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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

Sorry, I’m late. I was trying to convince a bathroom hand dryer that I exist.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

IKEA assembly instructions should come with a glossary of Swedish swear words.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

Attempted to exercise this morning. Didn’t work out.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

In a relationship with my heated car seat.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

Just drafted the drunk text I’m going to send after one drink this weekend.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

If you make it through life without being portrayed in a murder documentary, take the win.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

You need a twins name suggestion? How about Kate and DupliKate?

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

Beavers are also just otters that have learned carpentry.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

The best way for me to stick to my diet is to go straight back to sleep after breakfast.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

Nothing tops a plain pizza.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2015 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,177

Funny Quotes Topics

14,933

Funny Quotes Images

12,177

4 minutes ago

3,427

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

Asking a film guy, “Who is that?” when Tom Cruise comes on screen just to feel something.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Women love deciding to never talk to you again, and actually do it.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

If I were a billionaire, I wouldn’t build rockets to escape to Mars. I would build rockets to make everyone else leave Earth.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Relationship status: I love my bed.

Trending via Pinterest:

I know everything is expensive right now, but just remember correcting people’s grammar online is still free.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

What if i just replied “not now kitten daddy’s busy” to all my work emails?

Shared recently on WeChat:

It’s obvious now that democracy is a busted flush and that in future politicians should be selected via several rigorous rounds of Taskmaster.

Shared recently on Instagram:

To everyone who wrote “stay cool” in my year book, I have some devastating news.

Just shared via Pinterest:

You wear a white shirt and all of a sudden everybody wants to go eat spaghetti.

Making waves on Facebook:

Life is like bread. It gets hard at some point.

My whole life just flashed before my eyes and there was way too much pizza.

6 months ago

My whole life just flashed before my eyes and there was way too much pizza.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who knew that a life full of pizza could be this overwhelming? 🍕😅 It seems this person has definitely lived life on the cheesy side! Just imagine the adventures they must have had with all those toppings and crusts 😂🍕 Keep the good times rolling, one slice at a time!"

eyes, flash, food, humor, just, life, pizza, whole

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2015 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,177

Funny Quotes Topics

14,933

Funny Quotes Images

12,177

4 minutes ago

3,444

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

You know you got a bad haircut when she insists on giving you a $10 discount.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

Don’t tell me about Stockholm Syndrome, I woke up at 6 AM on my first day of vacation wondering how things were going at work.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

People should be allowed to leave work early if they want to go see a movie.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

Middle-aged math is going out drinking and feeling half your age then waking up the next morning feeling twice your age.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

Microdosing hell by checking the web every day.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

Growing your own tomatoes really is the best way to devote 3 months of your life to saving $2.17.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

When you really want to slap someone, do it and say, “Mosquito!

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

I miss the good ol’ days until I remember things like having to get out of my chair and smack the TV to get a clearer picture.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

The older I get, the more I lose my looks. But I’m also losing my eyesight, so it’s not my problem.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Messenger:

I’m at the age where the first thing I do when I get somewhere is look for a place to sit.

Spotted on Facebook:

Note to self: Very important! First hang up, then insult.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Welcome to parenting! The only hobbies you have left are the ones you can do in the bathroom.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

My favorite thing about summer is opening a window for 30 seconds so an insect that hasn’t been identified by science yet can fly into your home.

Just shared via Instagram:

Don’t ever get excited if your kid likes a new food. They won’t like it tomorrow.

Just shared via X:

I’ve been locked out of Tinder because of “unusual activity”. I must’ve got a match.

Live now on Messenger:

I’m bored, but not “read a book for fun” bored.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Shout out to myself for ruining my own life.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Did 900 crunches today. It was a bag of Cheetos, but still.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

I’m at the age where, if you ask me to go out after 9 p.m., I’m definitely not coming.

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