Do you ever restart the dryer because you don’t feel like folding the clothes yet? Posted onMay 25, 2026
The problem is that you are in the dating pool when the other fish are in the ocean. Posted onMay 25, 2026
At my age, “getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering what you came in there for. Posted onMay 25, 2026
I said “cool tattoo” to be nice not because I wanted to hear the 45 minute origin story. Posted onMay 25, 2026
I think I’ll spend my savings on a lifetime supply of pasta. Worth every penne. Posted onMay 25, 2026
I think we all know who to blame for the generation of parents who put too many Ys in their kids’ names. Lynyrd Skynyrd. Posted onMay 25, 2026
From now on, every time I think I’m hating too much, I will think of Kendrick and realize I’m not hating to my full potential. Posted onMay 25, 2026
Let the good times roll. Let the bad times crawl. Let the acceptable times do the hopscotch. Posted onMay 25, 2026
For Valentine’s Day, I’m gift-wrapping a shirt my husband hasn’t worn in years. It’s the thought that counts—and technically, I thought of it twice. Posted onMay 25, 2026
Curious that talented athletes frequently credit God when they win, but we rarely see them blame God when they lose. Posted onMay 25, 2026
Who else here can say that they have NEVER watched any of the Kardashian shows? Posted onMay 25, 2026
I’m not built to work, I’m built to brood in a castle with all my unread books. Posted onMay 25, 2026
They say dress for the job you want, but this baby diaper isn’t very comfortable. Posted onMay 25, 2026
Vanilla perfumes are so nice. It’s like walking into a bakery but you are the bakery. Posted onMay 25, 2026
People always ask me “Do you believe in God?” and I say of course it’s important to have self-belief. Posted onMay 25, 2026
If liars’ pants really did catch on fire, watching the news would be a lot more fun. Posted onMay 25, 2026
The best way to enjoy your tea while the world is falling apart around you is to remember that the world has always been falling apart around you. Posted onMay 25, 2026
Back in my day there was so much toilet paper and so much eggs that we gathered at night and threw them at the houses of our enemies. Posted onMay 25, 2026
We should all go into advertising and fix what’s going on with commercials. They need our help. Posted onMay 25, 2026