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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

Good news: I set an all time high today! Bad news: It’s my cholesterol.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

So. Fed the laundry and washed the cat. Showered the garbage and disposed of myself. Was there anything else?

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

I was so locked in, to the point where we were tongue-kissing with morning breath.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

Stop using ChatGPT. You got a question, you come to me first.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

I need to stop drinking so much. Did I say drinking? I meant thinking. I definitely need to drink more.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

I love going “Streets are saying” before I say something I literally just made up.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

Sometimes I’ll do a random act of kindness, like keeping my mouth shut, for example.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

I hope whoever came up with the spelling for Wednesday was punished for their actions.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

Men invented pool tables so they could watch each other bend over.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

Even before the internet, I always had a little side chat going on in my head.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

75 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,344

Funny Quotes Topics

17,462

Funny Quotes Images

15,344

Jan 2, 2026

3,669

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Twitch:

If God had known what mankind would turn into, he would have sterilized Adam.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Sorry for levitating at the end of your bed all night, I just think you’re really cute.

Going viral on Instagram:

I get it, funds… I, too, am insufficient.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Tiime isn’t on my side, it’s on my face, wrinkling my forehead.

Spotted on Slack:

Thaw me like one of your french fries!

Live now on Twitch:

HR: “Please complete our anonymous survey.” My boss then later: “Don’t forget the survey, HR said you are the last one from our team.”

Trending via Facebook:

Me: I’m an introvert. Vodka: No, you’re not.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I’ve been in a bad mood since like 2010.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

An electric car is just another electric chair.

Shared recently on Instagram:

“I asked Grok.” “I asked ChatGPT.” Well, I asked R2D2, and he said you’re a loser.

My main career goal at the moment is to find a big bag of money in the woods.

2 months ago

0

My main career goal at the moment is to find a big bag of money in the woods.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the elusive big bag of money in the woods 🌳💰 The ultimate treasure hunt for aspiring financial wizards! Who needs a glass ceiling when you can have a leafy canopy overhead? Here's to forging your own path to fiscal fortune, one forest escapade at a time! 🌲🔍 #MoneyTrees #ForestRiches"

adventure, aspiration, bag, big, career, goal, humor, main, moment, money, treasure, woods

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Why did Star Wars Episodes 4, 5 & 6 come out before 1,2 & 3? Because in charge of directing, Yoda was.

0

2 months ago

12, 3, 4, before, charge, comedy, directing, episodes, films, humor, movie, movie order, order, sci-fi, star, Star Wars, wars, Yoda
I’ve never been married, but I tell people I’m divorced so they won’t think something is wrong with me.

0

2 months ago

divorce, humor, i, marriage, married, me, never, people, pressure, relationship, self-perception, single, social, social pressure, something, tell, think, wrong
“You’re always sleeping!” God forbid a girl wants to be unconscious.

0

4 days ago

always, complaint, forbid, girl, God, humor, sleep, sleeping, unconscious, wants
Does everyone have that one colleague at work who puts you in a bad mood just by looking at them?

0

2 months ago

bad, bad mood, colleague, everyone, humor, just, looking, mood, negativity, office, work
‘I have a ripe avocado at home’ is my favorite excuse for cancelling plans.

0

2 months ago

avocado, cancelling, excuse, favorite, home, i, plans, ripe
My OnlyFans is just me loading the dishwasher correctly.

0

2 months ago

chore, dishwasher, domestic, domestic life, household, household chore, humor, irony, just, life, me, media, OnlyFans, social, social media

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

79 shares on Discord this month:

Don’t wait for later to eat the cake. Do it now, before another mammal of your household finds it.

96 shares on Slack this month:

I hate that I present as an independent woman who doesn’t need any help. It’s a facade. Help me.

21 shares on X this month:

Had an interview today, and my belly rumbled. The lady goes, “Missed lunch?” I told her, “Nah, I’m hungry for success!”

97 shares on X this month:

On Twitter, you will always find someone who is tweeting your thoughts but with better grammar.

65 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Currently looking for tickets for the first flight back to the ’90s.

74 shares on Pinterest this month:

A recent study showed that people who are reading this text thought they were learning something useful.

92 shares on YouTube this month:

Woke up and immediately broke my resolution to be less sexy this year.

16 shares on Facebook this month:

I just want what every middle-aged person wants: to remember what it was that I wanted.

52 shares on TikTok this month:

“You look tired”. No, I’m just ugly.

76 shares on Telegram this month:

Being the introverted hopeless romantic with a high sex drive is a curse.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Went to the hairdresser today and now I look much younger. I’m thinking about going back tomorrow.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

The audacity of my parents’ oldies station now playing 80s music.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

My phone screen is brighter than my future.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

The breathing exercises from the birth preparation course are only needed once the child has reached puberty.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I grew up in a kinder, gentler age. We pitied our fools.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

If stores want to accurately display clothes for people over 40, the mannequins should be laying on a couch.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Suffering from a forehead kisses deficiency (self-diagnosed).

14 folks are currently checking 👀

This entire year I was method acting. None of it was real. I was working on a bit.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

People who don’t have a dishwasher, where do they bang their shins?

17 folks are currently checking 👀

All soups are gazpacho if you’re lazy enough.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

75 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,344

Funny Quotes Topics

17,462

Funny Quotes Images

15,344

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,676

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

In an alternate universe, the hard way is always learning me.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

You’re 25, stressing like you’re 40, because you want to be rich before 30, am I right?

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

“I have a favourite hole”, me, at the pool table.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

I don’t think I’ve ever made the right amount of pasta.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

Sorry I zoned out during your story… my brain was offering me multiple side quests and overthinking opportunities.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

Willem Dafoe gets to be in two different Nosferatu movies, whereas the average person doesn’t even get to be in one.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

Having a good heart has done nothing but made me look stupid.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

Microsoft Teams needs to add a “spank” reaction for when I want to reprimand my employees during a video call.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

The only thing I love more than an open mind is an open bar.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

Money saved by using public transport instead of an Uber is paid for with your time and mental health instead.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Twitch:

Being a toddler’s favorite person is what real love actually looks like.

Live now on TikTok:

From now on, I’m gonna tell guests that I made my house especially messy just for their visit. It was hard, but I got it done.

Live now on Facebook:

That moment when you dip your cookie in milk for too long and it breaks off, then you wonder why bad things happen to good people.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Remember before social media you would have to pick up the phone and call someone to tell them how much you love bacon?

Breaking via TikTok:

When I trip, I always look back to see who or what did it, because it couldn’t have possibly been my fault.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

You can have kids or you can always know where your scissors are. You can’t have both.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I keep pressing the space bar, but I’m still on Earth.

Making waves on X:

Adulting: unlocking life’s mysteries, one therapy session at a time.

Just shared via Discord:

I’m in favor of sticking an “out of order” sign on some people’s foreheads. As a warning.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

I’m sorry to break it to you, but you need a soul to have a soulmate.

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