Not to brag, but I don’t need alcohol to send texts I’ll regret.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

I’m so old and have never even met a woman named Jolene. I’d really like to find her, though. She can have my man.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

Home Depot should allow men over 40 to have birthday parties in their stores.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

Big city friend is complaining about a 10 minute wait for a subway while I sit here waiting for the rail replacement horse.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

I have no desire to work now. I had five days off in a row where I dined at a feast and was entertained at a cinema. I have flown too high to return to a laptop.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

Halloween pumpkins look even scarier if you just use the ones from last year.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

There are people on TV who are not ruined by fame, but who ruin fame.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

Be the spooky thing in the woods that you wish to see in the world.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

All pants are tear away pants if you’re strong enough.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

They say money doesn’t solve all problems, but it will surely solve all of mine.