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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

Twitter is the only place where well-articulated sentences still get misinterpreted. You can say “I like pancakes,” and somebody will say, “So you hate waffles?”

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

Robot bartender rips me in half after listening to my problems for over an hour.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

Growing up means choosing cozy couch moments over crowded club scenes. Cheers to adulting!

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

Clicking on a suspicious link at work just to feel something.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

Signing all emails with BOOM SHAKALAKA today.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

Guns N’ Roses: “Welcome to the jungle!” The jungle: “No more humans, please!”

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

Imagine a refund on all the money you spent on alcohol.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

I don’t understand the phrase “You can’t have your cake and eat it” because if I have cake, what the hell else am I supposed to do with it.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

Vegan zombies be like: GRAINS!

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

My cat just sneezed a bunch of times in a row and then hissed at himself. What an icon!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

237 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,506

Funny Quotes Topics

17,571

Funny Quotes Images

15,506

Jan 6, 2026

3,503

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Threads:

The only thing I worry about when I’m in the restroom is if people are washing their hands or not.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Life update: it’s getting worse.

Breaking via Threads:

The neighbor sneezes loudly from the balcony. And because I’m a polite person, I shout loudly: Disgusting!

Broadcasted on Threads:

If they cancel the Simpsons, we will no longer be able to see into the future.

Going bananas on WeChat:

I like to listen to the national anthems during the award ceremonies. I’m into country music.

Trending via Messenger:

Welcome to your 40s, where the hair shows up uninvited and looks pissed to be here.

Going viral on Telegram:

Got so emotional thinking about the Toy Story aliens. They have each other.

Trending via Instagram:

“You’re so quick to cut someone off!” God forbid a girl actually has self-respect.

Just shared via Pinterest:

It’s crazy how social media convinced us that 15 likes aren’t enough. Imagine 15 people in real life telling you that you looked good.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

They won’t teach you this in school, but life is all about going to weird little diners.

Nature is fascinating. A dandelion makes it through concrete, while I get my head stuck in my sweater in the morning.

2 months ago

0

Nature is fascinating. A dandelion makes it through concrete, while I get my head stuck in my sweater in the morning.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Nature truly works in mysterious ways! 🌿🌻 It's amazing how a tiny dandelion can conquer concrete like a boss, while we struggle with the simplest tasks like putting on a sweater. Just a gentle reminder from Mother Nature to embrace our quirks and keep blooming! 🌼😄"

comparison, concrete, dandelion, head, humor, i, life, morning, nature, resilience, struggle, sweater

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Men are like dogs. They’re actually cute, but having my own would be too much work for me.

0

2 months ago

comparison, cute, dogs, having, humor, me, men, much, own, pet, relationship, too, work
Fact: Snow in November happens because people decorate for Christmas prematurely. You know who you are. Stop it.

0

2 months ago

Christmas, decorate, decoration, fact, holiday, humor, know, November, people, premature, snow, stop, weather
Turns out, college is all about forming unspoken, powerful bonds with people you talk to twice.

0

3 weeks ago

bond, college, conversation, forming, friendship, humor, interaction, people, powerful, social, social interaction, talk, twice, unspoken
Less is more, unless it’s kindness, sleep, or toilet paper.

0

2 months ago

comfort, essentials, humor, kindness, less, less is more, lifestyle, paper, sleep, toilet, toilet paper
Why can’t my career pursue me instead?

0

2 months ago

aspiration, career, humor, irony, job, life, me, pursue, why
I’m already sick of tomorrow.

0

2 months ago

frustration, humor, procrastination, sick, time, tomorrow

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

39 shares on Slack this month:

Does bisexual mean twice as sexual or once every other sexual?

62 shares on WeChat this month:

Only after moving in together do you realize your girlfriend’s little quirks. Mine, for example, stores vegetables in the beer compartment.

84 shares on Facebook this month:

They should invent someone who holds me.

91 shares on Pinterest this month:

Robots eating a bowl of cereal that’s actually a bunch of nuts and bolts, you don’t see that as much anymore.

43 shares on WeChat this month:

Not to brag, but what a time to be childless.

36 shares on Instagram this month:

Brains are awesome. I wish I had one.

12 shares on Facebook this month:

The prime minister is a minister that is not divisible by any other minister.

37 shares on Instagram this month:

My favorite sex position is any of them. I’m just glad to be involved.

10 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Being a toddler’s favorite person is what real love actually looks like.

100 shares on Messenger this month:

An escape room, but it’s just your thoughts. Good luck.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

For Valentine’s Day, I’m gift-wrapping a shirt my husband hasn’t worn in years. It’s the thought that counts—and technically, I thought of it twice.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Wish my metabolism worked as fast as my anxiety.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

A piece of chocolate contains just enough energy to take another one.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

You should introduce your upper lip to your bottom lip sometime and shut up.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

No one watches your story faster than someone who doesn’t talk to you.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Current situation: lying in bed, trying to manifest breakfast.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s kinda weird that in order to go to sleep you have to pretend like you are already sleeping.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Ancestors survived five mass extinctions on earth for me to be killed by a house cat I was trying to put a Christmas sweater on.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Even when I look up the slang of today’s kids, I still have no idea what it means.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t get why banks tie pens with strings. We trust them with money, but they can’t trust us with a single pen.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

237 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,506

Funny Quotes Topics

17,571

Funny Quotes Images

15,506

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,255

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

I am calling on public libraries to ban the books that I borrowed and lost. We don’t need that kind of crap in the libraries.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

I love putting on warm underwear fresh out of the dryer. Plus, it’s fun to look around the laundromat and guess who they belong to.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

Sometimes a man’s purpose is to simply remind you again and again that you’d be just fine on your own.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

I didn’t really feel old until my doctor hit me with the “at your age…”

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

Should we all just give up and get really into drugs? Wait, this is literally what happened in the 60s. That just clicked for me.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

Good morning to the wind beneath my wings only.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

Is ‘ugh’ an emotion? Because I fell it all the time.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

I use subtitles so if I learn anything interesting I can say “I was reading about” instead of “I saw on an episode of Love Island”

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

Gnocchi: The small, chubby children of spaghetti and potatoes.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

IKEA is like the Hotel California of furniture stores.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

It’s a myth that we only use 10% of our brain, but I definitely know people who use less than that.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Cars should have two horns, one for “excuse me, kind friend,” and another for “curse you and your family for generations.”

Spotted on Instagram:

Grant me the serenity to supernaturally change the things I cannot accept.

Breaking via Twitch:

I don’t think anything good will ever happen again until people feel bad about being stupid again.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

The only problem I have with chocolate is that one minute it’s there and the next it’s not.

Live now on Slack:

The subtle art of surviving this life with grace and dignity.

Going bananas on WeChat:

Are you gonna call me beautiful today, or do I need to go to the gas station?

Going viral on Instagram:

God: “You’re all really bad at this.”

Freshly posted on Twitch:

We all need to put the phone down, or it’s over for civilization.

Shared recently on Facebook:

No matter how old you are, when the kitchen roll is empty, you have a telescope.

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