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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

I saw a spider crawl under my kid’s bed and was too tired to go after it, but that’s okay, no living creature can survive that environment.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

Nothing is riskier than closing your eyes again in the morning for that extra minute of sleep.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

8 planets, 204 countries, thousands of islands, 7 seas, 8 billion people, and I’m single.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

It’s a beautiful day to ignore your existing problems and create new ones.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

I have no issue with people talking in the morning. But not with me, please!

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

Let’s draft everyone who has their phone on military time first, since you’re all so eager.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

We need a word for that weird feeling you get when you learn what a podcaster looks like.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

Some woman is out there right now, pregnant with Leonardo DiCaprio’s next girlfriend.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

If it weren’t for the last minute, I’d never do anything.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

An email so annoying, you wanna return the computer to the store.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,718

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Messenger:

Not to brag or anything, but I can forget what I’m doing while I’m doing it.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Lost my job to AI (my job was to be loudly and confidently incorrect).

Freshly posted on TikTok:

My car spider built a web across my steering wheel and now I can’t go anywhere.

Spotted on Twitch:

My summer body has been pending for about ten years.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

The one nice thing about your friends’ divorces is no one invites you to them.

Trending via Telegram:

Imagine giving someone your heart at Christmas, but the very next day they give it away. Haha, would feel so stupid.

Making waves on YouTube:

In terms of wasting time, today was very productive.

Just shared via Slack:

Got kicked out of reincarnation club for yelling yolo.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Why are plane tickets so expensive? You’re going that way anyway, just give me a ride.

Spotted on Reddit:

I don’t need Halloween. I have strange characters around me all year round.

Peter Parker having to juggle a day job with being a superhero feels kinda stupid nowadays. Just launch a Patreon, my man. Throw a PayPal link in that Spider-bio.

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Peter Parker having to juggle a day job with being a superhero feels kinda stupid nowadays. Just launch a Patreon, my man. Throw a PayPal link in that Spider-bio.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
🦸‍♂️💼 "Who needs spider-sense when you can have online support? Peter Parker, ditch the Daily Bugle drama and join the digital age! Your friendly neighborhood Patreon awaits, complete with a PayPal upgrade in your Spider-bio! Remember, with great power comes great crowdfunding opportunities." 🕷️💸 #SuperheroSideHustle

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

86 shares on WeChat this month:

Livin’ la vida vodka!

14 shares on Reddit this month:

To everyone I offended this year: do better next year, so I don’t have to do it again.

10 shares on Twitch this month:

Goodbye, August, don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

54 shares on Telegram this month:

Everyone hates on Gollum but he had the right idea: become a hermit, collect jewels, swim naked in lakes and pools, occasionally hiss at people who try to make you go places.

31 shares on Discord this month:

Auto-correct and I are in a toxic relationship.

14 shares on Discord this month:

Nobody is doing it like me because this is probably not the right way to do it.

99 shares on TikTok this month:

Keeping a picture of my bed in a locket around my neck and staring at it longingly on my lunch break.

99 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I once hated my job so much that I would come home from work and watch vlogs of people quitting their jobs, wishing it was me.

33 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You gotta ask people nowadays, are you single single, mad at your partner single, blocked single or single just in your head.

38 shares on Facebook this month:

“I’m not afraid to admit when I’m wrong. For example, I thought it was a good idea to leave the house today, which, as it turns out, was a terrible mistake.”

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Forgetting to put jewelry and perfume on is literally the worst feeling.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

“You look tired.” Yes, bro, I stayed up all night obsessing over things I have no control over.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Once this pandemic ends, I’m legit quitting video games and getting a girlfriend for real.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Current state of politics: The circus is on fire but the monkey is fine.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Pretty messed up that my body, a chemistry lab made of meat, simply chooses to make me feel a little bit nervous for no reason.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m seriously considering adoption. Who wants me?

23 folks are currently checking 👀

“You’re a flirt!” God forbid a girl has good communication skills.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

You know you don’t have to give your bathroom a beach theme, there’s no law.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Maybe Rome was built in a day. I wasn’t there.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

The week between Christmas and New Year’s should be studied as it is clearly a wormhole, disturbing time and space.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,572

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

Women only want one thing, and it’s the power to cast men who tell us to smile right into a pit of giant venomous serpents.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

Marriage is scary, what if he doesn’t want our house to look like my Pinterest board.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

The difference between me and Superman is that he has super vision, and I need supervision.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

If liars’ pants really did catch on fire, watching the news would be a lot more fun.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

Born to hate people. Somehow ended up in customer service.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

Some days you are the table and some days you are the toe.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

I got one brain cell left and it moves around my head like a Windows screensaver.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

Women will brag about their intuition, and then date a DJ.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

Keep your fries close and your onion rings closer.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

I would be more patient if it didn’t take so long.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

I have more photos of food on my phone than I do of my children.

Seen just now on Twitch:

A haunted house, but every room is just learning more about Will & Jada.

Just landed via Reddit:

Beginning my getting out of bed journey this morning.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

I might look calm, but in my head I’ve punched you in the face three times.

Making waves on Slack:

Going to work has backfired on me so many times.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I’m the type of idiot to be loyal during the talking stage.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Oh no, a login from a new device? And that device is my phone? The one that I use every single day? And the location is my house, you say? Thank you so much for warning me. I will contact Interpol.

Just landed via Threads:

If David Bowie taught us anything, it’s that being a little weird is better than being forgettable.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but your dog can stay home for the hour you’re at the grocery store or restaurant.

Going bananas on TikTok:

ADHD is: being pretty good at basically anything you want to be, and absolutely terrible at anything you need to do to live.

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