Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • What I’ve learned in all these years of marriage is how to open a bottle of beer silently.
  • When someone asks me what my dream job is, it’s just like “I don’t know dude, I don’t dream about jobs”
  • I just looked over at my new shoes and the box says “vegan”. I’ve never had to feed my other shoes before.
  • As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I’m totally flexible.
  • Sometimes I just say “no idea” because I’m too lazy to think.
  • At this point, if you buy Tesla, everyone is just going to assume you are a loser.