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

Spotify Wrapped isn’t enough, I want an Excel spreadsheet of my listening habits.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Snapchat:

I like to describe the difference between theory and practice with shopping lists and receipts.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Fifteen years ago, makeup was all powders and dusts. But now, it’s all goo and liquid. From this, I can infer that by 2040, it will all be made of pigmented gases.

Going viral on Reddit:

You really have to enjoy the way a man is acting in the beginning, because you will never meet that man again.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Why are they called “grammar Nazis” and not “the Gestypo”?

Spotted on Facebook:

I’m writing a parenting book called ‘Kids won’t listen until you scream like your mother did’.

Going viral on Threads:

Men, why do you still have the boxes your electronics came in?

Just shared via Messenger:

Humans can accomplish so much, unless it’s parking at a shopping center during the holidays.

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Activity Log ✨

My goal weight is getting a magician to saw me in half.

It’s Friday. I ran out of small talk on Tuesday. Please leave me alone.

No revenge, because to know me only as a memory is to suffer.

Thinking about taking some time off to focus on cheese.

“Hope you’re enjoying the sunshine!” No, I’m at a desk reading your email.

Picking up the hem of my baggy pants to walk up the stairs like it’s a ballgown.

It ain’t easy being America’s sweetheart during these dark times, but someone gotta do it!

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I got bills. They’re multiplying.

No one is excited to see me in shorts except mosquitoes.

The key to looking amazing is looking like shit most of the time, so it’s more of a surprise.

If you ever think English is not a weird language just remember that read and lead rhyme and read and lead rhyme. But read and lead don’t rhyme, and neither do read and lead.

Sorry, can’t. I’m currently nodding in class so the teacher doesn’t feel sad.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Right before rock bottom, you’ll have a city builder game on your phone.

Flirting with submissives is actually really easy. All you gotta do is send a gif of a small animal and say, ‘This is so you.’

Americans saw water freeze at 0°C and said, “Let’s make that 32.”

For your own sanity, always take mixed signals as a no.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

After cooking show a dishwashing show with same host but kind of drunk.

Shouldn’t autocorrect be called autoassume?

Ants can be found on every continent except Antarctica, which is weird considering their name.

The more I parent the more convinced I am that the ears on toddlers are purely for decoration.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Friends with benefits but the benefits are you getting me an internship with your father’s network.

It’s normal that my retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding buried treasure at some point, right?

The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

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My goal weight is getting a magician to saw me in half.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

It’s Friday. I ran out of small talk on Tuesday. Please leave me alone.

No revenge, because to know me only as a memory is to suffer.

Thinking about taking some time off to focus on cheese.

“Hope you’re enjoying the sunshine!” No, I’m at a desk reading your email.

Picking up the hem of my baggy pants to walk up the stairs like it’s a ballgown.

It ain’t easy being America’s sweetheart during these dark times, but someone gotta do it!

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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