Trendy Funny Quotes

  • My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.
  • I’m cold! That’s not goose bumps anymore, that’s woodchip wallpaper.
  • You learn a lot about someone when you marry them. For example, I learned I should have married someone else.
  • Keep your friend’s toast and your enemy’s toaster.
  • Whenever my hormones try to get me to reproduce after all, I go to IKEA and watch the goings-on there. After that, I’m good again.
  • You know the trouble with real life? There’s no danger music.