Noise cancelling headphones but for when the noises are coming from inside your head. Posted onMay 25, 2026
I don’t understand why bugs come inside when they have a whole outside to themselves. Posted onMay 25, 2026
One thing I love about the internet is seeing some of the most hateful people posting inspirational quotes. Posted onMay 25, 2026
Іf you’re sad about being alone on Valentine’s Day, just remember that nobody loves you on any other day of the year either. Posted onMay 25, 2026
If I’m too quiet you can rest assured I’m in the process of planning my sweet escape or your equally sweet demise. Posted onMay 25, 2026
I’m pretty sure my husband’s favorite sound is the oven range fan turning on when I start making dinner. Posted onMay 25, 2026
Valentine’s Day this week. If you have a crush on me we still have time to get cards and shave. Posted onMay 25, 2026
I just ordered a life alert bracelet, so if I ever get a life, I’ll be notified immediately. Posted onMay 25, 2026
It doesn’t matter how bizarre your situation is. Somebody on Reddit already been there, done that. Posted onMay 25, 2026
THRILLED to announce I did an Ironman this weekend! Attended 3 social gatherings in 3 days. Posted onMay 25, 2026
Do you ever restart the dryer because you don’t feel like folding the clothes yet? Posted onMay 25, 2026
The problem is that you are in the dating pool when the other fish are in the ocean. Posted onMay 25, 2026
At my age, “getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering what you came in there for. Posted onMay 25, 2026
I said “cool tattoo” to be nice not because I wanted to hear the 45 minute origin story. Posted onMay 25, 2026
I think I’ll spend my savings on a lifetime supply of pasta. Worth every penne. Posted onMay 25, 2026
I think we all know who to blame for the generation of parents who put too many Ys in their kids’ names. Lynyrd Skynyrd. Posted onMay 25, 2026
From now on, every time I think I’m hating too much, I will think of Kendrick and realize I’m not hating to my full potential. Posted onMay 25, 2026