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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

I regret to inform you that we must all once again figure out what to make for dinner tonight.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

I’m not well rested. Sleeping Beauty was well rested.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

Anytime I switch deodorants, it’s like a sexy stranger is following me around all day.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

I lied, there’s no sex. I just needed help getting out of my skinny jeans.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

If you’re thinking what I’m thinking, you need professional help.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

I said when I retire, I would travel. I just didn’t expect it to be to the doctors.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

Puberty was a hair-raising experience.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

Why are there people outside at the same time as me? It’s my turn.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

If you find me offensive, then I suggest you quit finding me.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

Billionaires didn’t get rich by working harder. They got rich by making sure you work harder, get paid less, and spend more.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,705

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it like five or six times. You know, just to be sure.

Trending via X:

If I was a Spice Girl I would be Mild to Medium Spice.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

I would describe my personal style as whatever is on top of the pile of clothes on the floor.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Imagine the carnage at an IKEA team building event.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

“You never reply to messages.” I am just one person, okay? I am understaffed.

Live now on Pinterest:

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness, clearly never paid for a divorce.

Trending via YouTube:

Gen Z will be like “OMG new life hack!” and then it’s a video of them adjusting the toaster dial.

Making waves on Facebook:

Do men know they don’t have to date if they’re not over their ex?

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Relationship rule: If the woman has told something and the man doesn’t remember, the man hasn’t listened. If the man has told something and the woman doesn’t remember, the man has never told it.

Trending via Threads:

Robert De Niro always looks like he just smelled a nasty fart.

My tween would like you to know I ruined his life when I told him to stop being super sus and cringe and be more lit yo.

2 months ago

0

My tween would like you to know I ruined his life when I told him to stop being super sus and cringe and be more lit yo.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Breaking news: Parenting Skills 101 now includes mastering the art of speaking 'tween'! 🚨👩‍🏫 Turns out, being 'lit yo' isn't as easy as it sounds! 🔥😂 Watch out, world – the sus and cringe police are on duty! 🕵️‍♂️🚫 Life as a parent just got extra spicy! 🌶️👪 #ParentingAdvent

communication, cringe, humor, i, life, lit, parenting, slang, stop, super, sus, teenager, tween

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Cops wake up Christmas morning excited as hell to ignore their family and go sit on the highway with a radar gun for 10 hours.

0

6 days ago

boredom, Christmas, Christmas morning, cop, cops, enforcement, excited, family, gun, hell, highway, holiday, hours, humor, ignore, law, law enforcement, morning, radar, radar gun, sit, traffic, wake
I like it when someone feeds me their food without me asking. I feel like a part of my inner child heals.

0

3 months ago

asking, child, feeding, feeds, feel, food, healing, i, inner, inner child, kindness, me, sharing, someone, surprise
Satan: “Would you please stop sacrificing animals to me. I’m not running a zoo down here.”

0

2 months ago

animals, dark, dark humor, here, humor, irony, me, religion, running, sacrifice, Satan, stop, zoo
I hope my email finds you enraged.

0

2 months ago

anger, communication, email, finds, hope, humor, i, sarcasm
That awkward moment when someone gets angry at you for clicking a pen, but you have to click it one more time to use it.

0

2 months ago

anger, awkward, awkward moment, click, frustration, humor, moment, pen, situation, social, social situation, someone, time
Just found out my asexual friend was only using me for my companionship.

0

2 months ago

asexual, companionship, found, friend, humor, irony, just, me, only, relationship, using

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

70 shares on Twitch this month:

One day you said w00t for the last time, and didn’t even realize.

96 shares on Twitch this month:

Who the hell keeps letting it be Monday again?

31 shares on Pinterest this month:

An adult is a person who makes noise when they stand up.

42 shares on Twitch this month:

I’ve reached the conclusion that all men love thigh high stockings.

72 shares on TikTok this month:

All I’ve ever wanted is to look good naked, hope that someone can take it.

39 shares on Reddit this month:

I don’t understand, but I also don’t care… so it works out.

37 shares on X this month:

The real advantage of being self-employed is that you don’t have to go to a Christmas party.

85 shares on Twitch this month:

I wait all week for the weekend just to aggressively do nothing in five different outfits.

33 shares on Twitch this month:

My parents didn’t raise me to be rude, I had to practice.

14 shares on TikTok this month:

Films and television have led me to believe that masquerade balls have a higher mortality rate than most wars.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

The only time you should be faking it is when your pet checks to see if you’re awake.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I didn’t mean to mimic your voice, I just had to know what it felt like to sound like that.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I forgot to sweep up some crumbs earlier, and I just heard an ant moaning in pleasure as he discovered the bounty.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

To avoid burnout at work, use the 30-30 rule: after 30 minutes of work, quit your job and disappear into the mountains for 30 years.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

My dating checklist is down to “not the Unabomber”.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I love jogging in this heat, cause the sweat hides my tears.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Mini skirts are so cute and fun, like, oops, my ass is out.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Might mess around and reply to all work emails with “make me”.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Having long hair as a guy is so scary because some days I look like the charming lead of a classic film from the 80s, and other days I look like a Discord mod that runs his Magic: The Gathering group like the Navy.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

My husband sure has a lot of opinions on which movie he’s gonna sleep through.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,621

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

A diamond is forever, and so is my teen’s grudge against me for some random stuff every other day.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

I said when I retire, I would travel. I just didn’t expect it to be to the doctors.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

‘I love reading!’ says the woman who loves owning books.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

If you tell me to make myself at home, I’m going to ask you to leave.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

I feel sorry for Netflix era kids. They will never know the high stakes adrenaline of running away in an ad break, with the beckoning call of a sibling screaming “It’s ON!” to send you hurdling over furniture to get back in time.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

Boy, did The Shining nail what it’s like being an only child.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

Dear everyone. Upset, bored, angry or hungry. I’m here for you. Sincerely, fridge.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

Be useless, so nobody can use you.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

It’s called Boxing Day because you’re supposed to spend it eating boxes.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

Netflix needs to stop asking if I’m still watching and start asking if I moved the laundry to the dryer yet.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Snapchat:

Not now, I’m busy doing tax crimes on my abacus.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Body: time to fall asleep. Brain: hey, that’s an interesting thought, here’s six billion more.

Shared recently on TikTok:

My mental health is as reliable as a flashlight in a horror film.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Stop expecting people to be as cool as you, it’s a recipe for disappointment.

Trending via X:

I’ve been blocked by better.

Just landed via Discord:

Haircuts should be covered by healthcare.

Going bananas on Reddit:

Phone addiction got so bad that watching a movie feels productive.

Just shared via YouTube:

If your kids aren’t drinking enough water, tell them it’s bedtime.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

You feel me? Bro, I haven’t felt anything since the Scholastic Book Fair.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Nobody told me that when you get a husband the ears are sold separately.

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