Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

Don’t tell me to trust my gut. Thats where I put my snacks. Clearly that’s where I’m the weakest.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

I’m not alone. I have ants.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

I don’t really care how you met your partner. Tell me about how you met your nemesis.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

Being a parent means hearing a noise at 3 a.m. and hoping it’s just a ghost and not your toddler getting up again.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

Why are those Mad Max guys always driving around, it’s not like there’s anywhere to go?

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

I could never be an Instagram mom influencer. For starters, I wouldn’t be able to give my kids a name like Banjo or Parmesan or Chandelier.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

Be the one that gets asked to remove the hockey mask, during a conference call, on Friday the 13th.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

One year closer to whatever age my obituary will say.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

Never meeting another person again, so if I know you already, congrats!

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

I’m always looking for new and exciting ways to give up.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,257

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Discord:

I had 99 problems but getting divorced solved 98 of them.

Breaking via X:

Kinda in the mood to let my feelings impair my judgement.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I usually decompose after work rather than decompress.

Trending via Messenger:

An adventure and a dragon would cure me.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I feel like smashing my phone would be cathartic.

Making waves on Messenger:

If you’re lost in the woods, start talking loudly about politics. Someone will come to argue with you.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

If I ever went to jail for murder, it would be for murdering my printer.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I get sad when I see how old people my age are.

Live now on TikTok:

I don’t know how to flirt, but you can watch me eat fresh fruit in my sundress.

Broadcasted on X:

Relationship Status: just tried to pet my dog and he turned his head so I pretended I was reaching for a leaf that was next to him.

My phone just filmed a 2 hour documentary about life inside my purse.

2 months ago

0

My phone just filmed a 2 hour documentary about life inside my purse.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like your phone is ready to submit its entry to the Sundance Film Festival! 📱🎥🎬 Who knew your purse has all the drama, suspense, and mystery of a blockbuster hit?! Perhaps it's time to start charging it director royalties! 🤣 #PurseLifeDocumentary

2, belongings, documentary, everyday, filming, hour, humor, inside, just, life, personal, personal belongings, phone, purse, technology

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

In the 90s, you’d always find your way to some stranger’s house.

0

3 months ago

90s, always, house, humor, interaction, memory, nostalgia, social, social interaction, stranger, strangers
Everyone has that one friend they’ve known for years and still have no idea what they actually do for a living, but it’s too late to ask.

0

2 months ago

actually, ask, career, curiosity, everyone, friend, humor, idea, late, living, long-term, mystery, relationship, social, still, too
Slipping into something a little more comfortable (psychosis).

0

5 months ago

comfort, comfortable, health, humor, little, mental, mental health, psychosis, slipping, something
Sorry, can’t make it, just remembered I don’t want to.

0

5 months ago

avoidance, cancel, excuse, honesty, humor, i, just, plans, procrastination, social, social plans, sorry, want
Every retail employee should get to hit one customer a year and there is no way for customers to tell if they’ve used it yet.

0

2 months ago

customer, customers, employee, every, hit, humor, retail, satisfaction, should, stress, tell, used, workplace, year, yearly
A little sign under the doorbell that says, “think twice, adventurer.”

0

2 months ago

adventure, adventurer, doorbell, humor, little, sign, think, think twice, twice, warning

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

89 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Smile like a monkey with a new banana.

92 shares on Pinterest this month:

The minute I start feeling like a mother to a man, the relationship is over.

24 shares on YouTube this month:

College is not even mentioned once in the Bible. Somebody get me outta here.

59 shares on Reddit this month:

Nobody is more stressed than a person who has a lot of interests or passions and is still confused about their career.

72 shares on Threads this month:

Girls won’t admit it, but they don’t like super fine dudes; they like medium ugly, funny dudes that dress nice.

52 shares on Snapchat this month:

My life goal is to make you feel as awkward or awesome as you are making me feel.

76 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Every time I use self-checkout, the person in front of me has never used self-checkout, touchscreens, or money before.

44 shares on Instagram this month:

And no thanking Jesus unless he actually shows up at the ceremony.

62 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Whenever I go down the stairs next to an escalator, I always move faster than the escalator to prove to the people I made the better decision.

44 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Relationship goal: synchronizing our eye rolls.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m buysexual, you buy me food, I become sexual.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

If you’re out shopping this week, be nice to the retail workers. It’s not their fault you waited to shop until Mary’s water broke.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t you hate it when you offer help and the other person says yes?

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Being excited to get in bed really is a different level of adulting.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

iPad PR is so crazy because you think you absolutely need one until you get it.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Every outdoor cat should be given a little cowboy hat and a gun.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

For your own sanity, always take mixed signals as a no.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Is losing your mind a hobby?

18 folks are currently checking 👀

We all got a little Barbie in us (the microplastics).

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Let’s skip the getting-to-know-you phase. Just block me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,413

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

Maybe the elephant doesn’t want to be addressed, and we should respect their boundaries.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

If you pretend you’re erasing the evidence of a murder while cleaning the bathroom, you’ll do a better job, and it actually becomes fun!

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure!

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

I need a long hot meteor shower.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

Having a crush is so fun, it’s literally just butterflies and delusion.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

My boyfriend moved in with me straight from Hotel Mama. In a way, I’m now a single parent.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

No need for a Halloween costume this year because there’s nothing scarier than being in your mid-20s and not knowing who you are or what you want to do anymore.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

My retirement plan is time travel to the 80s.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

You don’t use a semicolons correctly; you use a semicolon confidently.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

Oasis didn’t just write good songs. They wrote the soundtrack for a whole generation.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Threads:

I’m at the age where a house arrest no longer sounds like the worst thing.

Trending via Instagram:

Some people pack their lives so full of activities, appointments and people that I get exhausted just reading about it.

Shared recently on Instagram:

They should make a biopic of just some random guy.

Spotted on Threads:

We went on a family vacation and it was a terrible experience. It was all whining, complaining, and tantrums. And don’t get me started on what my kids did.

Spotted on Slack:

I would only enjoy the Met Gala if at the end of that runway they all walked into a volcano.

Just landed via WeChat:

How can vampires enjoy drinking our hot blood in the summer and other thoughts that keep me up at night.

Shared recently on X:

A web developer and an SEO expert walk into a bar, bars, nightclub, pubs, tavern, beer, alcohol, drinks, alcoholic beverages, bars in my area, places to drink.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I used to have a great future in my past.

Making waves on Pinterest:

People say I act like I don’t care. It’s not an act.

Live now on Discord:

May I please come over and curl up in your lap like a cat?

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